my wife is really frustrating me
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Guest
Some women want a strong man, and some women get turned off when they think their guys is not being masculine. I know I'm going to be slammed for this ladies, but when my husband is overly affectionate or sappy, well, its not the man I married and it makes me feel weird, I hate PDA. I'd be more mad at him for the apology you made to her on the board than the first statement, thats just me. I see many of you thought that was wonderful, I'd be embarrassed. If you do things looking to be rewarded or thanked then you are doing them for the wrong reason (like posting an apology on a public forum). She is frustrated just like you, this is not how she pictured her life either. I'm sure there is a twinge of jealousy, most women would love to be the stay at home mom, and she is watching you take her role. I'm not pointing fingers or placing blame, just offering a point of view. I fell in love and married my husband for many reasons, some being I knew he'd be a great dad, great provider, he has a wonderful work ethic, very manly strong man. I always feel safe with him. I just don't know how I'd feel if he lost this, and I know that sounds selfish because anything can happen, I love him. I'm on here because I am the one with anxiety issues, yet he continues to support me, but I try to cope so that I don't change who I am, I don't want to let it for this very reason, and yes, I'd be devastated if he felt differently about me because of my weakness and pray every day that he doesn't. But I'm being honest here. I know it sounds like a double standard, its okay for me to be sick but not him, but its how I feel and can't be helped, and maybe how she feels just a little. Maybe she wants to be rescued, not the rescuer, carried not the carrier. I don't mean to sound old fashion or sexist, and I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Best of luck, and many prayers.
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Guest
i have taken on board what you said want2feelgoodagain
i am my wifes second husband and two of my children are from her first marriage.my wifes first husband of 11 years was that type of guy you mentioned earlier.He was a mans man he worked hard as a mechanic,he was the leader,he was firm with the kids,he was not soppy,he didnt do housework,he didnt kiss and cuddle her or give her romantic gifts.He also verbally and physically abused her.I remember my wife telling me he pinned her down on the bed when she was pregnant and he also cheated on her.I am totally the opposite of everything her first husband was i respect her,i am a team player/family man,i worked 40 hours a week for 25 years until my anxiety/agoraphobia stopped me working,i show her affection with kisses and cuddles,i do housework,im there whenever my children are poorly(i class her children from her first marriage as my kids in my eyes i am their dad)i put my wife and kids first.I think this is why my wife married me because she loved the person that i was and the life she thought she was going to get.I believe my anxiety is the problem not the type of person i am.I do understand how it must feel for my wife and kids and how it must really get them down not being able to go places or having to go without me and hopefully when i DO FINALLY BEAT THIS CONDITION we can get back to going as a family.I also believe im as manly as the next man i lead when i have to and tell the kids off when they have been naughty.Maybe i should change but its a fine line i walk.I dont want to change and seem as though im stop being the man she fell in love with only to push her away but im willing to change if thats what it takes.It is nice to listen to peoples points of view and hopefully pick up some tips on how to change to be a better person
i am my wifes second husband and two of my children are from her first marriage.my wifes first husband of 11 years was that type of guy you mentioned earlier.He was a mans man he worked hard as a mechanic,he was the leader,he was firm with the kids,he was not soppy,he didnt do housework,he didnt kiss and cuddle her or give her romantic gifts.He also verbally and physically abused her.I remember my wife telling me he pinned her down on the bed when she was pregnant and he also cheated on her.I am totally the opposite of everything her first husband was i respect her,i am a team player/family man,i worked 40 hours a week for 25 years until my anxiety/agoraphobia stopped me working,i show her affection with kisses and cuddles,i do housework,im there whenever my children are poorly(i class her children from her first marriage as my kids in my eyes i am their dad)i put my wife and kids first.I think this is why my wife married me because she loved the person that i was and the life she thought she was going to get.I believe my anxiety is the problem not the type of person i am.I do understand how it must feel for my wife and kids and how it must really get them down not being able to go places or having to go without me and hopefully when i DO FINALLY BEAT THIS CONDITION we can get back to going as a family.I also believe im as manly as the next man i lead when i have to and tell the kids off when they have been naughty.Maybe i should change but its a fine line i walk.I dont want to change and seem as though im stop being the man she fell in love with only to push her away but im willing to change if thats what it takes.It is nice to listen to peoples points of view and hopefully pick up some tips on how to change to be a better person
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Guest
I would never tell someone to change, never. You are who you are, and it sounds like you are exactly what she needed in her life. Just remember, there was something about the first guy she loved once too, and yes he crossed many lines.......but to me the strongest thing you are doing is helping yourself. This is a selfish disease, and yes, I believe its a disease. You can not take care of the world while recovering, so I wish you the best of luck. Remember, that was just my opinion, and only my opinion. Don't change for anyone, but also don't let this disease change YOU either. FIGHT!!!!!!!