Wife is "tired" of my anxieties

fixme · Post by **fixme** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:04 am

Im new here. Things not going so well right now. My wife just informed me she is unhappy and unsure about her"life's path". We are talking but tonight she is staying at a friends house to be by herself. She says my shyness, timidness and social anxiety turns her off. And she doesnt know what she wants right now. IM going to get help because it is a problem for me, not just her. She is talking and willing to go to counceling with me but Im not sure if she will stay in the end. SHe's very out going and is now, after 10 years together, "tired of my anxieties".
Ive struggled all my life and when I finally met her she accepted me but now, after should hasnt been able to "heal me"(her words) she is rethinking it all. Along wiht her confusion about her "life's path". Ive gone to see my doctor and IM back on PRozac and am making an appt to see a therapist. She says she would go if I ask her but I fear she may just confirm for herself that she wants to leave. I dont know that I can be "outgoing" enough for her or what exaclty she wants be to be. We have a house, no kids. I love her.

OmahaIsBeautiful · Post by **OmahaIsBeautiful** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:26 pm

Hello!

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time right now. It sounds like you're both making an effort to improve things, though, and that's absolutely wonderful. It's great that your wife is willing to talk to you about how she is feeling and is willing to go to counseling. Please at least consider counseling--it can be a scary prospect, but it's probably a scary idea for her, too. You wouldn't be in it alone. Remember that even though she's having a tough time now, too, she still cares about you as well. If she didn't, she wouldn't be willing to try to work on your relationship.

Have you started the program yet? If you have, stick with it--it is EXTREMELY helpful! Also, look at what you've accomplished already: even though you describe yourself as shy and timid, you took the huge step of posting a message on an online forum. That's a form of socializing. You should be very proud of yourself!

One final thought: Remember that anxiety is not something that can be "cured" and disappear, like a cold or the flu. You can learn some excellent strategies to deal with it, though, so that it does not control your life.

I wish you all the best!!

CAlfonso · Post by **CAlfonso** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:36 pm

Fixme, I fear that my wife would leave me if I don't "fix" my social phobia as well. She too is very very outgoing. So much so, that I avoid going to social events with her. It really bugs me how easy she makes it seem to be.

Hang in there! I wish the best for you in your current life situation.

aliengal24 · Post by **aliengal24** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 7:06 am

Hey all,

I fear that my boyfriend might leave me because I'm not outgoing enough too. He loves traveling and climbing mountains and going to concerts. I have a lot of anxiety so it's hard for me to do things like that. He said he accepts me for who I am, but I fear in the future that he will not. I can relate.

Fixme- I agree with Omaha, it does seem as though your wife is willing to try. I think counseling could work for you two. I wish you the best of luck!

jackpal · Post by **jackpal** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:09 pm

mr fixme,
my wife moved out after we had an argument. the reason for the argument was because i over-reacted to a situation. i saw the info-mercial on this program and decided to get. i now believe that it is a God-send, and i just started my 2nd week. i showed my wife the program, and convinced her that all i have is anxiety, which is true. don't give up! have faith in God....He says "your wife will be a fruitful vine in your house"--psalm 128.
I believe it and so should you. God bless you,
Jeff

fixme · Post by **fixme** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 2:10 pm

Thank you all for the well wishes. I am going Wednesday to see a therapist and while my wife says she is proud of the steps ive taken thus far she is still uncertain of what she wants. Sh esays she does lovve me but "is just tired and done seeing me so sad and unsure of myself". She says I need to learn to love myself before she can she continue on with me. And at some point she might go with me to the therapist. So for now Im in limbo with her and I am working on myself and giving her the space she needs. I havent signed up for the program, is it expensive? My funds are limited. Ive been working out and reading one of Lucinda's books which is tremendously helpful.

Miss_Kennedy · Post by **Miss_Kennedy** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 10:49 pm

NAMI (national allience of the mentally ill) has a family-to-family support group. Get online and find your local chapter. They are everywhere.

It helps support the families of people who experience mental health symptoms. Just give her the information and let her decide if it will be helpful for her.

From personal experience with this, sometimes it serves well to let someone go out into the world for a bit. Even if they date others. Because if the connection is truely there, its harder than one thinks to truely leave it behind.

You are going to be okay. I'm keeping you in my heart.

fixme · Post by **fixme** » Sun Jun 21, 2009 12:43 am

Originally posted by Miss_Kennedy:
NAMI (national allience of the mentally ill) has a family-to-family support group. Get online and find your local chapter. They are everywhere.

It helps support the families of people who experience mental health symptoms. Just give her the information and let her decide if it will be helpful for her.

From personal experience with this, sometimes it serves well to let someone go out into the world for a bit. Even if they date others. Because if the connection is truely there, its harder than one thinks to truely leave it behind.

You are going to be okay. I'm keeping you in my heart.

Thank you, very nice words and insightful comments. I really do appreciate that.

fixme · Post by **fixme** » Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:30 pm

IS it bad for me to have feelings of anger that my wife is shutting me out yet still living here while she "decides" waht she wants? Shouldnt she be tring to help me thru this process? Im so confused.

fixme · Post by **fixme** » Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:43 pm

SHe may think she is waiting to see if I can "heal" myself but her wanting to only focus on her and her career and "not having energy for both of us" right now might just backfire on her in the end. I didnt cheat on her, Im just struggling right now in my own head and what happened to "for better or worse"? What about that committment? How about a hug or smile now and then to show support for my progress. And a"im here for you honey". I think if she had the funds she would be gone already but she doesnt so she is here. I dont want to lose her but I dont want to live with someone like this if ther is no love, no outward caring. ONly if i "fix" myself will she stay? DOesnt she realize, while I may be able to feel better about myself, this will never totally go away? I'll never be the life of the party? I dont really know what she wants me to be. BUt I want someone who accepts and loves me, not someoen who makes me feel that Im always going to be worried if IM ougoing enough for her. To be continued.......