Wedding Woes

labourg · Post by **labourg** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 7:00 am

Hi all,

I am getting married in 4 months and am scared to death! No, not of getting married, but I am HUGELY scared that I am going to be sick the day of the wedding. I have now been thinking about this for the last 18months of our engagement! I am so scared that I am going to pass out in the church. It is horrible to say but I have actually stopped going to church altogether because I hate the way I feel when I go there. A little background...I am still very emotional about the fact that my mom died 5 years ago and my father just got remarried in April. I am 32 years old, been dealing with this for the past 2 years, and my fiance is the most wonderful person in the world and I know this is not fair to him!! Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks for listening!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 2:44 am

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all this, I'm sure it's not easy. Do you think that perhaps by obsessing over fainting in the church or getting sick, you're trying to distract yourself from what you've been feeling after your mother passing on and your father remarrying? It's hard for me to say because I'm not you. But I find when I obsess, often it's because something else is really bothering me and I don't want to deal with it. This all happens on a very subconscious level. Just a thought.
I'm sure your wedding is going to be wonderful!! And once it's all said and done, you'll think "that was such a wonderful day, why did I even worry in the first place?!"

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:15 am

I agree with P&P, my anxiety/depression being really bad can be linked directly to a death in the family. Going to church might be the best thing for you if you can relax while you are there. The way we dealt with my 15 year old brother dying last year is to think he just got to go to the party first and will be waiting for us to get there. Because we all want to get there one day.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:52 am

Hi, Labourg,
I was veeeerrrry nervous before getting married and definately wasn't about to eat scrambled eggs on my wedding morning.

I saw a counselor for about 3 monthes to help talk me thru some of the feelings before and after the wedding. I eventually realized some of it dealt with family issues and learning to speak up for myself (ie: not wear my sister's wedding gown that mom had made--that took me much courage).

Just remember they are only feelings--not reality. They cannot hurt you and you are learning the skills to deal with the stuff. Why not go for a smaller wedding? Is that an option?

I think many of us deal with anxiety in church including myself. I love to go, but when I was really dealing with panic a year ago I dreaded going and esp. singing. I just knew I would pass out because of running out of breath. Well, I didn't. I keep saying over and over, the symptoms are uncomfortable, but there is no danger (it's on lesson 2 card).

I assume you've talked with your beloved about this? It also helps diffuse the fear to tell others (clergy, friends, family) you are anxious about the actual ceremony. I'll be praying for you and your journey to the alter!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 7:44 am

Thank you all for your input! P&P..I definitely agree that I am probably distracting myself. You see, up until I met my fiance, I never was able to talk about my mom. Now with him, I think a whole can of worms has been opened. Heather...I like you interpretation of the party...good way to think about it. And Farmchick...thank you thank you! My fiance is actually VERY understanding and supportive which is great. I was embarassed at first but I actually spoke with my priest and told him about my nerves. Thank you all!