i`m on lesson 4 about expectations and my wife is really frustrating me
i had to quit my job recently because of my agoraphobia it was a job i hated and was very low paying.My wife got a new job as a nursery nurse it is a job she has always wanted to do.I am now a house husband and do everything at home so that my wife doesnt have to lift a finger when she gets home from work.I make the house spotless for when she walks through the door and within seconds of her getting home a cooked dinner and a cup of coffee is waiting for her.Tonight i cooked her a massive steak,fries and mushrooms and a glass of wine was waiting for her.I even had her p.j`s ready for her.
The things that is frustrating me is that there was no thank you or anything like that its as though she expects me to do it as though im there just to serve her
Am i expecting her to say thanks???
It really gets me on a downer when she doesnt appreciate what i do for her.Its as though she thinks i sit on my backside as soon as she goes to work but from the minute she leaves to when she gets back i work my butt off!!!
my wife is really frustrating me
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Guest
well let me tell you, if my husband would do that for me, i would just fall over dead... he works earlier shifts than i do, gets home and gets on the computer until i get home... i work 5 days a week, and drive 50 miles to and from work each day. i leave at 7 30am and get home between 7 and 7 15 each night, then i have to come in clean house and cook supper, keep up the laundery for the whole household, and with 2 teenagers, that's alot of laundry.... i never have any me time and he wonders why i don't want to be intimate with him. i'm exhausted that's why!!! so let me tell you, there are women out that who would love to have someone do those things for them. i would probably fall over dead. the only romantic thing he's done for me since we got married in 2000 was give me roses on our 1st anniversary, and that was my sister's idea. you're very sweet to want to take care of her that way. you need to sit her down and talk to her and tell her how you feel... either that or just stop doing any of it and see what she says. keep in touch and let me know how it turns out. my email is noellabentley@aol.com nice meeting you.
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Guest
Hi Darren,
I'm so sorry you are feeling like this and it sounds like you are really doing an amazing job as a house husband!!! GOOD FOR YOU...Be PROUD OF YOURSELF & FEEL GOOD ABOUT ALL YOU DO & of course you want and need some kind of acknowlegment from your wife for the great effort you are puting into making your home nice and taking burden off your wife within the household but we don't always get praise or words we want or need to hear...they may think these thoughts but not say them out loud. Remember also what the program teaches us " Expect less and get more ".
Just my thought but you may just want to let your wife know how you feel and you may indeed find out it wasn't meant to hurt you and was just an oversight due to her own thoughts being elsewhere...her new job, being mentally or physically tired or she may need to understand that you work hard and need to know it's appreciated and enjoyed. It's worth a shot.
I know I would have been elated to ever come home to all that!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck, God Bless
I'm so sorry you are feeling like this and it sounds like you are really doing an amazing job as a house husband!!! GOOD FOR YOU...Be PROUD OF YOURSELF & FEEL GOOD ABOUT ALL YOU DO & of course you want and need some kind of acknowlegment from your wife for the great effort you are puting into making your home nice and taking burden off your wife within the household but we don't always get praise or words we want or need to hear...they may think these thoughts but not say them out loud. Remember also what the program teaches us " Expect less and get more ".
Just my thought but you may just want to let your wife know how you feel and you may indeed find out it wasn't meant to hurt you and was just an oversight due to her own thoughts being elsewhere...her new job, being mentally or physically tired or she may need to understand that you work hard and need to know it's appreciated and enjoyed. It's worth a shot.
I know I would have been elated to ever come home to all that!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good Luck, God Bless
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Guest
thank you for your replies its nice and reassuring to know that women do appreciate those type of things
all i want out of life is to love someone forever and be there for them through thick and thin
i want to devote my life to making her happy but when i get no response from her it gets me down when all i want to do is give her a big cuddle
all i want out of life is to love someone forever and be there for them through thick and thin
i want to devote my life to making her happy but when i get no response from her it gets me down when all i want to do is give her a big cuddle
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Guest
Darren,
You sound like such a warm, loving, kind and gentle soul and never stop being that kind of man...also be sure that you are not losing yourself or not loving yourself for who you are.
If you feel joy and happiness by doing all the sweet and loving acts you are doing for your wife then that is great but if you feel down about the lack of positive reactions you want or need than just be carefull about those feelings bringing you down. We are what and who we are inside and tend to want to please others but we must remember that we may not always get the responses or actions we ourselves would give to others and have to either be content with that or deal with it in whatever way/ways we see fit. Many women go through this on daily and it can be very hurtfull when one tries to do nice gestures or plan something special or romantic for our spouses or mates and it just doesn't get any reaction or very little or we have to ask...was dinner good or did the house look nice when you got home?? No harm in asking but it's not the same as the other person saying something on their own. It seems the longer couples are together the less they say in appreciation towards the other in so many cases and it's sad but a fact of our fast paced lives and all that troubles each person. I just want to see you post how greatfull your wife was because I sense you really want and need to hear that from her and you do deserve it.
Everyone deserves to feel appreciated for what they do to contribute to a family or household.
But most important is self appreciation...for that is all we can control lots of the time.
Take care.
You sound like such a warm, loving, kind and gentle soul and never stop being that kind of man...also be sure that you are not losing yourself or not loving yourself for who you are.
If you feel joy and happiness by doing all the sweet and loving acts you are doing for your wife then that is great but if you feel down about the lack of positive reactions you want or need than just be carefull about those feelings bringing you down. We are what and who we are inside and tend to want to please others but we must remember that we may not always get the responses or actions we ourselves would give to others and have to either be content with that or deal with it in whatever way/ways we see fit. Many women go through this on daily and it can be very hurtfull when one tries to do nice gestures or plan something special or romantic for our spouses or mates and it just doesn't get any reaction or very little or we have to ask...was dinner good or did the house look nice when you got home?? No harm in asking but it's not the same as the other person saying something on their own. It seems the longer couples are together the less they say in appreciation towards the other in so many cases and it's sad but a fact of our fast paced lives and all that troubles each person. I just want to see you post how greatfull your wife was because I sense you really want and need to hear that from her and you do deserve it.
Everyone deserves to feel appreciated for what they do to contribute to a family or household.
But most important is self appreciation...for that is all we can control lots of the time.
Take care.
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Guest
Darren...I think I am your wife.
My fiance is working towards a music career and aside from band practice and meetings with the managers, he isn't working. We came to the agreement that because he has a more flexible schedule, is home considerably more than me, and isn't contributing any money to the bills he would be responsible for 'keeping house' He now does all the laundry, sweeping, mopping, and cooking.
I thought my appreciation for him taking over the household responsibilities would come naturally. After all, I've been there and I KNOW how much work it is. But, honestly, most of the time I have to remind myself to say thank you or good job. And to be even more honest...I do EXPECT him to do these things. I mean, isn't he EXPECTING me to go to work so our bills get paid? We both have an end of the bargin to hold up, ya know? Do you thank her for going to work every day? Maybe you think you are saying thank you by making romantic dinners...if that's the case, she maybe saying thank you in other ways too.
Either way, if you are feelings frustrated and angry you either need to resolve it or dissolve it (as Lucinda says) so I agree with the others, sit her down...she probably doesn't realize what she hasn't been saying.
My fiance is working towards a music career and aside from band practice and meetings with the managers, he isn't working. We came to the agreement that because he has a more flexible schedule, is home considerably more than me, and isn't contributing any money to the bills he would be responsible for 'keeping house' He now does all the laundry, sweeping, mopping, and cooking.
I thought my appreciation for him taking over the household responsibilities would come naturally. After all, I've been there and I KNOW how much work it is. But, honestly, most of the time I have to remind myself to say thank you or good job. And to be even more honest...I do EXPECT him to do these things. I mean, isn't he EXPECTING me to go to work so our bills get paid? We both have an end of the bargin to hold up, ya know? Do you thank her for going to work every day? Maybe you think you are saying thank you by making romantic dinners...if that's the case, she maybe saying thank you in other ways too.
Either way, if you are feelings frustrated and angry you either need to resolve it or dissolve it (as Lucinda says) so I agree with the others, sit her down...she probably doesn't realize what she hasn't been saying.
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Guest
I agree with goodwillchic. You both have your end of the bargain to hold up. She's doing hers, you're doing yours. Of course, you both want to let each other know you appreciate what the other is doing.
Also, make sure you aren't doing things to get a response from her to make you feel good about what you are doing. Otherwise, you are doing all these things for yourself and the positive feedback you get out of it.
Overall, I would expect my man to uphold his end of the bargain, the same way he expects me too.
I wouldn't read to much into it...you are both doing your parts, show some appreciation, and otherwise it is just the every day duty you each are each expected to do.
Also, make sure you aren't doing things to get a response from her to make you feel good about what you are doing. Otherwise, you are doing all these things for yourself and the positive feedback you get out of it.
Overall, I would expect my man to uphold his end of the bargain, the same way he expects me too.
I wouldn't read to much into it...you are both doing your parts, show some appreciation, and otherwise it is just the every day duty you each are each expected to do.
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Guest
my wife read what i had written on this post and felt she was being treated unfairly by me.After reading my post i can see where she was coming from.I know everything in life has two sides and i posted only my side.I know she works her butt off where she works i only have to see her face and how tired she is when she gets home.I look after 3 kids and they drain me and she has about 20 in her group.
So i would like to publicly apologise if i offended her "sorry lisa" i love you babe xx
So i would like to publicly apologise if i offended her "sorry lisa" i love you babe xx
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Guest
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Guest
Some women want a strong man, and some women get turned off when they think their guys is not being masculine. I know I'm going to be slammed for this ladies, but when my husband is overly affectionate or sappy, well, its not the man I married and it makes me feel weird, I hate PDA. I'd be more mad at him for the apology you made to her on the board than the first statement, thats just me. I see many of you thought that was wonderful, I'd be embarrassed. If you do things looking to be rewarded or thanked then you are doing them for the wrong reason (like posting an apology on a public forum). She is frustrated just like you, this is not how she pictured her life either. I'm sure there is a twinge of jealousy, most women would love to be the stay at home mom, and she is watching you take her role. I'm not pointing fingers or placing blame, just offering a point of view. I fell in love and married my husband for many reasons, some being I knew he'd be a great dad, great provider, he has a wonderful work ethic, very manly strong man. I always feel safe with him. I just don't know how I'd feel if he lost this, and I know that sounds selfish because anything can happen, I love him. I'm on here because I am the one with anxiety issues, yet he continues to support me, but I try to cope so that I don't change who I am, I don't want to let it for this very reason, and yes, I'd be devastated if he felt differently about me because of my weakness and pray every day that he doesn't. But I'm being honest here. I know it sounds like a double standard, its okay for me to be sick but not him, but its how I feel and can't be helped, and maybe how she feels just a little. Maybe she wants to be rescued, not the rescuer, carried not the carrier. I don't mean to sound old fashion or sexist, and I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Best of luck, and many prayers.