husband's drinking and feeling lonely

localgirl · Post by **localgirl** » Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:32 am

Aloha from hawaii. I have been married for 32 yrs. Life was great in the beginning and now I feel lonely and it's very painful. Did program about 5 yrs. ago. I pretty much have the anxiety part under control and the self esteem. Ther problem now is husband drinks heavily with his friends mostly everyday like 5 - 6 hrs. saturday was 7hrs. Sick of it and feeling so lonely. I just want to have someone to hang with,we don't do anything together anymore. We use to go fishing and camping together. Now he rather booze it up and hang with the boys. I explain how unhappy I am and he says that I'm just bitching and to shut up get out if you not happy here. I am 52 yrs old. and a I can't do this any longer I feel that my life is passing me by. Does any one have the same problem out there...please help me..am I wrong to feel like this?
local girl

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Sep 07, 2009 5:29 am

local girl...I cannot tell you what to do, but, I can tell you this!!! You deserve to be happy!!! It is not your fault that your hubby drinks, although drinkers tend to blame their drinking on the spouses!!!

Have you ever thought about calling his bluff??? I bet he would see things in a new light, if, you stopped letting him treat you in this manner!!!

Have you ever heard that saying...You never miss a good thing, until it is gone!!!

You have every right to feel the way you do!!! No-one should have to live in the manner in which you are living!!!

God did not intend for you to be any man's doormat!!! You are a human being with feelings and I totally emphasize with you!!!

Drinking has split up soooo many homes!!! I think it is high time that ladies stand up and say...Enough is Enough!!!

You have 2 choices...You can remain with your hubby and be miserable the rest of your days, or you can leave him!!!

I don't know if you are a christian or not, neither is that any of my business!!!

But, I do have to tell you that my hubby drank for years, but, when I totally surrendered my life to Jesus and began living, breathing, eating and sleeping for Him, then, my hubby turned from his wild ways, got saved and has been a follower of Christ ever since!!!

Of course, I prayed very hard for him for years!!! When I just gave up and surrendered it all to Jesus, then, within a month he had stopped drinking and was attending church!!!

God does not always do things on our time, yet, He does know how to work and no one can hinder HIS work!!!

I know that your predicament is VERY DIFFICULT, AND I AM SOOOOO SORRY THAT YOU ARE SUFFERING IN THIS MANNER!!!

May God Richly Bless You is My Prayer!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Sep 07, 2009 5:48 am

As a recovering alcoholic with 12 years of sobriety I can tell you one of the best things you can do for yourself is to attend a local Alanon meeting. There you can find people who are in the same situation as you and they can share living "tools" to help you get through this difficult time. Once you have some solid emotional ground to stand on and some human/spiritual support you can follow the path that will lead you to a solution. The best thing about Alanon is the knowing you are not alone and others are working on the same problem in their life.

As a former drinker, I had to face the fact that I could either continue drinking and die shortly alone or give up and get into a recovery program - AA, and learn to live without alcohol. I couldn't stand the pain I was causing the people in my life. It has been hard at times, but being sober is infinitly better than drinking.

All my best,

Dan

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:27 pm

Originally posted by Ms. T Bones:
local girl...I cannot tell you what to do, but, I can tell you this!!! You deserve to be happy!!! It is not your fault that your hubby drinks, although drinkers tend to blame their drinking on the spouses!!!

Have you ever thought about calling his bluff??? I bet he would see things in a new light, if, you stopped letting him treat you in this manner!!!

Have you ever heard that saying...You never miss a good thing, until it is gone!!!

You have every right to feel the way you do!!! No-one should have to live in the manner in which you are living!!!

God did not intend for you to be any man's doormat!!! You are a human being with feelings and I totally emphasize with you!!!

Drinking has split up soooo many homes!!! I think it is high time that ladies stand up and say...Enough is Enough!!!

You have 2 choices...You can remain with your hubby and be miserable the rest of your days, or you can leave him!!!

I don't know if you are a christian or not, neither is that any of my business!!!

But, I do have to tell you that my hubby drank for years, but, when I totally surrendered my life to Jesus and began living, breathing, eating and sleeping for Him, then, my hubby turned from his wild ways, got saved and has been a follower of Christ ever since!!!

Of course, I prayed very hard for him for years!!! When I just gave up and surrendered it all to Jesus, then, within a month he had stopped drinking and was attending church!!!

God does not always do things on our time, yet, He does know how to work and no one can hinder HIS work!!!

I know that your predicament is VERY DIFFICULT, AND I AM SOOOOO SORRY THAT YOU ARE SUFFERING IN THIS MANNER!!!

May God Richly Bless You is My Prayer!!!

Mrs. T Bones,

Thank you for your respond. Yes, I am a very spititual. And probably makes it hard too because taking vows and the whole family thing. I always ask God to help me and make us close again but he must be busy.
And yes I did leave last year on father's day for a week and came back to broken promises. I leave all to God is all I can do. Someday I can see us not staying together. But I have to plan it right and not do things on impulse.
Honestly my feelings have changed so much for him that it scares me. When I left for the week I realize that I can walk and not look back if anything. I was so relaxed and had some time to think about a lot of things. The problem was affecting my concentration at work and that's when I finally said ....no more.
God bless and be well,
local girl

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:34 pm

Originally posted by Pack99:
As a recovering alcoholic with 12 years of sobriety I can tell you one of the best things you can do for yourself is to attend a local Alanon meeting. There you can find people who are in the same situation as you and they can share living "tools" to help you get through this difficult time. Once you have some solid emotional ground to stand on and some human/spiritual support you can follow the path that will lead you to a solution. The best thing about Alanon is the knowing you are not alone and others are working on the same problem in their life.

As a former drinker, I had to face the fact that I could either continue drinking and die shortly alone or give up and get into a recovery program - AA, and learn to live without alcohol. I couldn't stand the pain I was causing the people in my life. It has been hard at times, but being sober is infinitly better than drinking.

All my best,

Dan

Hey pack 99,
Thanks for your reply. I did go to a few alanon meetings and honestly I felt like they were teaching us to put up with a drinker, correct me if I'm wrong ok. Seems like we were talking about ourselves there. Maybe wrong group I don't know.
Mahalo (thank you)
local girl

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 2:30 am

localgirl, drinking does change many things in a marriage, including feelings!!! I totally understand!!! I was there at one point and I feel for you!!!

God Bless You localgirl!!!