Only to start the process again with another poor girl. I finally found the woman I always wanted. Personality, appearance, intelligence, values - everything is dead on. I decided to ask her to marry me and as soon as she said yes my world came crashing. It's been two months and all I can think of is "what did I just do??" My compulsive negative thinking has gotten the best of me and I can't stop wondering if I've made a mistake. I need help because all I want to do is run.Terrified about getting married!
I am a classic commitment phobic 31 year old male. Basically a woman's worst nightmare. Charming, attractive, financially secure - and I have always loved the chase and once the honeymoon ends I stick around for a couple of years and the bail since the grass is always greener Only to start the process again with another poor girl. I finally found the woman I always wanted. Personality, appearance, intelligence, values - everything is dead on. I decided to ask her to marry me and as soon as she said yes my world came crashing. It's been two months and all I can think of is "what did I just do??" My compulsive negative thinking has gotten the best of me and I can't stop wondering if I've made a mistake. I need help because all I want to do is run.
Only to start the process again with another poor girl. I finally found the woman I always wanted. Personality, appearance, intelligence, values - everything is dead on. I decided to ask her to marry me and as soon as she said yes my world came crashing. It's been two months and all I can think of is "what did I just do??" My compulsive negative thinking has gotten the best of me and I can't stop wondering if I've made a mistake. I need help because all I want to do is run.-
Guest
The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. So if you know yourself to be "a woman's worst nightmare" then you KNOW that at this point in your life you are NOT marriage material. So, don't marry her (or anyone) unless and until you have gotten professional help with whatever issues make you the way you are. So don't do it to her, don't put that ring on her finger, because you'll end up ruining her life and the life of any kids you may have together. Fix yourself FIRST and then think about getting married.
As a sidenote, the grass does always look greener on the other side but it never is. Even more than that, if you'd take the time and make the effort to take care of your own grass, you'd have the best lawn in the neighbourhood.
Seriously, take it from someone who's been married and divorced twice - whatever unresolved issues you bring into a marriage only get that much worse after the wedding. So again, fix yourself first. Don't bring anyone into your mess because it's not fair to them... or to you.
Someone will inevitably respond to this thread with "if you love her you'll change" or "she can love you through this and change you" - BULL. Love alone is never enough to make any relationship work, let alone a marriage. So like I said, fix yourself FIRST.
Good luck.
As a sidenote, the grass does always look greener on the other side but it never is. Even more than that, if you'd take the time and make the effort to take care of your own grass, you'd have the best lawn in the neighbourhood.
Seriously, take it from someone who's been married and divorced twice - whatever unresolved issues you bring into a marriage only get that much worse after the wedding. So again, fix yourself first. Don't bring anyone into your mess because it's not fair to them... or to you.
Someone will inevitably respond to this thread with "if you love her you'll change" or "she can love you through this and change you" - BULL. Love alone is never enough to make any relationship work, let alone a marriage. So like I said, fix yourself FIRST.
Good luck.
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Guest
I should also inform you that I suffer from severe general anxiety disorder. Not just about relationships but health, work and life. I have regular panic attacks and it's as if my brain is only looking for something to create more drama. I am seeking professional help currently and trying to work through this without giving up on the engagement.
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Guest
Good. If you're getting professional help (you didn't say that in your original post) then there's no reason to give up on the engagement. I really hope it all works out and that you do make the necessary changes so that you can be happily married to this woman and completely free of debilitating anxiety.
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Guest
HMA how are your parents? Together? Divorced? How did they get along during your childhood? I have a feeling if you grew up with an example of a happy and fulfilled marriage you might not be going through this.
It's important to be upfront with your girl about your feelings. The worst thing in the world would be for you to run away and leave her confused and hurt. If you feel she's the one for you, you just need to figure out a way to get over your panic and uncertainty and just look at it as that, not that you don't want to marry her.
It's important to be upfront with your girl about your feelings. The worst thing in the world would be for you to run away and leave her confused and hurt. If you feel she's the one for you, you just need to figure out a way to get over your panic and uncertainty and just look at it as that, not that you don't want to marry her.
My parents are together. They fought a lot growing up and have had their ups and downs but work through it and enjoy their marriage. Divorce and infidelity is rampant in my extended family, however. I also tend to set such a high standard for how I should "feel" that I am afraid no woman can live up to it. All of my closest friends and family have confirmed that of all the women I have dated (and it's a lot) this is by far THE one best suited for me and I agree. But my wandering eye and wondering brain won't give up trying to sabotage it. I guess I imagined this perfect, constant euphoria when I found "the one" that has proved ever elusive.