Self esteem issuse due to growing up w/out my Fathers love

CG822 · Post by **CG822** » Wed May 20, 2009 7:29 am

This is has been such an issue for me! All my life, I am 26, and I am always flocking to men for that love that I have never really known from a father. Im sure I wont find fatherly love in any man, I want to find my own love in myself. Its so hard for me...

I know I am a good person, I know I have come along way with my depression, anxiety, OCD...I know I am strong and smart, yes I know these things and people can tell me these all day long...however, I DO NOT FEEL ANY OF THESE THINGS IN MY HEART...I am numb to myself. and It drives me crazy. I use to have confidence and be ok, now Its any man in my phonebook that will entertain me thru text msg. I am OCd with my phone! I sabatage all my relationships because I push and push till I push them away and freak them out! I miss my last ex, he was awesome, but wasnt ready for things to take off, newly divorced with children, and i kinda freaked him out too. Why do I do this so much? I am not that desperate...its pathetic how I text him when I am drunk, I feel like such a loser!!!! The next day is horrible. I am stopped my drinking and I will leave my phone at home from now on if I go out

I just want my self esteem back and confidence like never before..

God Bless...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed May 20, 2009 10:58 am

CG,

Just a guess here, but you probably have trouble seeing God as your Father, right? Alot of girls who grew up without Dad have this. You can overcome this, but the only way I know is not through a human relationship, but through a spiritual one with God. You have to begin to heal that area spiritually before you can begin to have a healthy self image. Once you begin to see/believe the value that God places on you, you'll begin to feel it inside. Then you can begin to believe your own positive self-talk.

A couple of good books to help you along the way are "Changes that Heal" and "Boundaries" both by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They do an amazing job of pointing out how special we are to God and backing it up with biblical examples.

God Bless you and Heal you!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed May 20, 2009 1:08 pm

CG822, I can relate to your situation from days gone by. The good news is that at 26 you can still have a wonderful life. Some people have bad fathers instead of no father which can cause emotional problems as well. I agree with advice from New Nana, and say don't leave out Jesus Christ. God sent him to earth so we could know God in human form. Then the Holy Spirit was sent so we would have a constant companion, helper and comforter. There are a lot of books written by woman who have experienced same or similar or worse conditions then became over-comers through the love and provision of God our Father. Beth Moore "Get Out Of That Pit" Joyce Myer "Beauty For Ashes" can be found on Amazon and book stores. Once you get on the right path, God will continue to lead you to more knowledge. I believe the program by Lucinda is also one segment of the knowledge God gives to people to help heal damaged emotions. Things happen in life that can knock us off our feet and I believe in seeking out wisdom. Get into the New Testament, most people suggest reading John first. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you. God Bless.....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed May 20, 2009 2:45 pm

I guess I forgot to leave out that I am 110% a child of God! He is my father all day and night. I am a constant prayer and I truly believe he has great things for me, I give all of myself to him. I surrender as much as I possibly can. I lost my faith for a while, the devil took over me! But Im slowly starting to walk in faith again. I am catholic and do NOT know what Id do without God. I know he is my father and loves me. But I need the self healing, I pray for it at least 5 times a day. I know he hears me, I am not trying to worry because that means I am doubting him and anything not involving love is a sin. He carries me through when I cannot walk or pick myself up off the ground. But I just need to be right with myself, inside. I am numb to myself. I cant seem to appreciate myself and praise myself. But with Gods grace, I will.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed May 20, 2009 2:47 pm

I am currently reading "In Pursuit of Peace" by Joyce Meyer and I also have "battlefield of the mind" and "The Confident woman" and I try to catch her minister's on TV when they are on

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Sep 06, 2009 4:47 am

He carries me through when I cannot walk or pick myself up off the ground. But I just need to be right with myself, inside. I am numb to myself. I cant seem to appreciate myself and praise myself.

dear CG,
i cried when i read this particular post. the quote above describes exactly how I feel!!! i've been praying and praying (crying while in church--that's why i don't even go there anymore--found myself crying all the time (guess because of all the messages of love and sacrifice one person made for ME--just couldn't take it). like you, i hear others tell me good things about myself, but it's so very difficult to even understand them, to believe them; they don't sink in!!! sometimes, i just think they're saying stuff because they're friends, colleagues, family...i don't know what and from whom i'm expecting to hear that i'm "OK." if it's so hard for me to believe and FEEL what others say about me (the good things), imagine how much less/almost nonexistant my own good thoughts for myself are....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Nov 28, 2009 1:25 pm

My Dad left when I was 6, except for the occasional suprise vist every couple of years, I lived with the thought all my life "If I wasnt good enough for my own father to love me, who can love me" Many tearful nights crying myself to sleep, and even to this day if I had to cry on Que all I have to think about is that. As a 45 year old adult, I still do not trust that people love me, even thou I could have found a more loving husband. How can he love me truly,, my father couldnt love me? I fight this battle every day , but I am learning to say to myself that he did love me the only way he could. he had his own addiction to alcohol and his lack of love to me was not because of me but because he didnt know how. Perhaps one day I will forgive him for not being the father that I can be "daddy's little girl" with. One day I may be able to say I am good enough to be loved, even though my dad could not. Then I may be able to except that the people in my life can truly love me. I use to think that it would have been "better" if my father had passed on when I was 6 instead of just leaving,, Then I could have had this imaginary dad that I could have made up in my mind, one that would have loved me and one that thought I was the most important thing in his life,, One that taugh me love and how to love. One that thought I was the most beautiful precious thing in the world. Oh, how my life would have been differnt,,,, Dad has died, but only 7 years ago, my biggest fear all my life was going to his funeral without an ounce of saddness, after all how could you miss someone you never really knew or loved. I cried,but only because I made myself reach in to the soul of that little 6 - 38 year old girl crying herself to sleep wondering if her daddy ran away because she wasnt pretty enough to love....Where does self exteme come from ? Where do the beginnings of negitive thoughts manifest from? Thank GOD I got this program, I was at my most deepest deepression and thought that this was it,