I feel like the worst Mom!

GAVINSMOM · Post by **GAVINSMOM** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:17 am

Today my son had a program at school. I suffer from horrible agoraphobia but I have been able to bring myself to walk him into school this year. Anyways after I walked him in this morning I was supposed to stay for a play they were having. I tried so hard but the more and more people that started crowding in the more panicky I became. I finally couldn't take it anymore and had to leave. My family stayed so he had them there but not me. Now I am sitting here feeling like the most horrible mom in the world. I hate this agoraphobia. I have missed so much because of this. I fear that one day he will hate me because of this condition. Is there any of you guys out there that have kids and agoraphobia? And how do you deal with your kids sports and school functions? Could use any advice.

karenLeigh · Post by **karenLeigh** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:31 am

Oh my goodness...I could just cry right now. You have no idea how much we have in commen. I have suffered with so much guilt with this. I know how you feel. I know it's hard but try your best to snap out of the "negative thinking" that your having. It will only keep you stuck...feeling like this! Go back to session 3 if you need to. That is what I have done when I get very down on myself.

Talk about being the worst mom ever...I could not even take my kids to the first day of school this year. I beat myself up for that for almost a week. Please don't do that!! There are things I regret as a mom. I missed my daughters kindergarten 'Mothers Day Tea". My daughter was like...why did'nt you come? I was the only one there without their mom. I could go on and on but I want because it's neg. thinking.
I will tell you this though, I thought my daughter would remember it forever and guess what...She did not!!! I was struck with it once again when my youngest was in kindergarten. I was struggling with it(about going) all those memories came flashing back. What if she thinks I"m a terrible mom, What if! what if!
I said something to my oldest daughter about not going to hers and she was like what.. I don't even remember that. I was shocked! I just knew I had scared her for life..seriously.
Just remember that their kids they don't look at things the way we do as adults. We tend to blow things up. I'm not saying that it was'nt important to you..I know it was because I've been there and "I" will still go thru things like this again with my chidren, I KNOW I WILL!
We have to forgive ourselves(RIGHT NOW) for the things we are unable to do. I can't go back in time and fix what went wrong...but I can try right now this min., this hour, the rest of today. To try to do my BEST! Don't compare yourself to any other person or mom. You are you and I know your little boy loves you no matter what happened...I just beleive that! Be proud of yourself for trying.

I have agoraphobia too. Something I told my girls when they started getting old enough to understand was..." I can't do things sometimes because I'm sick" or "I will try to come if I can" Just giving them a simple explanation for now really does work.
I'm not totally housebound but it gets hard when school functions start. My first panic attack was at school so it has been extremely hard for me. If you ever want to PM me you can. I really no how you feel...your not alone. Don't give up keep using the program. We will get better!
Take-care of yourself

I'm not yesterday and I'm not tommorrow...I am Now!

Ginger239 · Post by **Ginger239** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:47 am

Hi, I'm just starting the program. I feel the same way about being in my girls schools. My ex and I have been divorced for 5 years. He lives in their school district and I live outside. For years I was unable to attend alot of school activities because of my work. But as of 2006 I've become more involved. But I still feel that the school is his turf. Because of his manipulation.... Once when I was at their school he accousted me in front of the school as the kids were leaving for the day, stating that I did not belong there. Well I know better......but still experience x-treme anxiety whenever I have to go. I get physically sick and often have miss their events. I need help in dealing with the ex.

DaDutchess · Post by **DaDutchess** » Sun Sep 14, 2008 8:27 pm

Wow I truly understand how you feel. I have to beautiful girls and I had fears of being around alot of people because of them all staring at me or knowing I have an issue but I had to step outside of myself for a minute and force myself to stay.I kept reminding myself Its just anxiety and you are ok its for my girls. When I couldnt go believe me you son will not hold anything against you because you are a wonderful mother.Im sure you take very good care of his well being as a young man and thats a hard job believe me I know, Think of all the positive things you do for him on a daily basis and know that we as mothers can do everything but we sure can try.

nspyredj · Post by **nspyredj** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:19 pm

Hi there- I don't know if I suffer from agoraphobia really, but I do have issues going away from my "safe-place" or not having an "out" where I can escape if I have to. I've never been able to do field trips as a chaperone because of it. My kids have always begged me and I never can do it.

I know how you feel about feeling like a terrible mom. There's been times that I wish I could do something when they ask and I say, "We'll see". They both (10 & 6) have come to even say under their breath, "which means 'no'" - and that really hurts too.

We are all struggling with something that has kept us from doing a lot in our life. Mine is going on vacations and that is why I finally got the program. But, we are all here to support eachother and make sure that the program is a success for us, and hopefully for the people we chat with each day.

Keep your spirits up. You will get through this and your family relationships will benefit as well. I wish you great success. -J

karenLeigh · Post by **karenLeigh** » Tue Sep 16, 2008 4:20 pm

I know GAVINSMOM has not responded(I hope she does). I am glad(don't know of a better word to say) their are other MOM'S that feel the way I do. I hope we can all support one another with this tuff issue. Especially since school has started back.