This time a year ago...

Brandi Menifee · Post by **Brandi Menifee** » Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:24 pm

Wow! I must say that since a year ago this time I have come such a long way from where I was with my anxiety! I remember it like it was just yesterday! I was thinking constantly that I was dying of some unknown disease! Absolutely lost, depressed, worried 100% about EVERYTHING, in and out of the ER at least 2-3 times a WEEK, having what seemed like a million tests ran on me, only to hear that I was just fine, we found nothing! I was ok to hear that I wasn't dying, but it just never would satisfy my longing to know why I would feel the way that I would, and it would only get worse! I remember, driving to work wondering was I gonna pass out, or fall over and die at work, or worse behind the wheel while I was driving! It even got worse than that, I ended up taking 2months off from my job, becuz, I was afraid all the time, afraid that I was surely going to die that day, everyday. When I would wake up in the morning, I had never been soo greatful to wake and see another day, becuz when I finally did go to sleep the night b4, I just knew that I was gonna die in my sleep. The body symptoms only got even worse! It was the middle of January of this year, and as usual, I was dealing with those scary body symptoms, not knowing why or what was going on! I had my first full blown panic attack, and it was the sacriest moment I ha d ever had to face in my short little 29 yrs! I felt that if I were to calm down and just sit there and let it happen to me, I was going to die! When it was happeneing I could not sit still, I ran screaming, and crying all over the house, telling my fiance to call 911, I am dying, I am dying!!! What a crazy night that was, I will never forget it. The paramedics didn't even know what was wrong with me, they told me I had a fever!! Only my body and skin was not hot, and I think they just were trying to tell me anything just to calm me! It got even worse! I started to think about that episode nite, and day, not knowing at the time that I was feeding what I was going through! It happenened again, and again! I swear, I told my parents that if a doctor couldn't help me soon, I was going to die! I was still convenced that I was dying of something that was a mystery to everyone!! I had lost all interest in almost everything I once enjoyed and loved! I couldn't even take care of my two precious kids. Thank God I have a loving and understanding fiance, and he is a wonderful dad! The rest of my family as well, God blessed me with a great one, even though no one knew what was going on, they were with me and praying with me every step of the way!!! I couldn't drive, eat, scared to get in the shower, becuz I just knew I would calapse, and die, I couldn't be left alone with my kids, bcuz, I felt I would die on them, I couldn't be left by myself, if my fiance left, I had to go with him, if I couldn't he had to drop me off with my grandma, or my parents, and I would not return home unless, someone I trusted was there, someone who could drive me to the hospital if I wanted to go! I found myself looking for hospitals if I went somewhere far from home, just in case something happenened and I had to go! I had to quit school for the 3rd time! I am a diva, and I was at the point that I could barely dress myself, and I would go days without combing my hair!! I was a MESS!!

Today is a NEW DAY!! God was working when I thought he had given up on me! He put ppl in my path that could help me! I found out that I had a distant cousin, and an aunt that had went through the same exact things! That was my first bit of peace. Then my cousin told me about a mental health center that she went to that helped her with her anxiety, and after not believing her as far as this just being anxiety, I could take no more, and I made an appt., and I went! I went for talk therapy at first once a wk, then once every two weeks, then one every three weeks, now I only have to go once a month! I see a phychiatrist once every three months, and him and my talk therapist reassure me all the time that I have come along way, and it will only keep getting better. I have been on Lexapro for 10months, started out on 10mgs, and have had to increase it once to 15mgs. Since I've been on Lexapro, I have not had a full blown panic attack since March of this yr!! I have done StressCenter Program one time through, and that reallt got me thinking better, and feeling better, I do plan to do it again soon! I have a long way to go still, but no matter how hard some days may be along the way, and no matter how strong and scary these body symptoms can get, I am always and forever looking to GOD, and gonna continue to pray! He has done so much for me in my life as a whole, but I really feel like I really needed to go through something such as this to help me to KNOW that HE IS!!!!! With out God we can do nothing, through God we can do ALL THINGS!!

I still struggle, and he is showing me the way, and I pray for patience, bcuz I struggle with that the most. Someday I do believe that I will be over and through this, I just have to believe! I am back to doing things on my own! I can drive anywhere! I am the diva that I once was!! My appetite came back months ago, at times a little too much! I am enjoying the things that I once had an interest for! I am involved in my kids' daily lives, anf activities! My fiance and I are planning our wedding, it's less than 6mos away!!! I wake up thanking God, and thanking him all through out the day, everyday! I am soo thankful to have a relationship with Jesus Christ! I pray he continues to push me in his will and direction, and help me to stay focused! As for all the wonderful ppl on this website! I have come soo far, only to keep on even farther! God Bless !!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:29 pm

Brandi: I just started the program not too long ago and wow! I was thrilled and happy to read this post by you--thrilled for you that you got your life back and happy for me that I am now starting this program. Thanks for making me smile this evening, looking forward to how good it will be again once I get my life back too! God bless you in your newfound happiness! Way to go!
Terri

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:35 pm

Brandi,

I remember that! You and I started about the same time. I remember some of the times when you just needed reassurance that you weren't the only one. I'm so glad to hear how far you've come! Congratulations. Thanks for checking in and for the good report.

I too am doing really well and amazed by my own inner strength and progress. A year can make such a tremendous difference. My husband commented the other day about the marked difference in how I handle things now versus one year ago.

Thanks again for the good word! Peace!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 29, 2009 3:10 pm

Brandi,

Your story has me in tears!! I can not believe how similar our stories are. I had my first panic attack at 27 and had no idea what was going on - was in and out of the ER at least once a week....

I am so glad you found help and you seem to be doing amazing. Thank you for sharing!!

Angie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:20 am

Good for you!!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:17 am

Good for you Brandy, you are on your way. You mentioned that you have a long way to go. Don't get discouraged, the program takes time and you will see progress at times when you least expect it.