Too scared to track thoughts

maria9201 · Post by **maria9201** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 8:44 am

I was really looking forward to this session--especially being that it's the roadmap to recovery, I really wanted to ace this session. I wonder if any of you have been through this or could give me some advice. Yesterday was the first day that i was tracking my thoughts and i was going skiing. I was really excited to go and THEN I decided to track my thoughts being in the car. I wish i didn't. I couldn't believe what was going on in my head!! Just being aware of what i was thinking made me have a panic attack. I tried to tell myself that i was just excited --that's it's just anxiety and to float with it but i was so scared. I was terrified of what was going on in my head. This isn't even the first time i've had a panic attack--but i was never so terrified of my thoughts as i was yesterday.
What really gets me is that the phrases i used to talk myself out of a panic attack --even the breathing --just didn't calm me down as it's done so beautifully before. It just kept getting worse and worse--till I eventually told my friend I was feeling nauseated and to pull over. Only after i stepped out of the car into an open space where i could escape for a little bit did i feel better. Something that i've noticed too,is that i feel these mix of emotions while i'm in a panic--then i feel like i have to go to the bathroom. It's pretty annoying to have to go to the bathroom when you're nowhere near one. But when im in a panic i have the urge to go. I prayed last night like I've never prayed before then it occurred to me to share this experience with the people in the program. Can anyone tell me how to get through this bc now im kind of hesitant to track my thoughts again--im worried about what's in there--I don't think i've ever had a panic attack like the one i just had tracking my thoughts.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 1:46 pm

I know in the beginning when I began tracking my thoughts, my anxiety and panic level was very high. I felt like I was getting a cramp in my hand because all I did was write. Sometimes, it felt like it was the same thing over and over. My mind was racing and the body sensations were so uncomfortable. At times I felt physically ill.

On tape 3 someone says "thoughts only thoughts". When I felt like I couldn't counter the thought I'd keep repeating it over and over.

It does get easier. Maybe start off with a couple of negative thoughts so you don't get overwhelmed with all the negativity.

Keep listening to the relaxation tape and the breathing will help you. Take care and God Bless.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 2:13 pm

Yes the breathing helps a lot. I found it also useful to write a few good words visualizing your beautiful world and reading them often or thinking about them while you are breathing.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 31, 2009 5:32 am

Maria9201

Let me ask you a few questions.

Is it reasonable to get more uncomfortable when doing something that you aren't completely used to?

And is it likely that you might feel uncomfortable when you realize a truth that is somewhat negative?

Maybe when you go to track your thoughts, maybe you should start when you're in a safe place when you're first starting. It is important to do this though because even though it is scary to do this what do you think will be more scarier? Would you be more scared to Stay there with the same intensity and frequency of negative thoughts and the rest of your life being like that? Or would it be more scary to work through it and the intensity and frequency of the thoughts decreasing over time?

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 31, 2009 7:04 am

Thank you ninja--you just made me realize that im going at an unbelievably fast pace. I really had to ask myself --what's the rush?--THOSE MOUNTAINS ARE STILL GOING TO BE THERE--RIGHT--that phrase puts everything in perspective kinda. Thanks so much--ur advice is very simple and effective. i told myself i didn't have to master it--i didn't have to write ALL of them down--my whole my brain feels so outta wack--but ur right --it is better to attack it now--go through the discomfort--it's like a means to an end. I hope i can do it---and stick with it--we'll see--wow i wonder what life is like without being so stirred up by all these scary thoughts---i bet im like super calm.

i notice that i even rush through the breathing--lol--so im gonna have to slow dowm in ALL ways--thanx for the tips guys-i really needed the help.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 31, 2009 7:54 am

easy does it it will get easier