I think I was born depressed.

bevann · Post by **bevann** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:30 am

I've suffered with depressed cince before I can remember. I felt neglected at home (being the middle of five kids and my parents fougt alot) and ridiculed at school (having had a speach problem til the third grade) and I didn't have any place where I could feel safe. At some point I developed anxiaty. I would have headaches and stomache aches a lot at school. I would have bouts of anger where I would cry/screem, bang my head on the wall, and scratch at myself (privately, in my bedroom). And whenever anyone ask what was wrong I would retreat into myself and not be able to speak. My dad would get upset when I couldn't talk to him and acted in a way that upset me more. I got some relief when I was thirteen and got my first dog. He was big and lovable, and he was tough enough to take my bouts of anger while not deserting me (I think he knew that I was really hurting). My anxiaty attacks began to come on during social situations (which includes public chat rooms). I've been able to basically tell what is causing my anxiaty, but I've just been dealing with it and seemed to be doing alright. When the rest of my siblings left home and I was alone with my parents for a few years we were able to develop a better relationship. Then I moved out on my own and seemed to be doing well enough, though I still had the depression and anxiaty I didn't let it dictate my life (well not much).

Anyway, what I'm writing about and why I'm here is because in Feb. '06 I went and got myself married to a great guy wom I love very much, but he is an incurable worrier, very concerned about what other people think of him/us, and is very sociable. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with how much he worries (which I didn't really do much of), and he doesn't understand why I act the way I do in social situations. I need him to be understanding and supportive of me, helping me to calm myself, but he gets worried about what other people think and wants to 'hide me away' when I have a panic attack. I was able to talk him into letting me try this program, he said people have been telling him I need help, but how do I deal with a husband who unintentionally hinders what I'm trying to do to help myself?

I've only just started week two and plan on doing the workbook session later today, but I do worry that the program won't address my root problem of a life of depression. The anxiaty attacks do bother me and interfere with what I'm trying to do at times, but I've lived with them a long time and have leared to deal with them. It's the constant weight of a basic depression that bothers me mostly. Does this program address what concerns me?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:30 am

I've suffered with depressed cince before I can remember. I felt neglected at home (being the middle of five kids and my parents fougt alot) and ridiculed at school (having had a speach problem til the third grade) and I didn't have any place where I could feel safe. At some point I developed anxiaty. I would have headaches and stomache aches a lot at school. I would have bouts of anger where I would cry/screem, bang my head on the wall, and scratch at myself (privately, in my bedroom). And whenever anyone ask what was wrong I would retreat into myself and not be able to speak. My dad would get upset when I couldn't talk to him and acted in a way that upset me more. I got some relief when I was thirteen and got my first dog. He was big and lovable, and he was tough enough to take my bouts of anger while not deserting me (I think he knew that I was really hurting). My anxiaty attacks began to come on during social situations (which includes public chat rooms). I've been able to basically tell what is causing my anxiaty, but I've just been dealing with it and seemed to be doing alright. When the rest of my siblings left home and I was alone with my parents for a few years we were able to develop a better relationship. Then I moved out on my own and seemed to be doing well enough, though I still had the depression and anxiaty I didn't let it dictate my life (well not much).

The above is an indicator you were not born depressed, but home life caused the depression and anxiety. That is good news. Psychological problems are "learned" which means you can unlearn the unhealthy thinking. So can hubby. The program focuses more on anxiety at first, but much of it is geared to depression also. It's based [program] on CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy which has been proven in clinical studies to be as effective as meds in treating emotional disorders. If you want links to some of these studies let me know.

Tape 3 will begin to address depression and the tapes following will also. After being on meds for 32 years I am now med free thanks to the program and exercise. Good luck and keep posting.

Chief Crazy Horse · Post by **Chief Crazy Horse** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:32 am

Hi Bevann,

Welcome to our little group. I'm a lot like you when you say I don't really suffer from anxiety it's mostly depression. Yes, this program will address our depression issues but it's important that we go though the steps of the cd's as they are presented to us. It's all part of the big picture. Keep the faith.

Sister

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:06 am

I read your post Bevann and can truly relate. I'm not sure when the depression really started but I, like you feel it is the root of my problems. I'm now 52 and have been in and out of theropy since I was 18. I've managed to dance in and out of 3 marriages, now on #3 and have been happily so for 15 years. I think because my husband made me feel soo loved I allowed myself to feel in a safe place to "let it all hang out". I'm not always sure that is such a good thing. I know and have for sometime that the only one who can fix me is me and hopefully not leave too much rubble in my wake. I've finally realized that you can run but you can't hide forever from yourself. I know that I don't like myself but have no clue why. Today is a day of change for our nation and the way as a nation will try to change the way we think as one. I've desided that today should start the process for my own personal change. People who do not feel inside like I do don't understand that you can't just snap out of it, God knows that if I could I would. My husband does show me patients but doesn't always understand the loneliness that I feel. I feel this program is my last hope and I've started the one on one coaching program. I have made the $ commitment this far so I'm going to go on the extra mile and talk with someone who can give me guidence and first hand knows what is going on inside. This may not be the answer for you but you might want to look into it and this might give your husband a break from him maybe thinking he has to do all the work.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:55 pm

I feel the same way bevann. I cant remember when I wasnt depressed. My growing up was horrible. I was neglected & ridiculed. It almost feels like its who we are. I know I no longer want to feel this way. Just know youre no alone. There are others like you out here.