Taking a trip for the first time in a VERY long time...

dana_shae · Post by **dana_shae** » Fri Apr 09, 2010 8:05 am

Hi all! So, today (in just an hour or so) I'll be getting on the road to travel to see my Mom. It's about a 6 hour drive. While this should excite me, I get sooooo anxious about these trips. I haven't been in almost a year. What's more surprising is that I lived there with her for nearly 4 years, so I should be comfortable right? Not the case. Maybe it's the drive? I don't know. I always start what if-ing about me having an attack on the road, or while I'm down there and not feeling better because I'm not in my environment. Also, my Mom has been a big part of my anxiety throughout my life. She has always held higher expectations and standards for me than my sister. Not all in my head, I mean she tells me so. She always criticizes me for one thing after another, "I don't like that color on ur hair, u need to go back blonde. I think u should be doing a different job. U should just move back here so it will be easier on u with bills and things." This makes me feel much like a failure. The program says u should confront these ppl in ur life, but they don't know my mother. She has also been the guiding force for my anxiety since I was little. She too suffers from major anxiety but refuses to change and accepts it. Having a parent tell u every moment of ur childhood the worst possible event that COULD happen has implanted that into my brain. I mean, as kids, we couldn't take a pill, or have hard candy until we were teenagers. If the only meds available were in pill form, she'd crush it first. To this day, she gets upset if I tell her I'm going to take a shower and my husband isn't home. (in case I slip and fall) So I'm alittle nervous, no, I'm pretty nervous about the trip but I am going. I hope it goes well. I'm telling myself "it's no big deal" over and over again, and trying to keep my thoughts light and positive. So far, I'm about to get packed, that's farther than I've gotten lately. Wish me luck everyone! Ur encouragement is needed and very appreciated. Everyone here always makes me feel so much better. Thank u all for that! Hope everyone is doing well! Here we go...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 09, 2010 8:57 am

Hi, Dana. Your relationship with your mother sounds so much like mine... My father told me once that she's been known to say positive things about me behind my back.

I have 4 brothers and sisters who seem to do no wrong. And then there's me, who looks the spitting image of my depressive mother. I can do no right. It's like all the self-criticism she does (and taught me) gets addressed with equal viciousness into the mirror - me. And the excuses for why this is, the selective memory, just make me furious if I dwell on them.

Not fun.

Anyway - why "should" this prospect excite you? Why are you going? Is it for a reason that's nice to yourself? Can you be nice to yourself while you're there?

Good luck!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 10, 2010 4:49 am

Wow. This sounds exactly like my mother! She won't speak to me, as she has some issues that remain unresolved. It bothers me daily, but I keep telling myself that through prayer, she will learn to forgive me for whatever it is that I did to anger her.

I, too, was planning to move back to Massachusetts from Florida, which is a LONG drive to say the least. I don't want to do it alone, as I am horrified, but if I want to be happy, I know it's what I have to do. I would also be driving a big rental truck throughout the ride, so that scares me even more.

I have no one to take the ride with me.

Any ideas? Suggestions? Feedback???

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 10, 2010 11:52 am

I had to move home to Connecticut from Texas 17 years ago, following a medical disaster. And I wanted to come home, no longer having any reason to be in Texas. It's so pretty here... It's so hot there...

Anyway, I couldn't deal with the furniture. So I hired that. But still had a car to relocate, and driving panic attacks. To my amazement, when I called to say I was leaving, one of my best friends offered to drive me back to CT. Took us most of a week to do it, and really turned into a vacation. Extremely generous of him, and we had a great time.

He was the perfect travelling companion. Every state along the way had a mini quest - hot tubbing in Hot Springs Ark, wild ponies on the barrier islands, his grandmother in Baltimore, a mutual friend working on his PhD in Virginia.... Plus the Unifying Super-Quest : Try the Local Barbecue in Every State We Passed Through.

Well, southern state, anyway. By New Jersey we'd refocused on hoagies / subs / grinders / avoiding rush hour greater NYC.

There are also college students seeking transportation, if you don't have a fun friend with a week to kill. Might be able to find one willing to drive with you. Possibly even easier to hire one to drive your stuff without you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:05 pm

Gisette, I loved this post. That trip sounded absolutely fabulous. Ship

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 1:40 pm

Thank you, Ship.

It was such a dismal situation, going home in abject defeat, broke, too sick to work, $thousands in the hole with medical bills from an emergency surgery, pooched my career, just quit drinking as a rock-bottom alcoholic - the absolute pits.

Into that well of despair, in stepped my friend Randy - "But of course you can't sell your Mustang convertible! It's too cute! No, no! I'll just take time off and drive you home - it'll be a blast!" And he really did turn it into a blast. The convertible was kind of a silly souvenir back home in New England. But every time I saw it, it reminded me of a friend back in Texas, who might not be nearby anymore, but who cared enough about me to do that.

When I think of having a positive outlook for me, usually it's like just to cut the pain. But then there are people who are so positive and glow and make the world better for everyone around them. That kinda friend drove me home in defeat. I'd like to be like that...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 12, 2010 8:19 pm

Well I'm home now from my trip. My husband accompanied me. I'd like to thank everyone for their support! I had little bouts of anxiety on the drive, but once I got into the town, I felt anxious but positive. It was like I was expecting the world to come crashing down when I got off the exit, and it didn't! lol. I uploaded all of my the program on my ipod and listened to the relaxation cd as we came into town. I even drove us to my Mom's house from town. My mom was her usual self. Criticized my hair color and a break out on my face. lol. At one point, we had a heated debate, which means she lectured and I cried, about how I need to tuck my tail between my legs and come crawling home to her. I haven't had a job in many months and with one income, we're only sinking faster. I worked an online at home job for awhile and did really well but something happened to make me feel uncomfortable doing it anymore. However, I am searching diligently for another work at home job. Everyone says I need to find a 'real' job but I really enjoyed the WAH job. Anyway, I just wanted to say I had a great weekend and am so proud of myself for going and letting myself have a good time! It's been almost a year since I've left the state. This was a great accomplishment for me! Thanks to everyone who has helped me!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:35 am

Congratulations, dana!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 13, 2010 2:47 pm

Wow...I absolutely loved reading through these postings tonight!!! I think each of you are doing more than a little GREAT!!!

When I was having those major panic attacks, I could not drive 5 miles to town without totally "flipping out"...

I have pulled off the "shoulder" of the road more times than Carter had liver pills

I have not been posting lately, because my monitor went bad, but I have another one coming in very soon (hopefully tomorrow)...Yes...Yes...Yes...and with a lot "larger" screen!!!

I am visiting with my son and daughter-in-law for a little bit, and just couldn't resist getting on here and reading this posting

Dana, you sure did a great job, as well as, all of you who posted here!!!

Congratulations to all of you!!!!!!!!!!! And many more "good" days ahead!!!

Prayerfully, Cloie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 13, 2010 5:03 pm

My turn tomorrow - driving 53 miles each way, to take my daughter to visit a university. Not on interstates... just state highways (generally hilly winding 2-lane things through woods, around here).

And I almost didn't post that, for fear that I'll fail and come home in defeat and not want anyone to know.

So I'm posting anyway and I'll make it there tomorrow.

Wish me luck...