Childhood sexual abuse
I have never in my life really asked for help, certain things happened to me when I was a child that have been repressed but not forgotten, and keep surfacing. I just can't believe. I keep trying to function but I just want to hide. I know I have so much more to give, but I'm feeling stuck in this pain. Can anyone relate? I'm so worried about even posting because you all will think I'm stupid. Needless to say, I've had a bad day.
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Guest
Sandra- No one will ever think you are stupid. I wish I could help you, I wish everyone on this forum could just hold each other and help each other but I hope my words can sooth you. I will never know what you went through, but I understand repressed feelings and the need to hide. I have repressed guilt from my dad's suicide last year and I can't function even a year later. I am stuck in a nightmare right now, I can't calm down all day. I also had something bad happen to me that will probably stay repressed and bother me, but I will try to perserve. Don't worry about posting, getting those feelings out is so therapeutic. We are here for you!!! 
Girls; I often think, why are we so disgraced, so ashamed, by something that happend when we were so young, a time in our lives when others were supposed to protect us, a time when we truly were not responsible. It was and is a crime. and statisticly 1 out of 3 of us has been molested in our lives. Yet our society, somehow keeps it in the closet, even in this day and age when closets are oppeing everywear.
I know Lucinda tells us don't should on ourselves, or others, but I just want to say We should not feel shame, or guilt over a crime committed agains us.
wear does this guilt come from? I think those who do it put this on us, at such a young age, it become a part of us. that part we burried alive, and it will never dye. that is why it is so important to dig it up, Forgive it, and move on. probably the most difficult thing I have ever done, and am still doing to some extent, I need go ever deeper, untill I find all the peaces, I find journaling is the most help in doing that digging. Things I had forgoten come up when I am working the questions, and digging in to the why I feel like I do.
Like an archioligist. uncovering the mystrys of my ancient civilazation. and the parts that weren't so civilized. I once read that as we get older, it becomes more amd more necessary to become hole again. In that; as we grow up as children, our environment, shapes us in to what ever culture we are born in to. each time we are told no, or afermed in some way that our behavior is not accepted, that part of is broken off, and burried inside. kind of like multiple personalities. but as we gorw older those parts of us that have been left undeveloped, keep wanting to come out and be accepted, we miss them. It is that acceptence that is so necessary, to be howle. and offten we must forgive those who hurt us, and we must forgive ourselves, for being (stupid) enough to allow someone to reject even a part of us, and loose that peice of our sole, that wasn't acceptable to who ever it was. Parents, teachers, friends, society at large.
I certainly don't blame people, too offten they were victems of the same treatment. I do think there is something in us that wants to stop that generational curse, and not do it to another child, I think that may be waht starts this anxiety to retrieve that little girl that is still crying, and was never alowed to tell, or to talk about it. We must dig her up, and let her talk, let her live through it and not burry it, for when you burry a problem it festers in to bitterness, and resentment, and makes us perpetual victems forever. I think that something is a longing for that part of us that was perhaps the part that has the joy we seem no longer to be able to find in our lives, to find her, and set her free to laugh, and love again. but to do that we must slay the dragons of hatred, bitterness, and resentment, that has growen up in her place. Forgiveing those who hurt us, is the only way we can set her free again. Forgiveness is the key to happyness, admiting the inperfections of people, and accepting the responsibility we now have to get past all the paine to gain our Joy! again, is worth all the work, not doing it keeps us victomes, keeps us sick & tired. "it is not what happens in our lives that makes us who we are it is how we respond to what happens in our lives that makes us who we are". I can't remember who said that but he is famious for it. As my grandfather told me "it doesn't matter what kind of a barn you grew up in, you do not have to be a Jack @ss all your life". now that we are responsible for our one lives we can decide to be happy, decide to be positive, decide to let those who hurt us goooo. affter all they arent the ones suffering for it we are, we have put outselves in prison, for what others have done to us. There, that is the (stupid thing, we all do). that we are still letting those old crimes affect us yet today.
sandra L. and Scarlett545, thank you for posting this, I have been posting on the General,today,a gal that wants to "Suggest a forum" People of Color, and Marriage, both inmaterial to this one. This one is as universal as any forum in Stress Center. We are all hurting from this, like cancer it is something that toutches all of our lves. we all know someone who has been abused, and offten it is us.
I know Lucinda tells us don't should on ourselves, or others, but I just want to say We should not feel shame, or guilt over a crime committed agains us.
wear does this guilt come from? I think those who do it put this on us, at such a young age, it become a part of us. that part we burried alive, and it will never dye. that is why it is so important to dig it up, Forgive it, and move on. probably the most difficult thing I have ever done, and am still doing to some extent, I need go ever deeper, untill I find all the peaces, I find journaling is the most help in doing that digging. Things I had forgoten come up when I am working the questions, and digging in to the why I feel like I do.
Like an archioligist. uncovering the mystrys of my ancient civilazation. and the parts that weren't so civilized. I once read that as we get older, it becomes more amd more necessary to become hole again. In that; as we grow up as children, our environment, shapes us in to what ever culture we are born in to. each time we are told no, or afermed in some way that our behavior is not accepted, that part of is broken off, and burried inside. kind of like multiple personalities. but as we gorw older those parts of us that have been left undeveloped, keep wanting to come out and be accepted, we miss them. It is that acceptence that is so necessary, to be howle. and offten we must forgive those who hurt us, and we must forgive ourselves, for being (stupid) enough to allow someone to reject even a part of us, and loose that peice of our sole, that wasn't acceptable to who ever it was. Parents, teachers, friends, society at large.
I certainly don't blame people, too offten they were victems of the same treatment. I do think there is something in us that wants to stop that generational curse, and not do it to another child, I think that may be waht starts this anxiety to retrieve that little girl that is still crying, and was never alowed to tell, or to talk about it. We must dig her up, and let her talk, let her live through it and not burry it, for when you burry a problem it festers in to bitterness, and resentment, and makes us perpetual victems forever. I think that something is a longing for that part of us that was perhaps the part that has the joy we seem no longer to be able to find in our lives, to find her, and set her free to laugh, and love again. but to do that we must slay the dragons of hatred, bitterness, and resentment, that has growen up in her place. Forgiveing those who hurt us, is the only way we can set her free again. Forgiveness is the key to happyness, admiting the inperfections of people, and accepting the responsibility we now have to get past all the paine to gain our Joy! again, is worth all the work, not doing it keeps us victomes, keeps us sick & tired. "it is not what happens in our lives that makes us who we are it is how we respond to what happens in our lives that makes us who we are". I can't remember who said that but he is famious for it. As my grandfather told me "it doesn't matter what kind of a barn you grew up in, you do not have to be a Jack @ss all your life". now that we are responsible for our one lives we can decide to be happy, decide to be positive, decide to let those who hurt us goooo. affter all they arent the ones suffering for it we are, we have put outselves in prison, for what others have done to us. There, that is the (stupid thing, we all do). that we are still letting those old crimes affect us yet today.
sandra L. and Scarlett545, thank you for posting this, I have been posting on the General,today,a gal that wants to "Suggest a forum" People of Color, and Marriage, both inmaterial to this one. This one is as universal as any forum in Stress Center. We are all hurting from this, like cancer it is something that toutches all of our lves. we all know someone who has been abused, and offten it is us.
All for His praise, glory and the joy it gives Him.
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
-
Guest
Wow....Cheri that was a nice post. I was raped when I was 13 and repressed the memory and did it very well. I am 36 and I can say it came to me in dreams less than 5 times. I can recall a therapist who made me write about the incident and to write about my feelings. It was very very hard to do and I cried all the way through it and it was supposed to help me heal but I rather have not done that because it really did not solve a thing. I still hate the person and would rather leave it deep in my subconscious. I can talk about it now and am quite emotionless and I am having to face the issue again because we are adopting a little girl and in our classes we had to talk about sexual abuse and on that day I had to leave the room because I just could not go there. During our homestudy meeting I had to talk about it and my feelings and how I would deal with it if my child was abused. After it all I decided that I could not have a child who had been sexually abused. There is still pain and anger that I repressed and I just cannot handle a child having been through that. The stories I heard in class from foster parents of sexually abused children just shook me to the core. I cannot handle it. Yes our young daughter may have been abused and it may come out years later but I am also 1 of the best persons that can help her when it surfaces. You know what? I remember when I was out with co workers, 2 females and I don't know how we broached the subject but they were both raped and I realized how common it is among women of all races and ages. It is our little secret and it is still going on. One was date raped and the other I forgot. I did not share my story not because I was ashamed but I still felt it was no ones business and they were co workers. It just shook me that half of my friends had been date raped and how many more women had it happened to that keep it silent?
I hope you heal in time and take your time and let the feeling roller coaster go just hang in there and we are here for you.
I hope you heal in time and take your time and let the feeling roller coaster go just hang in there and we are here for you.
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Guest
Dear Sandra:
First, I would like to tell you "don't ever think you are stupid" for posting what you did. What happened to you is real, hurtful & painful. I think you are quite courageous for reaching out. You see, ADMITTING IT ALL "DID" HAPPEN - is the 1st step towards HEALING.
Everyone's path & journey in life is different. Some facts of some folks lives can be quite honestly SHOCKING to the person listening & reading its details who had never experienced such TRAUMA b/4.
I am 39 yrs old(lol, just turned 39 - next yr, I am going back to 21 for a few yrs, lol - just joking & making you smile). I would like to share a few details of my background to HELP YOU:
- my biological family is the epitamy of a dysfunctional family, unfortunately so. My father left when I was 5 yrs old, never to be seen again. My mother, w/ no real family herself, was left w/ 3 children she just couldn't manage or take care of. She lacked that "motherly instinct" inherent in most mothers. I was often left to "fend for myself" many times.
- When I was 6 yrs old, I was abandoned. It was a winter snowy nite, 8:30pm to be precise. My mother was no where around. The neighborhood GRANDFATHER took me in for the night. He returned me in the morning, for my mother to say "oh, ok". When she saw he was willing to "watch me" , this man began raising me - w/ her keeping the welfare $'s. I WAS MANY TIMES, TAKEN BACK to be her CINDERELLA: do this or ELSE, he paid $'s to see me - only to make sure I was alright.
- I don't have enough space here to describe all she had done to me. However, I can say, BETWEEN "A-Z" - YOU NAME IT, I WAS ABUSED(mentally, emotionally, & physically).
- Because I was left alone so much of the time, outside by myself, I was a perverts dream(not glorifying it at all). I was molested by: 2 members of my immediate family several times - thru out a few yrs(b/w 6&12 yrs old), I was molested by the superintendant of both my mother's apt building & my grandmother's apt building, & I was molested by the older gentleman who owned the bakery around the corner fr our house - I even remember his name - FRANK .
- It may sound shocking to read this to many - I mean no disrepect. I don't mean to GLORIFY anything I type here. What happened to me was very cumulative+tragic+traumatic. It was not some book or movie - it was real - it was my life. Even since I was that little 5 yr old girl, my goal was not to THINK & FEEL, but rather to LIVE & SURVIVE. So, I pushed all these events dwn - I surpressed them. I was on my own while still in highschool, w/ no help or support fr any family. Again, I did what I could to LIVE & SURVIVE. Yes, I made great strides & prob defied many odds: graduated h.s., got my own apt, worked full time, graduated college w/ a 3.9 G.P.A.. However, all the events & their emotional toll on me, just kept building up & up & up. I had been so busy LIVING IT, that I never once stopped to think of the EFFECTS OF THESE EVENTS HAD ON ME, EMOTIONALLY.
- I was there for both WTC TRAGEDIES: the 1993 bombing of the WTC, I worked in 2 WTC, 81st flr. Then, on 9/11 - although no longer working there, I was on a train, in the tunnel of WTC, when the 1st plane hit. I don't have words for that event on me other than to say, I was SHOCKED/NUMBED. The emotional toll of that day just piled on what was already suppressed.
- In Mar-2005, I had surgery for the 1st time. I was coming out of anesthesia, w/ the tube still in my throat. I couldn't see or hear anything. All I knew, right then & there, was I was gagging & couldn't breath - I thought I was dying. W/in 3 days of coming home fr the hospital, I had FULL BLOWN GAD & PANIC ATTACKS. Not to any fault of my own, no quite contraire. You see, my CUP SPILLETH OVER. I had so much suppressed emotions/anger/fear/pain, that like a VOLCANO W/ ITS LAVA - it built up & up, till it exploded/erupted. My poor little emotional self had no more room for suppression.
I TOOK IMMEDIATE ACTION: I started therapy w/in 1 wk of anxiety symptoms & anxiety disorder triggering, w/ a psychiatrist.
As I mentioned, my instinct was always to LIVE & SURVIVE, not THINK & FEEL. In addition, prior to therapy, I never truly realized the IMPACT these previously mentioned events had on me. Once I started therapy & began to slowly & methodically address these events & HOW I FELT, I realized "I felt like I had been carrying a 100lb bag of rice on my shoulders all my life" - & it was heavy. That analogy is the exact 1 I gave my therapist. I also realized, I was not ME - THE WONDERFUL/KIND/BEAUTIFUL/LOVING WOMAN I KNOW I AM - NOW. Rather, having NOT resolved any of the emotions - I was the molested little girl, the abused little girl, the abandoned little girl = meaning, I was living in the past, every day. I was given a burden no child should ever have-the fear thinking IT WAS MY FAULT these events happened. I WAS INITIALLY DIAGNOSED W/: GAD + Panic attacks + PTSD: surgery, 9/11 & childhood.
I went through 20 mths of very intensive therapy, facing/addressing/feeling all these events. I had to face my PAST, b/4 I could face myself(w/ the help of this WONDERFUL StressCenter.com PROGRAM). That 20mths was the most painful thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. However, having done it, I can tell you SANDRA, I am free. I know w/o a doubt, IT WASN'T MY FAULT. I can tell you, w/ absolute pride: yes, my past experiences helped shape the woman I am now - it DOES NOT, however, define me. W/ the help of THERAPY - I was able to separate the events & the person I REALLY AM. I was able to heal. I was able to learn forgiveness & letting go. I learned, as RIGHT AS I WAS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME - I don't want to BE "RIGHT" ANYMORE, holding on to what happened to me like a trophy. Rather, I want PEACE/INNER PEACE.
SANDRA, if you are able, I would highly recommend therapy w/ a licensed professional. You will get the help you need - they will help you help yourself.
I wish you freedom fr those events, continued healing & recovery, & inner peace.
LENORE
First, I would like to tell you "don't ever think you are stupid" for posting what you did. What happened to you is real, hurtful & painful. I think you are quite courageous for reaching out. You see, ADMITTING IT ALL "DID" HAPPEN - is the 1st step towards HEALING.
Everyone's path & journey in life is different. Some facts of some folks lives can be quite honestly SHOCKING to the person listening & reading its details who had never experienced such TRAUMA b/4.
I am 39 yrs old(lol, just turned 39 - next yr, I am going back to 21 for a few yrs, lol - just joking & making you smile). I would like to share a few details of my background to HELP YOU:
- my biological family is the epitamy of a dysfunctional family, unfortunately so. My father left when I was 5 yrs old, never to be seen again. My mother, w/ no real family herself, was left w/ 3 children she just couldn't manage or take care of. She lacked that "motherly instinct" inherent in most mothers. I was often left to "fend for myself" many times.
- When I was 6 yrs old, I was abandoned. It was a winter snowy nite, 8:30pm to be precise. My mother was no where around. The neighborhood GRANDFATHER took me in for the night. He returned me in the morning, for my mother to say "oh, ok". When she saw he was willing to "watch me" , this man began raising me - w/ her keeping the welfare $'s. I WAS MANY TIMES, TAKEN BACK to be her CINDERELLA: do this or ELSE, he paid $'s to see me - only to make sure I was alright.
- I don't have enough space here to describe all she had done to me. However, I can say, BETWEEN "A-Z" - YOU NAME IT, I WAS ABUSED(mentally, emotionally, & physically).
- Because I was left alone so much of the time, outside by myself, I was a perverts dream(not glorifying it at all). I was molested by: 2 members of my immediate family several times - thru out a few yrs(b/w 6&12 yrs old), I was molested by the superintendant of both my mother's apt building & my grandmother's apt building, & I was molested by the older gentleman who owned the bakery around the corner fr our house - I even remember his name - FRANK .
- It may sound shocking to read this to many - I mean no disrepect. I don't mean to GLORIFY anything I type here. What happened to me was very cumulative+tragic+traumatic. It was not some book or movie - it was real - it was my life. Even since I was that little 5 yr old girl, my goal was not to THINK & FEEL, but rather to LIVE & SURVIVE. So, I pushed all these events dwn - I surpressed them. I was on my own while still in highschool, w/ no help or support fr any family. Again, I did what I could to LIVE & SURVIVE. Yes, I made great strides & prob defied many odds: graduated h.s., got my own apt, worked full time, graduated college w/ a 3.9 G.P.A.. However, all the events & their emotional toll on me, just kept building up & up & up. I had been so busy LIVING IT, that I never once stopped to think of the EFFECTS OF THESE EVENTS HAD ON ME, EMOTIONALLY.
- I was there for both WTC TRAGEDIES: the 1993 bombing of the WTC, I worked in 2 WTC, 81st flr. Then, on 9/11 - although no longer working there, I was on a train, in the tunnel of WTC, when the 1st plane hit. I don't have words for that event on me other than to say, I was SHOCKED/NUMBED. The emotional toll of that day just piled on what was already suppressed.
- In Mar-2005, I had surgery for the 1st time. I was coming out of anesthesia, w/ the tube still in my throat. I couldn't see or hear anything. All I knew, right then & there, was I was gagging & couldn't breath - I thought I was dying. W/in 3 days of coming home fr the hospital, I had FULL BLOWN GAD & PANIC ATTACKS. Not to any fault of my own, no quite contraire. You see, my CUP SPILLETH OVER. I had so much suppressed emotions/anger/fear/pain, that like a VOLCANO W/ ITS LAVA - it built up & up, till it exploded/erupted. My poor little emotional self had no more room for suppression.
I TOOK IMMEDIATE ACTION: I started therapy w/in 1 wk of anxiety symptoms & anxiety disorder triggering, w/ a psychiatrist.
As I mentioned, my instinct was always to LIVE & SURVIVE, not THINK & FEEL. In addition, prior to therapy, I never truly realized the IMPACT these previously mentioned events had on me. Once I started therapy & began to slowly & methodically address these events & HOW I FELT, I realized "I felt like I had been carrying a 100lb bag of rice on my shoulders all my life" - & it was heavy. That analogy is the exact 1 I gave my therapist. I also realized, I was not ME - THE WONDERFUL/KIND/BEAUTIFUL/LOVING WOMAN I KNOW I AM - NOW. Rather, having NOT resolved any of the emotions - I was the molested little girl, the abused little girl, the abandoned little girl = meaning, I was living in the past, every day. I was given a burden no child should ever have-the fear thinking IT WAS MY FAULT these events happened. I WAS INITIALLY DIAGNOSED W/: GAD + Panic attacks + PTSD: surgery, 9/11 & childhood.
I went through 20 mths of very intensive therapy, facing/addressing/feeling all these events. I had to face my PAST, b/4 I could face myself(w/ the help of this WONDERFUL StressCenter.com PROGRAM). That 20mths was the most painful thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. However, having done it, I can tell you SANDRA, I am free. I know w/o a doubt, IT WASN'T MY FAULT. I can tell you, w/ absolute pride: yes, my past experiences helped shape the woman I am now - it DOES NOT, however, define me. W/ the help of THERAPY - I was able to separate the events & the person I REALLY AM. I was able to heal. I was able to learn forgiveness & letting go. I learned, as RIGHT AS I WAS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME - I don't want to BE "RIGHT" ANYMORE, holding on to what happened to me like a trophy. Rather, I want PEACE/INNER PEACE.
SANDRA, if you are able, I would highly recommend therapy w/ a licensed professional. You will get the help you need - they will help you help yourself.
I wish you freedom fr those events, continued healing & recovery, & inner peace.
LENORE
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Guest
Kumiko; could you help her to forgive, and live, a happy healthy life on the otherside, of the trama, I suppose it is a PTSD. I love how they are trying so hard this war to help the returning troops, our generation, came home to hatred from the country they fought to preserve. So they are not going to let that happen again. My Dad had PTSD, and my husband, war is hell, and they all come home scared inside, they go on. some eaiser than others.
Yes I think we suffer from Post Trematic Stress Disorder, I know my husband did for 40 years. it would be eaiser if I could remember it all, the parts I can't remember bother me, I have forgiven the parts I can remember. a phyce nurse told me offten your mind hides things from you when you are not ready to accept it. perhaps that is why, it realy doesn't surfface untill you get older. It is a puzle
Thank you Kumiko for your encouragement.
Yes I think we suffer from Post Trematic Stress Disorder, I know my husband did for 40 years. it would be eaiser if I could remember it all, the parts I can't remember bother me, I have forgiven the parts I can remember. a phyce nurse told me offten your mind hides things from you when you are not ready to accept it. perhaps that is why, it realy doesn't surfface untill you get older. It is a puzle
Thank you Kumiko for your encouragement.
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Guest
Lenore,
Your story is one of hope and strength. Thank you for sharing it. I also was sexually abused as a child (7 years old) and I have buried it many times just for it to resurface at the most inconvenient times. I find it hard to "warm" up to men, especially those who take an interest in my 7 year old daughter. For example, there's a "grandfatherly" gentleman at our church who likes to give hugs to all the children. He recently added my daughter and 2 year old son to his "hugging list". Even though he hugs them in plain sight, I get this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. On one hand, I'm on guard, watching and waiting for any inappropriateness, and on the other hand, I feel guilty for not giving this man the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he genuinely likes kids but after my experience as a child, I think I can pick the pedophiles out of a haystack! Maybe that's why I'm so on guard with this guy. I don't know. I'm glad you have found some degree of healing.
Sandra, I agree with Lenore. A therapist can help you sort out these feelings. I'm 31 years old and I'm finally talking about the abuse I endured 24 years ago. It's too painful to handle on your own. Good luck to you, hun.
Your story is one of hope and strength. Thank you for sharing it. I also was sexually abused as a child (7 years old) and I have buried it many times just for it to resurface at the most inconvenient times. I find it hard to "warm" up to men, especially those who take an interest in my 7 year old daughter. For example, there's a "grandfatherly" gentleman at our church who likes to give hugs to all the children. He recently added my daughter and 2 year old son to his "hugging list". Even though he hugs them in plain sight, I get this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. On one hand, I'm on guard, watching and waiting for any inappropriateness, and on the other hand, I feel guilty for not giving this man the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he genuinely likes kids but after my experience as a child, I think I can pick the pedophiles out of a haystack! Maybe that's why I'm so on guard with this guy. I don't know. I'm glad you have found some degree of healing.
Sandra, I agree with Lenore. A therapist can help you sort out these feelings. I'm 31 years old and I'm finally talking about the abuse I endured 24 years ago. It's too painful to handle on your own. Good luck to you, hun.
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Guest
Lessons on Life
There was an Indian Chief who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in
summer, and the youngest son in the fall.
When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe
what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so
sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with
fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they
had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season,
& that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the
beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.
Moral:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Live Simply.
Love Generously.
Care Deeply.
Speak Kindly.
Leave the Rest to God.
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going!
We can't change the past but we can determine to make our future bloom.
There was an Indian Chief who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.
The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in
summer, and the youngest son in the fall.
When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe
what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so
sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with
fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they
had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season,
& that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.
If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the
beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.
Moral:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Live Simply.
Love Generously.
Care Deeply.
Speak Kindly.
Leave the Rest to God.
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going!
We can't change the past but we can determine to make our future bloom.
-
Guest
Sandra, you're not alone in this - and you're not stupid for posting about it. You're very brave to admit it. I was sexually abused as a child too, so I can definitely relate.
It IS difficult to talk about, but it's made easier on a board where there's a certain amount of anonymity.
I firmly believe that anxiety disorder is caused by SOMETHING - it just doesn't come out of the blue for no reason. Something has to trigger it. I think childhood sexual abuse is a good "something" to trigger this, don't you? So you DO have to talk about it so that you can stop feeling ashamed and start to learn that it wasn't your fault - you did nothing wrong.
It IS difficult to talk about, but it's made easier on a board where there's a certain amount of anonymity.
I firmly believe that anxiety disorder is caused by SOMETHING - it just doesn't come out of the blue for no reason. Something has to trigger it. I think childhood sexual abuse is a good "something" to trigger this, don't you? So you DO have to talk about it so that you can stop feeling ashamed and start to learn that it wasn't your fault - you did nothing wrong.
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Guest
Hi Cheri,
I just wanted to say thank you for posting that. I keep thinking after all I've been through and knowing how many of my own symptoms have come up because of abuse, how many more people who buy these CDs must have also been abused and be having these symptoms because of it. Of course that doesn't mean everyone who has anxiety by any means has been sexually or in any way abused. It just means that how much more do these symptoms make sense for those of us who went through absolute panick and weren't ever able to process it very well. Lenore made another wonderful post on here I hope you can read, just type in "sexual abuse" in the topic search.
She also made the important suggestion of seeking psychological help. I've been to several counsellors but too afraid to really bring up the abuse. The method I'm trying now is EMDR which for me is very unobtrusive. Also you might find several books healing "The Courage to heal" is a good one, and Connie Brewers Christians healing from Childhood Sexual abuse lets you know you are not alone.
Also, CFe, thanks for that great metaphor.
PRS.
I just wanted to say thank you for posting that. I keep thinking after all I've been through and knowing how many of my own symptoms have come up because of abuse, how many more people who buy these CDs must have also been abused and be having these symptoms because of it. Of course that doesn't mean everyone who has anxiety by any means has been sexually or in any way abused. It just means that how much more do these symptoms make sense for those of us who went through absolute panick and weren't ever able to process it very well. Lenore made another wonderful post on here I hope you can read, just type in "sexual abuse" in the topic search.
She also made the important suggestion of seeking psychological help. I've been to several counsellors but too afraid to really bring up the abuse. The method I'm trying now is EMDR which for me is very unobtrusive. Also you might find several books healing "The Courage to heal" is a good one, and Connie Brewers Christians healing from Childhood Sexual abuse lets you know you are not alone.
Also, CFe, thanks for that great metaphor.
PRS.