Hello,
I officially started the tapes on February 25th, although before that I raced through ALL of them to glean information and send them back on time. I realized that I need them and that I need to start week to week. But by looking ahead, I was able to pinpoint why I have been unhappy for over 2 years. I wondered why, but didn't examine it.
First, in my 1st trimester, I found out my dad had an affair which led to a divorce from my mom of 37 years. It was sudden, we were a very tight family and I had to push these thoughts aside to deal with my pregnancy. I have not spoken to him since.
Second, 3 days after giving birth I had my first panic attack. I hadn't slept in days even before the baby was due. I had suicidal thoughts, I was put on immediate medicine and was in complete survival mode. I didn't take care of my baby for 3 months.
Obviously, these are the issues I've never dealt with or had the skills to deal with. Now that I am trying to deal with them, the postpartum feelings are coming back full strength. We thought we wanted a 2nd child, but now that sends me into terror. My brain does not want to go back there, it only associates childbirth with panic.
From the bottom of my heart, I want to get better. I want to stop the anxiety, the worry the ridiculous thoughts and make decisions based on what I want instead of what other families are doing.
I've been on Klonopin for 2 years. I recently tried to wean, but lapsed into a week filled with panic, probably made up by myself. I have an EXCELLENT postpartum doctor who has been in this business for 27 years. I trust him completely. He told me that I may need to be on a little Klonopin for a long time given that my nervous system is so sensitive.
I'm going to get through these tapes and get on the lowest dose I can. I'm just wondering if anybody else started this way? Did your anxiety, panic or stress begin with Postpartum? Are you still on medication? Are you recovered? Were you able to go on and have a 2nd baby feeling mentaly healthy?
This is my first post, I hope some of you can relate.
Thanks,
Valerie
Postpartum Anxiety and Depression
I made a post sometime last year that I thought might help you. here is the link:
<A HREF="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 6621062743" TARGET=_blank>http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 1062743</A>
<A HREF="http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 6621062743" TARGET=_blank>http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/ ... 1062743</A>
Thanks so much for the reply. That is very interesting considering I was just thinking I should go back on birth control. I've spent most my life on it for cysts on my ovaries that had burst, but stopped taking it last year because I thought it was contributing to my anxiety. I was thinking about the Mirena, I've had that before, but it was the year after my daughter was born and I was such a mess that I can't tell if it was good or bad for me. I had it taken out because I thought we would want another child. May I ask, which birth control worked for you?
Thanks again,
Valerie
Thanks again,
Valerie