Struggling! Need reassurance

mallorygodisgood · Post by **mallorygodisgood** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:19 am

Hello!!! My name is Mallory. I need some advice some from people who are going thru the same things that I am!! Lately, I have been struggling with horrible thoughts about going crazy. I am constantly afraid that I have some underlying mental illness that will cause me to lose my mind. Mainly...schizophrenia. I have been to see a therpist and he says that I am 100 percent normal person who is struggling with anxiety and OCD tendencies. I do not have the rituals...just pure O. I dont hallucinate, I am not delusional...but the fear of either of those things happening terrifies me!! I am so afraid that I will see something that is not there, or hear something. I know that you cant just "get" a mental illness...and I know it is gradual and happens over time. In my mind, I just wonder, what if this is my mentall illness beginning? What if it isnt really anxiety?? And the thought of that just terrifies me!!! I am sure that this is anxiety because I go thru different stages. One day I am afriad of something completely different. It is just so hard dealing with this stuff on a daily basis! Although I will say I am doing better than I was when all this started about 6 months ago. At that point, I wasnt eating sleeping..or anything. Now I am leading a normal life, hanging out with friends and my husband...and just living. I do still struggle..and today has been a bad day. I need some encouragement from some people who know how this feels. Its almost like I am afraid that me being so afraid will cause it to happen. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I am 20 years old, a college student, married for a year and a half..I had a wonderful childhood...my parents are still married and I am very very close to them. Growing up, I was very normal in school and grade wise. I am also a christian and struggle with the horrible blasphemous thoughts sometimes too. Although, I have learned that Jesus knows where I stand and he looks at the heart, not the mind. If he looked at the mind everyone would be doomed! Does anyone else struggle with this fear of a horrible mentall illness? Tell me please that I am not losing it and I will not "become" schizo or something of that nature!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:52 am

Hi Mallory,

Please try to calm down. I would like to direct you to this thread post:

http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...=238107401#238107401

Within that post, are some other links that I think may be of help to you. You are intelligent and are capable of applying these simple techniques. Once you obtain some degree of understanding about yourself, proceed to go through the sessions in the program and the workbook.

You will be amazed at how capable you are. You made a big step toward a path to recovery, by coming here and following through and visiting the forum. You will get help and you will get better.

In the mean time, try to relax, and try to take in the beauty and wonder of all that life has to give you. It is not always going to be bad, and not always going to be beautiful, but you will miss out on all the beauty that life has to offer, if you try to life life outside the moment.

Best wishes on the work toward your recovery, and know that there are many loving and caring people here that will give you help, support and encouragement.

Make it a great day; Don't Worry, be happy!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:13 am

Hi mallory....I do suffer from not only clinical depression, OCD, anxiety but I also have bi-polar. I can only tell u to remind yourself of how lucky u are for NOT having any mental illness. I constently feel like I'm a prisoner in my own body.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:42 am

Nursemom- I do not have a mental illness but I can relate to the prisoner feeling. I do believe that you are a strong person though and you want the best for your life (from talking in chat) and I do believe you will come thru this!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 4:06 pm

Mallory...You will NOT become a schizophrenic from anxiety or panic attacks...That is just impossible. I had panic attacks for 21 years of my life, and I never once developed "schizophrenia" and neither will you....

Mallory...You are "obsessing" over things that will never happen. Please try and live in the present moment, and make the most of your moments....You will be fine...God Bless...