I'm mad today. Not anxious....just mad.
1) I have had added anxiety this week because of some of the things on THIS discussion board. I appreciate honesty, but for those of us still suffering from SEVERE panic attacks and agorophobia, brutal honesty is too much!
2) I want to know how long it takes before this starts to really work?
3) I went to Wal-Mart last night and was fine until I got onto an aisle that was very crowded. I totally freaked out and had to leave the store. My mom got mad at me again for "giving in" as she calls it.
4) Why can't anybody seem to understand that if I had a switch inside my head to turn all this off I would have done it a long time ago? Why can't they be satisfied with little steps instead of expecting me to take giant leaps in only a few days?
5) Why can't I use my intellect to get me out of this? I'm a member of MENSA for God's sake!! I know what this is. I know I'm not dying. So, why can't I just think myself out of it??
So....somebody tell me who to be the most pissed off at....mom, my friends, my family, some people posting on here or just me?
....why do I think I know your answer....
Not sure who to be most mad at!
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Guest
oh dear it sound like you having a bad day.. dont push yourself to much and reasure yourself that you are entitled to be mad a some people at sometime. anger is a normal emotion. just not to much of it obviously. i think my problem is i dont get angry enough so this is what causes my issues. maybe if we just say what is on our minds in a calm manner to those who deserve it the anger will go. please dont get angry with what other people say to you. rise above it. and wow to the big brain! we keep being told that we are clever people on the programme so there you go. hope your days get better. good luck. take care.
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Guest
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Guest
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Guest
Jason,
Who to be mad at? I've spent the past 20 years debating that question and I have found lots of answers, mostly myself for not being smart enough, strong enough, etc. to deal with this thing. Like you, I have been MENSA'd and think it was a nice recognition at the time, but the stigma actually setup a barrier to recovery from this illness - If I'm so damn smart, why can"t I realize/internalize that these are just feelings, and then the internal spiral of questioning and negativity starts.
I suffer from agoraphobia as well, but have always taken the stance that I wouldn't let that get in the way of the important decisions. Some days that meant I didn't get groceries or get the errands run, but they did get done when it was absolutely critical. Other days it meant I had to DRAG myself out to get the car to the shop and explain to the mechanic what needs fixing, because I couldn't make it too far without a car. On a side note - I love the self-checkout lanes: no human interaction!!
So first, I'd ask that you try to not remove yourself from the store, but remove yourself from the aisle that is giving you grief. If you're with your mom, I assume you are helping her shop - Maybe you could try the professional shopper approach: get one of those hand carts and quickly go get a few items at a time and the return to the "mother ship" for drop off and next pickup assignments. I've also gone to the toilet paper aisle and squeezed the Charmin. They don't get too mad at you, but you do get a few looks.
Secondly - I'd be pissed at your mom for telling you to that you gave in. She is either choosing not to do her end of the deal or is just plain ignorant of the illness. But you can't be pissed at her if you haven't let her know how you feel and educate her, don't just play "hurt puppy": use that grey matter to explain how she can help and what is not so helpful. Give her the page in session 2 about what people supporting you can do (and NOT do, like telling you that you are not making enough progress...)
Lastly, I find this forum helps me see what others are feeling (validation) but it doesn't provide much in the way of solutions. Try keeping a journal to write down any of those things that cause you stress (external stressers) and then what you observe helps alleviate/eliminate the attack. Patterns will emerge.
Just my two "sense".
Who to be mad at? I've spent the past 20 years debating that question and I have found lots of answers, mostly myself for not being smart enough, strong enough, etc. to deal with this thing. Like you, I have been MENSA'd and think it was a nice recognition at the time, but the stigma actually setup a barrier to recovery from this illness - If I'm so damn smart, why can"t I realize/internalize that these are just feelings, and then the internal spiral of questioning and negativity starts.
I suffer from agoraphobia as well, but have always taken the stance that I wouldn't let that get in the way of the important decisions. Some days that meant I didn't get groceries or get the errands run, but they did get done when it was absolutely critical. Other days it meant I had to DRAG myself out to get the car to the shop and explain to the mechanic what needs fixing, because I couldn't make it too far without a car. On a side note - I love the self-checkout lanes: no human interaction!!
So first, I'd ask that you try to not remove yourself from the store, but remove yourself from the aisle that is giving you grief. If you're with your mom, I assume you are helping her shop - Maybe you could try the professional shopper approach: get one of those hand carts and quickly go get a few items at a time and the return to the "mother ship" for drop off and next pickup assignments. I've also gone to the toilet paper aisle and squeezed the Charmin. They don't get too mad at you, but you do get a few looks.
Secondly - I'd be pissed at your mom for telling you to that you gave in. She is either choosing not to do her end of the deal or is just plain ignorant of the illness. But you can't be pissed at her if you haven't let her know how you feel and educate her, don't just play "hurt puppy": use that grey matter to explain how she can help and what is not so helpful. Give her the page in session 2 about what people supporting you can do (and NOT do, like telling you that you are not making enough progress...)
Lastly, I find this forum helps me see what others are feeling (validation) but it doesn't provide much in the way of solutions. Try keeping a journal to write down any of those things that cause you stress (external stressers) and then what you observe helps alleviate/eliminate the attack. Patterns will emerge.
Just my two "sense".
Hey....Jason...I don't think I have an answer...not just yet anyway...So....somebody tell me who to be the most pissed off at....mom, my friends, my family, some people posting on here or just me?
....why do I think I know your answer....
I do have a question though....when you say honesty is fine but brutal honesty is too much for those dealing w/ severe panick attacks and agoraphobia, what do you mean by that??
Adrien
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Guest
Thanks guys, really!
James - I need to jump in here and clarify about my mom. She has read all of the materials and listened to the CD for those living with people who suffer. Most of the reason she wants so badly for me to get better quickly is because she used to suffer from panic attacks. Although, back them they just told her she was having a nervous breakdown. She was able to conquer hers with no assistance.
My mom is neither mean, nor heartless. I know you didn't say that, I just want to be clear. She is under a great deal of stress with this as well because while I'm not working she's making my car payments so I don't lose my car. I think each time I have a setback, she views it as one more car payment she has to make.
I'm writing in my journal daily, or maybe not writing daily, but keeping notes about each day's events. I'm doing all of the things I'm supposed to be doing...I guess maybe I'm just a slower learner here? I agree with you about the MENSA stigma. I'm so used to everything being easy for me that I don't understand why this is not.
Anyway, I hope that clears things up about mom! I just didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea...she's not mean, just concerned and stressed.
Energy....I think what I mean about brutal honesty is the posts like the one the other day that purported to be an endorsement of the program, but spent most of the time talking about Lucinda's husband committing suicide and attacking her for selling vitamins on TV. These sorts of posts are not helpful to those of us who are still in the very early stages of the program and who might still have doubts.
James - I need to jump in here and clarify about my mom. She has read all of the materials and listened to the CD for those living with people who suffer. Most of the reason she wants so badly for me to get better quickly is because she used to suffer from panic attacks. Although, back them they just told her she was having a nervous breakdown. She was able to conquer hers with no assistance.
My mom is neither mean, nor heartless. I know you didn't say that, I just want to be clear. She is under a great deal of stress with this as well because while I'm not working she's making my car payments so I don't lose my car. I think each time I have a setback, she views it as one more car payment she has to make.
I'm writing in my journal daily, or maybe not writing daily, but keeping notes about each day's events. I'm doing all of the things I'm supposed to be doing...I guess maybe I'm just a slower learner here? I agree with you about the MENSA stigma. I'm so used to everything being easy for me that I don't understand why this is not.
Anyway, I hope that clears things up about mom! I just didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea...she's not mean, just concerned and stressed.
Energy....I think what I mean about brutal honesty is the posts like the one the other day that purported to be an endorsement of the program, but spent most of the time talking about Lucinda's husband committing suicide and attacking her for selling vitamins on TV. These sorts of posts are not helpful to those of us who are still in the very early stages of the program and who might still have doubts.
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Guest
Jason -
I wouldn't pick any of the options from your list. I'm also very frustrated that I can't think my way out of this problem. But when I peel away the layers, I think that I'm most angry at the situation itself rather than any particular person. That makes it even more maddening because I can't take my anger out on anything tangible!
My solution is to exercise. Specifically, I try to get outside and run. When I feel nervous, I push myself harder and increase my pace. It uses up a lot of my pent up energy. I also sometimes imagine that I'm stepping on my anxiety as I go. So with each footfall, I'm giving my anxiety a little kick in the face. The imagery gives me some peace of mind and let's me burn through some of that misdirected anger.
Hope this helps,
Jamie
I wouldn't pick any of the options from your list. I'm also very frustrated that I can't think my way out of this problem. But when I peel away the layers, I think that I'm most angry at the situation itself rather than any particular person. That makes it even more maddening because I can't take my anger out on anything tangible!
My solution is to exercise. Specifically, I try to get outside and run. When I feel nervous, I push myself harder and increase my pace. It uses up a lot of my pent up energy. I also sometimes imagine that I'm stepping on my anxiety as I go. So with each footfall, I'm giving my anxiety a little kick in the face. The imagery gives me some peace of mind and let's me burn through some of that misdirected anger.
Hope this helps,
Jamie
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Guest
Jason-
You can't think yourself out of it, because this is not a rational issue. It is you being super sensitive to adrenaline squirts. Instead of calming yourself, you add more squirts and then your brain thinks you are in mortal danger and so you flee.
You are lucky that your mom took the time to listen to the info. etc. and can actually understand what you are talking about when you say "Panic", etc. My parents told me to pull me up by my bootstraps and that I didn't "really" feel like that. not helpful at all.
I think you are frustrated and impatient. Keep on with the relaxation tape and I guess make a decision about school so that is not weighing on you. Then focus on your healing and your schooling and not on how you feel. One foot in front of the other, with deep breathing and kind self talk will get you there.
You can't think yourself out of it, because this is not a rational issue. It is you being super sensitive to adrenaline squirts. Instead of calming yourself, you add more squirts and then your brain thinks you are in mortal danger and so you flee.
You are lucky that your mom took the time to listen to the info. etc. and can actually understand what you are talking about when you say "Panic", etc. My parents told me to pull me up by my bootstraps and that I didn't "really" feel like that. not helpful at all.
I think you are frustrated and impatient. Keep on with the relaxation tape and I guess make a decision about school so that is not weighing on you. Then focus on your healing and your schooling and not on how you feel. One foot in front of the other, with deep breathing and kind self talk will get you there.