i need a little advice please???
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Darren John
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2007 5:37 pm
i am just starting the program after suffering agoraphobia, anxiety and panic attacks for nearly 20 years now.I am a 41 year old man and have a fantastic wife and 3 beautiful kids.I met my wife on the internet and have been married nearly 9 years now.When i met my wife she lived 100 miles aways and every weekend i fought panic attack after panic attack to be with her whether it was by train or car.over the last 3 years my agoraphobia has virtually made me housebound and we havent had a family vacation for nearly four years because of this.I am a family person and dont really have any friends and my wife and kids are my life.I suffer severe anxiety everyday but try to put that smile on my face to cheer the family up.I have even plucked up the courage to travel 100 miles to the seaside so that they can have an holiday.I cant travel in cars so i`m going to have to self medicate on alcohol or ask the doctor for some sort of tablet so i can get there.All was going well till this morning.My wife who is 39 has what we think is an age spot at the side of her side just a bit below the eye.She has noticed it for at least the last 2-3 years with no trouble from it.About 1 month ago she bought some fade away cream from the pharmacist and applied it everyday.About 2 week later she noticed the age spot had become inflamed and a raised making it look bigger.This morning we went to the doctor to see what it was.He looked at it and said i think we should send you to the skin cancer clinic to check it out.My heart sank when he said the word cancer.My wife is the strong one in the family and when we got home i cried.We have not long had a phone call to say the appointment is next thursday.Since we came from the doctors all my anxiety symtoms have come back tenfold.All that keeps going through my mind is if it is cancer and it has spread.I couldnt live without her she is my world!!!.Having to wait till thursday is killing me and making my anxiety much worse.The holiday is the last thing on my mind.I know i need to bew positive for the wife and kids but i feel like a mountain has been placed in front of me and my anixety has drained my energy to climb that mountain.
Hi Darren John-
I'll pray for you and your wife.
I'm sorry that you are having a hard time.
Keep working the program and using your skills. This is why you have been practicing-- it will show it's value now. It's OK to be anxious and feel icky. It's normal to care about your wife. Life isn't meant to be anxiety free. We are just learning the skills to help us ride the wave more comfortably.
I will pray for healing and peace for all involved.
Terri
I'll pray for you and your wife.
I'm sorry that you are having a hard time.
Keep working the program and using your skills. This is why you have been practicing-- it will show it's value now. It's OK to be anxious and feel icky. It's normal to care about your wife. Life isn't meant to be anxiety free. We are just learning the skills to help us ride the wave more comfortably.
I will pray for healing and peace for all involved.
Terri
Darren,
Do you have the program or have you been working on yourself through some other self help program? There is absolutely no need for you to live like this and I highly recommend you get started on a program to help you manage the anxiety disorder. I can give you all kinds of suggestions here but what I just wrote is probably the best advice right now. You need to know that you can survive - no matter what happens. Please don't take that as being cold or insensitive for nothing could be further from the truth. You can be devastated with what is going on in your life but you do not have to be run by it. Please try to understand this.
There is this program. Their is Dr. Liebgold's program, Joe Barry. The help is there. You must be willing to feel your fear and do the work associated with each tape. You can heal from this!!!!
Keep us posted.
Do you have the program or have you been working on yourself through some other self help program? There is absolutely no need for you to live like this and I highly recommend you get started on a program to help you manage the anxiety disorder. I can give you all kinds of suggestions here but what I just wrote is probably the best advice right now. You need to know that you can survive - no matter what happens. Please don't take that as being cold or insensitive for nothing could be further from the truth. You can be devastated with what is going on in your life but you do not have to be run by it. Please try to understand this.
There is this program. Their is Dr. Liebgold's program, Joe Barry. The help is there. You must be willing to feel your fear and do the work associated with each tape. You can heal from this!!!!
Keep us posted.
"Life is not about comfort. It is about living." Dr. Howard Liebgold
Darren
My wife had malignant melanoma. The best thing that can happen is to catch it as soon as possible and remove it. My wife had hers in a mole on her throat and they litterly cut her from ear to ear and removed it. She has been fine now for over 10yrs. I know how u feel so hang in there and remember that the cancer can be whipped. In the meantime u must take care of yourself-Work Lucindas program-relaxation tape,breathing,self talk it helps. God Bless
My wife had malignant melanoma. The best thing that can happen is to catch it as soon as possible and remove it. My wife had hers in a mole on her throat and they litterly cut her from ear to ear and removed it. She has been fine now for over 10yrs. I know how u feel so hang in there and remember that the cancer can be whipped. In the meantime u must take care of yourself-Work Lucindas program-relaxation tape,breathing,self talk it helps. God Bless
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Guest
Darren...You need to keep in mind that this may not even be skin cancer!!!
My first cousin has had several cancers removed from his forehead. That has been years ago, and he is just fine!!!!
My hubby's aunt had lots of skin cancers on her face. She was constantly having them removed. They never amounted to anything!!!
She lived a very long life, and died from a heart attack...
She wasn't the least concerned about the facial cancers...
Try and be positive...Leave this one in the Lord's hands!!! I am sure he will take excellent care of your wife!!!
It is your negative thinking that has gotten you sooo terrified!!!
Trust God...I will definitely say a prayer for your wife!!!
It would be sooo kind of you to keep us updated on this one!!!
I pray you have a good night's rest, and "let go and "let God!!!
My first cousin has had several cancers removed from his forehead. That has been years ago, and he is just fine!!!!
My hubby's aunt had lots of skin cancers on her face. She was constantly having them removed. They never amounted to anything!!!
She lived a very long life, and died from a heart attack...
She wasn't the least concerned about the facial cancers...
Try and be positive...Leave this one in the Lord's hands!!! I am sure he will take excellent care of your wife!!!
It is your negative thinking that has gotten you sooo terrified!!!
Trust God...I will definitely say a prayer for your wife!!!
It would be sooo kind of you to keep us updated on this one!!!
I pray you have a good night's rest, and "let go and "let God!!!
Hi everyone I havent posted here much and still feel kind of uncomfortable with it. when I did post i never really got a response so I didnt know if I was doing it right or not. I am on week 7 of the program and have been doing pretty well alot of great info. heres my problem because of financial problems in my life after nine years of being home with my son and taking care of him he is 17 and has multiple handicaps I have to go back to work at night so my husband can be with my son. I am so scared about it and I am having alot of anxiety I'm thinking all of these negative thoughts will i be able to do it. I don't even know how to talk to people what if something happens to my son while I am gone I guess I'm thinking and feeling like this job will bring back all kinds of anxiety and panic and I don't want that. I am having a hard time using the program to talk myself out of the feelings. I kinda angry at my husband to which is dumb because its not his fault work is slow. I feel like such a baby that I cant handle anything I dont I guess I just wanted to vent and get some positive feedback. thanks Roberta
Hi, Roberta L,
First of all, I am sorry you posted another time and didn't get a response. It looks like there may be some confusion for you about how to use the forum. I think it would have been really good if you would have started a new discussion so that you would get responses specifically for your situation. This thread was started by Darren John so that he could get advice for his problem. Others may not see your questions and concerns because they may not read it thinking that you were just another person who responded to Darren John. I just want to help you get responses:).
I wanted to also let you know that I am a mother of an eleven year old son who has severe autism. I completely understand the demands, and how important it is for the mother to be there. I have worked in the past and returned to graduate school while my husband worked full time in his profession, and to tell you the truth, I kind of regret it. I thought that I had to work to please certain people and that if I was an at home mom while my son was at school that I was somehow being a moocher, etc. However, my temporary position ended two years ago, and I can now see that being a full time caregiver even when my son is in school, requires a lot that other people do not understand unless they are the parent of a child with a disability.
So, on to you:). It's never fun to be in a position where we feel like we don't have a choice. I think you said that your husband lost his job and now you have to return to work. So, this wasn't something that you chose, and it's making you feel trapped and anxious. I wouldn't like that either if that happened to me. My advice is to look at all of your options and understand that you are more in control than you think, and you will see that you actually are making a choice.
Here's what I mean. First of all, look at all of your options. Is it completely necessary for you to return to work right now? I think your child qualifies for services such as SSI, and will those benefits increase because of your loss of income? Look at all of the services and options available to you if you and your husband choose not to return to work right now and wait until your husband finds another job. I am not saying that is the best decision, and only you can know that. Not everyone has a child with a disability, so don't make your decision about returning to work based on society's judgment. As you can see from this recent economic crisis, society doesn't tend to know what is best regarding finances.
I think after looking at your option of not working, you may see that you actually want to work. If that is the case, list all of the reasons that you are making a choice to do this right now no matter how mundane you think they are. Also, although you are away from your son, which I know is so hard, I promise, understand that you are leaving him in the hands of your husband who loves him just as much as you do. You really could be in a worse situation than that, so that is a bonus to this situation.
Another significant factor that may help you is knowing that this situation is temporary, unless you like the set up over the long term. I just read a book that made me feel better about my family's set up a few weeks ago. It is written by Elizabeth Warren, who is a leading Harvard Economist who predicted this financial collapse in the 1970's!!! In her book, she pointed out that one of the biggest and underestimated insurance policies families had in the past was the stay at home mother. She showed how families used to live off of one income, but if the husband lost his job or a child got sick, etc., the stay at home mother was there to either find a job temporarily to make up for the loss of income or to take care of the sick family member so that the main provider didn't have to miss work. She wasn't against mothers working, but she was against being dependent on two incomes and how the housing market started to take advantage of families by making them think that they needed two incomes to purchase inflated cost housing, etc. Anyway, my point is that you are that insurance policy right now:). Because you have chosen to take care of your son by being an at home mom and learned to live off of one income, you are now in the position to easily help your family by temporarily returning to work. Give yourself the credit your deserve for playing such an important role and being so smart:). I know you are a caring mother, who just feels torn, but you have helped your son and your husband so much already. Just know that you are making a choice to continue helping even though it isn't obvious that that's the case.
So, even if you look at the options, and see that you working really is the only one right now, know that you are still making a choice to be an adult and do what's best for your family. Next, focus on all of the skills taught in this program to help you deal with your anxiety. I think knowing that you are making a choice will go a long way, and then you can use these techniques from the program.
Take care,
luvpiggy
First of all, I am sorry you posted another time and didn't get a response. It looks like there may be some confusion for you about how to use the forum. I think it would have been really good if you would have started a new discussion so that you would get responses specifically for your situation. This thread was started by Darren John so that he could get advice for his problem. Others may not see your questions and concerns because they may not read it thinking that you were just another person who responded to Darren John. I just want to help you get responses:).
I wanted to also let you know that I am a mother of an eleven year old son who has severe autism. I completely understand the demands, and how important it is for the mother to be there. I have worked in the past and returned to graduate school while my husband worked full time in his profession, and to tell you the truth, I kind of regret it. I thought that I had to work to please certain people and that if I was an at home mom while my son was at school that I was somehow being a moocher, etc. However, my temporary position ended two years ago, and I can now see that being a full time caregiver even when my son is in school, requires a lot that other people do not understand unless they are the parent of a child with a disability.
So, on to you:). It's never fun to be in a position where we feel like we don't have a choice. I think you said that your husband lost his job and now you have to return to work. So, this wasn't something that you chose, and it's making you feel trapped and anxious. I wouldn't like that either if that happened to me. My advice is to look at all of your options and understand that you are more in control than you think, and you will see that you actually are making a choice.
Here's what I mean. First of all, look at all of your options. Is it completely necessary for you to return to work right now? I think your child qualifies for services such as SSI, and will those benefits increase because of your loss of income? Look at all of the services and options available to you if you and your husband choose not to return to work right now and wait until your husband finds another job. I am not saying that is the best decision, and only you can know that. Not everyone has a child with a disability, so don't make your decision about returning to work based on society's judgment. As you can see from this recent economic crisis, society doesn't tend to know what is best regarding finances.
I think after looking at your option of not working, you may see that you actually want to work. If that is the case, list all of the reasons that you are making a choice to do this right now no matter how mundane you think they are. Also, although you are away from your son, which I know is so hard, I promise, understand that you are leaving him in the hands of your husband who loves him just as much as you do. You really could be in a worse situation than that, so that is a bonus to this situation.
Another significant factor that may help you is knowing that this situation is temporary, unless you like the set up over the long term. I just read a book that made me feel better about my family's set up a few weeks ago. It is written by Elizabeth Warren, who is a leading Harvard Economist who predicted this financial collapse in the 1970's!!! In her book, she pointed out that one of the biggest and underestimated insurance policies families had in the past was the stay at home mother. She showed how families used to live off of one income, but if the husband lost his job or a child got sick, etc., the stay at home mother was there to either find a job temporarily to make up for the loss of income or to take care of the sick family member so that the main provider didn't have to miss work. She wasn't against mothers working, but she was against being dependent on two incomes and how the housing market started to take advantage of families by making them think that they needed two incomes to purchase inflated cost housing, etc. Anyway, my point is that you are that insurance policy right now:). Because you have chosen to take care of your son by being an at home mom and learned to live off of one income, you are now in the position to easily help your family by temporarily returning to work. Give yourself the credit your deserve for playing such an important role and being so smart:). I know you are a caring mother, who just feels torn, but you have helped your son and your husband so much already. Just know that you are making a choice to continue helping even though it isn't obvious that that's the case.
So, even if you look at the options, and see that you working really is the only one right now, know that you are still making a choice to be an adult and do what's best for your family. Next, focus on all of the skills taught in this program to help you deal with your anxiety. I think knowing that you are making a choice will go a long way, and then you can use these techniques from the program.
Take care,
luvpiggy
Darren this program can really help you to change your panic feelings and learn to live your life reacting better to stressfull situations. I believe it 100% cuz I have done that. Of course life is always going to have some sort of stress that throws us for a loop but with these skills you will be better equipt to handle them.
The spot on your wifes face may or may not be cancerous and there are all sorts of cancer cells some are very easily removed and no further issues come about. Also remember that not every spot turns to cancer it might be just that the lightening cream caused a reaction to your wifes face so many possibilities that its best not to anticipate the outcome. You may waste all your energies on worry and then it was all fine.
I highly suggest the live chat option to this program. Its wonderfull and can really get you through the daily struggles that plague us.
About going to the holiday and needing a little something I do suggest making an appointment with your doctor and discussing what some options might be. I have something to take as needed for just such a situation...I would strongly discourage you from self medicating with alcohol or any other sort of substance. That will only cause you further problems.
I dont take daily medication, I did my work soley on the program and the online chat and its working....very well.....you can do this.
Anxiety is just a bad habit of thinking negatively and you can change this with the right guidance.
Good luck to you I know you can do this.
And Prayers to your wife for a positive outcome to her skin issue.
Dodger
The spot on your wifes face may or may not be cancerous and there are all sorts of cancer cells some are very easily removed and no further issues come about. Also remember that not every spot turns to cancer it might be just that the lightening cream caused a reaction to your wifes face so many possibilities that its best not to anticipate the outcome. You may waste all your energies on worry and then it was all fine.
I highly suggest the live chat option to this program. Its wonderfull and can really get you through the daily struggles that plague us.
About going to the holiday and needing a little something I do suggest making an appointment with your doctor and discussing what some options might be. I have something to take as needed for just such a situation...I would strongly discourage you from self medicating with alcohol or any other sort of substance. That will only cause you further problems.
I dont take daily medication, I did my work soley on the program and the online chat and its working....very well.....you can do this.
Anxiety is just a bad habit of thinking negatively and you can change this with the right guidance.
Good luck to you I know you can do this.
And Prayers to your wife for a positive outcome to her skin issue.
Dodger
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Darren John
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2007 5:37 pm
can i thank all of you that has responded to my post it gives me and others comfort to know that there are people out there who truly do give a damn.It is so easy to give up on society with all the bad stuff going on in the world but when you get the kind of advice from people like yourself you fully restore your faith in mankind.I am dreading going to the hospital on thursday with my wife but in a way i cant wait to go to find out what it is.I will keep you posted on how we go and once again thank you all
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Marinapark
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Fri May 01, 2009 9:09 pm
Darren-
I found that doing things that I wanted to do, despite the fear, was the best choice. Once you are on holiday, immerse yourself in some activity with your children...swimming, hiking, biking. Getting involved with them will take you out of your worries, even if just for a little while. It will give you hope. Also, practice gratitude for your wife and kids. That activity alone can change the anxiety. Stick with the positive thinking, it works!
I found that doing things that I wanted to do, despite the fear, was the best choice. Once you are on holiday, immerse yourself in some activity with your children...swimming, hiking, biking. Getting involved with them will take you out of your worries, even if just for a little while. It will give you hope. Also, practice gratitude for your wife and kids. That activity alone can change the anxiety. Stick with the positive thinking, it works!