oh yeah, my deal is I know he loves me. I love him too but don't know if what I experience is the same feeling or even on the same plane. I don't think I know how to love like he does. I sometimes wish I could just leave because I love him & don't want to continue seeing his face searching for a solution for me when I am messed up. He constantly says "we will get there" I want to ask him so badly, where is there & how much longer? You know "r we there yet?" What if my there is still so far from his...on & on & on. I feel it's fashioned just for me, doubt & anxiety & sick of being sick, sick of being tired, sick of trying to be normal. Sick of wondering if when we r out in public (a rare occasion) if people can see the freakishness in me & wonder why is he with her. Rambling in this head of mine is normal for me. I am praying that this program works for me because I have tried everything else. Almost afraid of doing it through though..or past session 3 because what if it does work, who am I then? What if it does not work? Somewhere between unsure & positive is where I live most of the time then I get pized & think I am gonna do this & it is going to work & I put in the cd's, end up listening all day, journaling, thinking back & forward & I always feel better...Always!
It will work for me & for you too. It being self-help & grounding with The Program & those around in here that are not judgemental(yep, they r here too!) I hope your fears are erased soon & that we both know some sort of discontent or fractional thinking is necessary in this life because for those of us searching we are taking the biggest steps that one can when filled with this stuff. Good luck to you. :p
Obsessing over partner/spouse?
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Tiger Lady
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Wed Mar 05, 2008 10:07 am
baby girl, just take one day at a time. that is all any person can do. You are a human being like the next person. People have all kind of illness or conditions in this life, at least TOGETHER we can manage and control this stress and anxiety issues. Try not to thinks about it so deeply. Enjoy the moment. You are not weird or some freak, drop those negative thoughts. Don't let anyone or any CONDTION define who you ARE. You are a friend and a blessing to others. We have to focus on what is positive in OUR lives not the wrong things. I am only starting this program to help me ease the edge of negative thinking, as a mother, wife and most of all a Lady I bring alot to life. Keep smiling and let get though and one day this drama will be behind us, so we can help someone else. Peace my sister!
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WantMyOldSelf
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Wed Oct 05, 2005 10:04 am
Whoa, whoa, whoa. ok let's back the train up. Perhaps I should share my experience. I started obsessively doubting my love for my husband when we got engaged nearly 3 years ago. In fact that is when I joined this site and started the the program program. It helped immensely with every day anxiety (I get very anxious over several things), but I found my obsessive thoughts getting worse - that's when I was diagnosed with OCD. I did get married (1.5 years already!!) but it did not make the obsessive thoughts go away, although I had many months (6+) of not worrying at all. When I was not obsessing I was absolutely over the moon with my husband, but OCD makes it feel like none of it is real when you are in the midst of it.
OK, so I finally got help for my OCD with a therapist that specializes in OCD. Sometimes I obsess about my love for him other times I obsess about his love for me. It's very disheartening, but the therapy (Exposure therapy) has really helped a lot. I now don't experience as many symptoms as I used to because of OCD therapy.
My point is it is NOT about your parter's love or even your love for your partner or your feelings (or lack thereof) - it is about the way that we react to these scary thoughts. Think about it, if it was just another random thought with no scary feelings attached (anxiety, fear, doubt, depression, etc.) we would just let it pass through our minds without a second glance. But it's become stuck - and intrusive, and annoying - and now we obsess, trying to find certainty, usually through our feelings.
OK, so I finally got help for my OCD with a therapist that specializes in OCD. Sometimes I obsess about my love for him other times I obsess about his love for me. It's very disheartening, but the therapy (Exposure therapy) has really helped a lot. I now don't experience as many symptoms as I used to because of OCD therapy.
My point is it is NOT about your parter's love or even your love for your partner or your feelings (or lack thereof) - it is about the way that we react to these scary thoughts. Think about it, if it was just another random thought with no scary feelings attached (anxiety, fear, doubt, depression, etc.) we would just let it pass through our minds without a second glance. But it's become stuck - and intrusive, and annoying - and now we obsess, trying to find certainty, usually through our feelings.
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bevhembree
- Posts: 275
- Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:44 am
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WantMyOldSelf
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Wed Oct 05, 2005 10:04 am
Hi Bev... the OC Foundation explains it best:
It's really hard at first, and scary, and is basically the opposite of the emotional goals we have during therepy... but if you stick with it, it yields great results!
Here is more info on it. <A HREF="http://www.ocfoundation.org/organizedch ... 001_04.php" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ocfoundation.org/organizedch ... _04.php</A>Exposure and Response Prevention (E&RP) is a behavioral technique that is most effective for treating OCD symptoms when combined with medication. E&RP has two components: exposure involves confronting fears; response prevention involves not engaging in the response that makes you feel more comfortable. The goal of E&RP is "habituation." Habituation refers to getting used to something that formerly produced a very strong emotional response. It is not enough to do just exposure or just response prevention; you must do both in order to experience habituation.
It's really hard at first, and scary, and is basically the opposite of the emotional goals we have during therepy... but if you stick with it, it yields great results!
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living_4_the-future
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Mon May 29, 2006 9:15 pm
I have this too. I told my docter about thses thoughts and she doesnt think I have OCD, well if it isnt OCD than I dont know what it is. But i constantly obsess about the relationship all the time, my boyfriend and I actually broke up because I fought with him every single day about how he isnt romantic and he doesnt try and yada yada yada, I found things to fight about, and when we broke up I was a mess, i thouight about it every single second of the day. It was almost like a drug almost like I was having withdraw. We are trying to wrok it out now, but he wants to take it slow. Well I dont even let a week go by without myself pushing the issue, and I am always wondering whats going to happen with us, I keep trying to tell myself to give him the space and to just be me the person he fell in love with in the first place but it is sooooo hard when its all you think about. I still obsess about a relationship that happend 3 years ago. He left me 3 years ago and 2 months after he left me he was engaged, he cheated on his fiance with me and I got him cought. I used to compare every single guy I met to him and no one would even live up. Until recently when I read an old journal of mine didnt I realize there were alot of bad things in that relationship that I never thought of because I simply "forgot about them" I dont know why I do this, but it ruins alot of relationships and holds me back!!