Hello everybody! So its been an interesting couple of days (today and the last 2), where I've reached deeper levels of understanding, deeper beliefs that are deeply tied into my anxiety. These are patterns of thought that I've been practicing for about 18 years at least and I have to say it is really interesting how what other people say and do can affect us and become apart of our psyche.
I did mention in a recent post of the thought that began my anxiety...it was about thinking I was doing something appropriate by making fun of another girl and then realizing that it was wrong and not trusting myself after that....well I have since realized that not only do I have that thought but I also have the thought of, "What-if I stand up for myself and I devastate the other person and they end up going through the same thing as me, I can't do that to someone else"...I also realized that because of not standing up for myself the only other way I could protect myself is through hatred and so in my mind I would hate these people and it would cause me to distance myself from them and not get close to them...I can't continue to live with either of those things and now am working really hard to replace those thoughts whenever they come up.
One other thing is a thought that I picked up from my mother...When I didn't obey her or follow through on her expectations then she would say "then don't ever ask me for anything" and for the most part I didn't because I didn't believe I deserved it and since then I didn't believe I deserved help at all and why would people want to help me when I haven't done anything for them? And as a result I became afraid of asking for help, even asking for directions and even worse, phoning people who are renting places out when i'm needing to move which is what I'm going through now...it even became so hard that placing an order over the phone was difficult...My mother was not right in what she did, she did the best she could in order to get me to listen to her and her best was not very good at all since she didn't get learn alot of important stuff in her own messed up upbringing and because I didn't know anything about this kind of stuff I just took it as fact and my mind just further twisted it! My friend says its like people plant seeds in us and this was like a weed seed that i'm just now starting to uproot and get out of there.
Speaking of seeds, I think it is perfect to mention this here. If we are not thinking positive then I think we are thinking negative and so I think that is why it is important to add those positive seeds so we end up having a beautiful garden....positive people, positive relationships, positive activities, positive beliefs and positive thoughts. Just thought i'd throw that out there.
Oh and I just thought that I'd mention in one or more of David D Burns's books he mentions a way to counter thoughts and that is what he calls testing the belief out. The purpose of this is to find evidence against the thought and in turn you become released from that thought...what came to mind for me today was to do just that with collecting evidence and having an "Evidence book". In this book you'd collect evidence about how you were actually able to overcome an anxiety attack and face a limitation and feel good, or how you were able to be assertive and you felt better for it, or people do care because they are spending time with you or complimenting you or giving you presents or whatever....its just another tool you could use if you'd like.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk
This is another very powerful video...This is an amazing example of how its not just us who have irrational thoughts that don't reflect reality. The lady in this video even though she doesn't look like she fits into the idea of what a talented singer is doesn't mean that she isn't one. A majority if not everybody in that audience believed that she didn't have talent before she even started to sing and she proved them all wrong!!!!!! The biggest cognitive distortion going on there is Labeling....she didn't fit the label of a singer so people believed she wasn't capable of being one and yet people with the talent aren't always going to fall into the stereotype.
THH;
Yeah its true we can over think and make things alot more complicated...expectations and control!!! But for me, I'm still wanting to come up with something that helps me combine all that I've learned so that i'm using it on a regular basis so that i'm getting the most benefit out of what i'm doing. I actually just wrote out all the things that i'm doing (a couple were new things too) and wow the list is long but everything is so important and I want to make sure i'm doing the best job I can do.
I don't mean to criticize, just having fun...the only circumstance I can think of that would could make you a drug addict is if some pot heads or drug dealers wondered into your place and stayed there and pushed drugs onto you and because you find one of them really attractive and you don't want to hurt his feelings, you do it....lol
So like me, you don't have issues here with drugs and alcohol....I don't usually go to social gatherings but in those situations, I often use alcohol to enjoy myself and that could be something to work on but I don't go often and I have no intention of becoming an alcoholic or a drug addict, I don't feel good about taking drugs either perscription or recreational. But I am going to be taking some alternative herbal things that my chinese medicine doctor recommended for it and use that for the anxiety instead.
Mike
(on a side note, please do not mix your medication with alcohol)
