Lack of support from family/friends

dontpanic · Post by **dontpanic** » Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:28 pm

Hi everyone,
I have been telling more people (relatives and close friends) about my depression and anxiety and about the program. I'm not really sure why - if it was simply to be more open about it because I cannot hide it anymore, or if I just want people to know who I really am and why I act the way I do sometimes, or because I want more people to know so that hopefully they will be concerned and I will be more likely to stick with the program. Whatever the reason, I'm finding that a majority of the people I've told have responded in less than ideal ways. I just started week 4 so I know my expectations might be too high, but I'm wondering if I need to be so open. Some people have no idea how to respond or simply stopped talking to me and some have gone over the top with wanting to "fix" me. It's actually made things a lot harder for me. I feel like I might be better off going thru the program (and the depression/anxiety) without their knowledge or help. I'm sure a lot of you have found that most people who do not have depression/anxiety have no idea what we go thru everyday. I just figured being open and honest would have helped rather than hurt me.
Any thoughts or opinions would be greatly appreciated. At least I know that I can always come to the forum for some truth and understanding. Thanks to all who put in their time, kindness and thoughts on this site!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 25, 2009 12:12 am

Hi there!
I suppose the reactions of family and friends varies. Depending on the family.
But I found it just as you say in my family.

My family of origin were not only not supportive but in some situations would use it against a person. I learned this very early on.
And to this day, some of them will act in ways that let you know that they feel superior to the person who has had depression-anxiety.
And then there are those who will still tell you to yank yourself up by the bootstraps.

So, with my family, I know would be better to
not share these things with them.
But once you've done it, you can practive this program to cope with their attitudes.
This forum is, indeed, a blessing! Here you can find complete understanding.
MJ

*Francesca* · Post by ***Francesca*** » Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:10 am

I didn't tell my husband I was having panic attacks until they got really bad. He has a hard time being supportive because he doesn't ever feel panic...he's very relaxed and easy going all the time and never gets nervous! He gets very uncomfortable when I talk about the attacks or the program. At first I was frustrated because I wanted him to talk to me about it more often but now I don't get so upset. He just doesn't understand...and that's not his fault. If I do need to talk about it, I will bring it up while we're washing dishes together or while we're driving in the car. People seem to be more relaxed while talking about things that make them uncomfortable if they don't have to sit right in front of you, staring you right in the eye. Remember, it's how YOU react to the situation that directs your feelings.

Bernadette Orosco · Post by **Bernadette Orosco** » Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:35 am

Originally posted by Cornflower:
Hi there!
I suppose the reactions of family and friends varies. Depending on the family.
But I found it just as you say in my family.

My family of origin were not only not supportive but in some situations would use it against a person. I learned this very early on.
And to this day, some of them will act in ways that let you know that they feel superior to the person who has had depression-anxiety.
And then there are those who will still tell you to yank yourself up by the bootstraps.

So, with my family, I know would be better to
not share these things with them.
But once you've done it, you can practive this program to cope with their attitudes.
This forum is, indeed, a blessing! Here you can find complete understanding.
MJ

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:41 am

I think that I know how you feel. In the past,when I have attempted to share various experiences with family and friends, I feel that I have been met with skepticism.
People who are not familiar with this program may not find much validity in it as it may not be in the mainstream of what they are familiar with.
I applaud you and myself and others for finding this program.
What was considered acceptable to the mainstream was not working for me. I have hope in this program. Which each day I see new confidence and strength.
Remember that when the student is ready, the teacher will come. This is your teacher. Embrace it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 6:11 am

When I first started in the program, I told a few family members and friends. To my surprise, many of them turned it into a joke. I learned right then and there that it's not important to let everyone know about the panic and anxiety and depression. I wish I was more choosy about who I told. That's why message boards like this exist !

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 2:40 pm

Hey Don't Panic.. I've had all sorts of reactions from family and friends regarding my anxiety and depression. I had a friend that listened to a program about people with panic attacks and then felt that she could instruct me on how to overcome anxiety.. My family on the otherhand thinks I'm weak, not trying hard enough, the list goes on. My older sister has told me that this is all mental and I just need to get over it. She's also told me that she thinks my husband is stupid for staying with me through this and that her husband would never have.

The ignorance of friends and family hurts the most. The reality is that people that have not been in your situation will NOT understand. I'm completely with you in that I wish I would have been more selective about who I shared my struggle with panic/anxiety with. I can't take it back though, so going forward I'm selective about who I share updates on my condition with because I don't believe that everyone needs to know.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 4:09 pm

I have told my mother about the program. She is really the only one besides my husband. In the past my family havn't been real supportive. I think like someone else said...they don't understand because they havn't been there. Ignorance is another reason in my case. Like cornflower said...I was told to "pull myself up by the bootstraps" too. I have been hurt too by what my siester has said in the past.
Their is a lady on one of the tapes that talks about having cancer and Lucinda says "will you tell everyone what you told me(regarding cancer). She said "it would have been easier to have gone thru the cancer because people accept that". When I heared that I was like...she read my mind!....I have said the exact same thing to my husband! Even now in 2009 you would think that things would have changed since that taping. All I can say is I know how you feel...don't give up! It will get better. I am also thankful that I have a place I can come to where people understand.

missgsr · Post by **missgsr** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:50 pm

I'm new to this forums. I don't have any support from any one at all. I tried telling people about my attacks and no one understands. And that makes me feel like they don't care. So just be careful of who you tell and hope you all have the support to get through. God bless you all!!!!

Providence · Post by **Providence** » Sat Mar 21, 2009 9:35 am

I understand all to well how you all feel. People are often afraid of what they don't understand. People ask how you are doing, but I believe that many only want to hear that you're doing okay. They don't know how to deal with it if you say otherwise. I only shared my problems with people that I thought I could trust -like family and friends. In many cases, the responses were not as I would have wished - such as awkward silences, changes in subject, or lectures about how you shouldn't think that way. It's hard when people trivialize something that is the farthest thing from trivial in your own eyes. Thankfully, I met someone who had something similar to what I had, who understood me, and didn't judge me as weird - like I believed that everyone else did. She is now my wife and continually gives me much needed support, as I do her.