Am I being to hard on myself?
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roadblock79
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 6:08 pm
Lucinda says in her program to be commpassionate to ourselves. Well When I am trying to find a reason not to get in the car and drive somewhere, I feel like a failure, cause I don't want to feel anxiety. Then I beat up my self for not doing so, or not going some where I needed to go. Am I being to hard on my self, Am I doing it the wrong way, I try to tell my self its okay there will be lots of other oppurtunities to travel. Help!!
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Guest
No one wants to feel anxious, but we all do in one way or another. Don't beat yourself up over it. If your concerned about driving, then you should probably start slower. Don't have a destination or time schedual, start out slow, drive around the block and praise yourself for doing what you can. If nothing else, remember that you are trying. Maybe just siting in the car and relax yourself, get comfortable in it. Find something that you enjoy about driving and focus on that. I love to drive because it gives me the sence of control and I just have a feeling of peace being by myself. I also listen to uplifting music and radio programs.
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Guest
Hi roadblock79,
Bevann definitely makes a very valid point with mentioning taking it at a steady pace. One of my biggest fears was, and well still is driving. The last few days a lot of horrible things took place in my life, but I took advantage of it to face my fears.
Each and everyone of us anxiety or not handles things differently, so make sure to never tell yourself you have to do things at the same pace that someone else did it. I made myself drive around our neighborhood yesterday and panicked. I drove around for about 10 minutes or so then decided to get on the highway and get to where I wanted to go. I still don't have a license only a learner's permit so a family member was with me.
Even if you only drive around the neighborhood, forget the highway or a long drive if you feel you can't. I know for a fact you will feel a sense of relief after you do so. Its difficult to do I know, but I also know you are very well capable of it. Take care and best of luck to you.
peace & love
-Dustin
Bevann definitely makes a very valid point with mentioning taking it at a steady pace. One of my biggest fears was, and well still is driving. The last few days a lot of horrible things took place in my life, but I took advantage of it to face my fears.
Each and everyone of us anxiety or not handles things differently, so make sure to never tell yourself you have to do things at the same pace that someone else did it. I made myself drive around our neighborhood yesterday and panicked. I drove around for about 10 minutes or so then decided to get on the highway and get to where I wanted to go. I still don't have a license only a learner's permit so a family member was with me.
Even if you only drive around the neighborhood, forget the highway or a long drive if you feel you can't. I know for a fact you will feel a sense of relief after you do so. Its difficult to do I know, but I also know you are very well capable of it. Take care and best of luck to you.
peace & love
-Dustin
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Guest
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Guest
The advice given here is very good. It is definately important to realize that the expectation of being over our struggles all at once is not reasonable. Rarely have we ever been able to master any skill or phobia as humans. Even when we learned to walk, we didn't just wake up one day, decide to walk and do it perfectly. We fell on our faces a few times, possibly smacked our heads off of things and we got up and tried again. But at what age do you have to be before you are expected to do things perfectly the first time? Do you know of anybody else who has the same anxiety with driving that you do and that has conquered it all in one go?
As for the beating yourself up for not doing something, if you are like me then knowing why may help minimize the beating up sessions for procrastinating and not following through on things.
This comes from a book that i'm reading called Feeling Good by David D. Burns, M.D.
Mindsets most commonly involved in procrastination & do-nothingness. Keep in mind, you are not a bad person or doing bad if you fall into any of these categories or even if you procrastinate or don't do something. It would only be reasonable to feel demotivated if you do struggle with any of these upcoming categories. We all have the potential to grow and we have all done something in our lives that we didn't procrastinate. And there are many diffrent techniques you can use to overcome these 13 things. It's also in the book but i can tell you more if you'd like.
1)Hopelessness
->Any activity seems pointless since you seem absolutely certain nothing can help.
2)Helplessness
->Nothing you do will make you feel better because your condition is caused by uncontrollable factors
3)Overwhelming yourself
->You magnify an activity until it seems impossible and/or you assume you must get everything done at once.
4)Jumping to conclusions
->You can't take effective action because you say "I can't" or "I would but..."
5)Self-labeling
->You see your lack of effective action as the "real you" so that you automatically expect nothing from yourself.
6)Undervaluing the rewards
->Disqualifying positives..ie. anybody could have done that.
7)Perfectionism
->You defeat yourself with innappropriate goals & standards. You will settle for nothing less than perfect and so you usually end up with nothing.
8)Fear of Failure
->You imagine that putting in effort & not succeeding will be too overwhelming.
->You overgeneralize; if I fail at this then I fail at everything
->And you evaluate performance based on outcome & feedback of others instead of the process
9)Fear of success
->You won't be able to keep it up and people will expect more from you.
10)Fear of Dissaproval or criticism
->Any mistake will be met with harsh criticism & you will be rejected for being human or imperfect.
11)Coercion & Resentment
->You & other people "should","must" and "have to" you and this creates too intense pressure.
12)Low Frustration Tolerance
->Assume solving problems and goals to be reached quick & easily
13)Guilt & Self-blame
->Frozen in conviction you are bad or have let others done.
Mike
As for the beating yourself up for not doing something, if you are like me then knowing why may help minimize the beating up sessions for procrastinating and not following through on things.
This comes from a book that i'm reading called Feeling Good by David D. Burns, M.D.
Mindsets most commonly involved in procrastination & do-nothingness. Keep in mind, you are not a bad person or doing bad if you fall into any of these categories or even if you procrastinate or don't do something. It would only be reasonable to feel demotivated if you do struggle with any of these upcoming categories. We all have the potential to grow and we have all done something in our lives that we didn't procrastinate. And there are many diffrent techniques you can use to overcome these 13 things. It's also in the book but i can tell you more if you'd like.
1)Hopelessness
->Any activity seems pointless since you seem absolutely certain nothing can help.
2)Helplessness
->Nothing you do will make you feel better because your condition is caused by uncontrollable factors
3)Overwhelming yourself
->You magnify an activity until it seems impossible and/or you assume you must get everything done at once.
4)Jumping to conclusions
->You can't take effective action because you say "I can't" or "I would but..."
5)Self-labeling
->You see your lack of effective action as the "real you" so that you automatically expect nothing from yourself.
6)Undervaluing the rewards
->Disqualifying positives..ie. anybody could have done that.
7)Perfectionism
->You defeat yourself with innappropriate goals & standards. You will settle for nothing less than perfect and so you usually end up with nothing.
8)Fear of Failure
->You imagine that putting in effort & not succeeding will be too overwhelming.
->You overgeneralize; if I fail at this then I fail at everything
->And you evaluate performance based on outcome & feedback of others instead of the process
9)Fear of success
->You won't be able to keep it up and people will expect more from you.
10)Fear of Dissaproval or criticism
->Any mistake will be met with harsh criticism & you will be rejected for being human or imperfect.
11)Coercion & Resentment
->You & other people "should","must" and "have to" you and this creates too intense pressure.
12)Low Frustration Tolerance
->Assume solving problems and goals to be reached quick & easily
13)Guilt & Self-blame
->Frozen in conviction you are bad or have let others done.
Mike
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Guest
Thanks NinjaFrodo, I was looking for a good book to read. I am working hard on the self talk, but it just seems exhausting sometimes. I finally got a spiral notebook to write down my negative thoughts, and the negative words from others. Until now I never realized not only how negative I am, but my family also. This is a really bad habit we all have to break.
ROADBLOCK79,
Hi there. I don't have any better advice than the other posts, I just want to encourage you not to give up. Take as much time as you need; there is no time limit to healing. We each progress at our own pace.
Please keep us informed of your progress or even if you don't drive let us know what your thinking and feeling. Sharing is caring and just maybe someone can help.
Hi there. I don't have any better advice than the other posts, I just want to encourage you not to give up. Take as much time as you need; there is no time limit to healing. We each progress at our own pace.
Please keep us informed of your progress or even if you don't drive let us know what your thinking and feeling. Sharing is caring and just maybe someone can help.
ANGELS CAN FLY BECAUSE THEY TAKE THEMSELVES LIGHTLY