Empowering Group Program Run-through part 8

[Ninjafrodo2]

Alright so to start off I want to say that as for THH's request we will be staying on this lesson another week.

So I decided to start working on the small limitations like I had mentioned in my last post and I've finally come up with a method that I'm satisfied with in order to do it that I want to share with you guys but before that I had a really great insight when it came to facing the limitations.

Facing fears and limitations we focus on the fear and how hard its going to be and how bad its going to make us feel...its really just that thinking that makes it feel difficult but the thing that came to me is really this is not about facing fears and doing really hard stuff...No, this is about empowering ourselves and facing our fears is just a vehical for us to do that and for us to say, yeah this empowerment stuff actually does work and here is the evidence!

So it says in the book and in the lesson cd to face your fears when you are feeling good, well you don't have to wait one day until you feel good...you can make yourself feel good and feel really empowered (enough that your empowerment feeling over rides your fear) and then go and face the limitation! How do you do this? Well if you look at what we were taught in the program we can use our thoughts to either scare us or to empower us, to encourage (give us courage) or discourage (to take it away).

So here is what I am finding working....if I have negative feelings and thoughts, I work through those on paper first and then I will focus on the limitation. using a small spiral notepad from the dollar store (it actually has spiderman on the front which is just cute and empowering), I set myself up for having a positive experience with the limitation. I use this only for facing limitations and this is the setup I use;

Activity: Lets use karaoke as the example

Reason: I just want to have an exciting time doing what I really love to do and to build confidence in myself while i'm doing as well as self-esteem.

Intentions: Get up there and sing to the best of my ability and to have as much fun as I can (I've done karaoke before so I know I can get up and do it but if I hadn't then I might put that my intention is really just to go there and be in the environment and just get comfortable being there)

Expectations: My expectation is that I make an attempt to get up on stage and do the best job that I myself can do at that moment.

Lastly I would write out positive what-ifs....What-if I really enjoy myself up on stage and I have a great time and as a result I make new friends and I feel more empowered and confident? And what-if it becomes easier and easier and I become so comfortable that I do the funny and silly things I've always wanted and people really love me and I become more comfortable being myself around others and what-if amazing job opportunities came from it and if I felt more comfortable being myself in general and I become more connected with myself and others and feel more loved and loving? And what-if I become better at singing and I do a big performance on stage and I do improv performances on stage or I get a part in a movie and I am comfortable enough to make some really amazing youtube videos?

Then I would go through the limitation and in some cases when I was able to (which at the beginning I think its best to choose limitations that you can stop and do this), I would stop and write through the thoughts that came up and then go back to the limitation...if that didn't work then to stop and allow yourself to just sit with the feelings and allow yourself to feel them and then go back to the limitation.

After that write about the experience in a different colored pen (I used red)...write about how it felt thinking about it (briefly), how it felt after changing the thoughts and how it felt after using that setup as well as how it felt doing it.


I've used this 4 times and it seems to work very well...One of those times I had to call to inquire about tickets for a show for my friend's birthday and I was still nervous calling but felt more empowered and I was doing really well on the phone and then I ended up saying something really stupid and I felt embarassed but it was fine and I felt accomplished still....oh and that thing, I had asked about how to buy the tickets (this is an improv show and I've never been to one) and I think he said its like going to a theatre or a cinema and I told him I don't go to those when in fact actually yes I do...but I was just so nervous that those words came out...and then I shared that on facebook and people totally understood and didn't make a big deal out of it.





Mike

[forever young 06]

Mike I love that picture of the highway. I remember a time when I loved the road I loved to just ride around down all roads, didn't matter how isolated or how busy. I wish I could get back there some day. This is my worst fear out of elevators. I don't seem to have a lot of little fears all though I have developed health anxiety. I had a touch of it in my early days of anxiety. I think I am better than I have a set back. I don't know how to work on this. you did a good job with working out a way to face your limitations. I have been busy again I kept my grandkids yesterday and today. I don't feel like doing much else when I get home. I haven't listened to the tape or looked at the book. I hope I can keep up I feel overwhelmed and I start to not know what to do. I am going to try to hold on and get a grip. mike keep up the good work.

THH are you snowed in ? we missed the snow but it got very cold we have had two really cold days. It is even cold today. I was out to my daughters both days. I even drove both days. hope you are okay.

[Ninjafrodo2]

Foreveryoung;
I'm glad you liked the picture and that it brought up happy memories. Sounds like you are still struggling alot. Why do you think you feel overwhelmed and if you knew what to do to work on this then what would you do to work on this?


Mike

[THH]

Hi Everyone,
Wow it has been one practice after another, yes we got a big storm here. We missed a bunch of snow. But we had the coldest temps I have ever seen with -20 and a 30 + mph wind. It has been 24 hours of below 0 weather for us. Hope it gets better soon. Our lights flickered several times last night and my anxiety was high. I worked on my thoughts and tried to recognize and address my fears. It was /is still very dangerous temps.
I am okay but I have been taking things one day at a time. At times one hour, one min.

As I laid in bed last night listening to the wind hit the side of the house, my 100 year old house cracked and popped from the cold expanding. I worried about my critters, frost bite, my husband could not work so thankfully he was here to tend to some of the things I normally get dumped on. We had frozen water lines in our barn and dead battery's in our vehicles.

I worried about the power staying on. I worried about my animals getting frost bite or even worse. I worried about our furnace running non stop for days. I worried and worried and what if-ed lots more things. Like my poor old dad, is our co2 working. ( I had a mini panic attack with that one, I plugged it in and it went off. I had to look for the book and see what the code ment. Finally after finding it, it says I need to replace the battery!!! OMG. )

I told myself that this is all out of my control. It is going to be what it is and I will be able to deal with how ever it turns out. It was a comfort to embrace what was happening rather than fight it and curse it. I do not like it one bit, but I CAN NOT CHANGE IT!
I noticed I get these same feelings when the summer gets so dang hot upper 90's and dew points like Africa. I get them when I have a dental problem, or I get sick. I don't like it. So I was much more aware of this mostly due to us doing the program. I also don't get a choice in much of these things, I get pushed and have to face what ever it is at the time. My first reaction is fear. Because I don't like what is happening. Then I whatif because I have to think of all the possible things?
So I am working my way.

I did read my book, and listened to my audio. It helped support me some but I need to be more flexible and not get mad when things don't go my way.

I got obsessed with looking at the thermometer it said -20 below for hours. Was it broke? I looked on line and it was -10. It must be broke. I took down the thermometer, it don't matter its cold. I don't need a thing to bug me. I got out my paint and started a project and it was good but I stayed agitated much of the day.

I would like to get a normal routine going but nothing is normal!!! So I get it Forever Young it makes me feel behind and I want to keep up. really we are keeping up! You drove your car and took care of your grand kid! I took care of what needed done to stay warm and safe for my husband and fur kids.

Mike: Your pictures are off the hook. I love them and thank you for sharing them.

[THH]

Mike:
I also realize that I am a depressed person at times. I never said that before. I never really thought of myself as being depressed. I always admitted to having anxiety.

They said in the book that depressed people anticipate the situation with negative and scary results and how that creates tremendous anxiety...often that is a memory reaction. It reminds me of what someone said in the tapes (This is a memory of how we use to do things we don't do anymore). That is very important to me, I think keeping this in mind will help to separate my belief that my thought is true from it being just a thought.

This stuck out at me too. I always anticipate the situation with negative scary thoughts! Glad you brought it up.

To also answer your question about the intuitive gift, sorry I get to vague many times. I meant to say that at times I get that tuned in feeling where I am right on. Other times I feel like I am in tune, but at times have a hard time reading the situation and can not tell if it is intuition or my thoughts making things up. It seams I never question or think about things when I am tuned in. For myself this is the only way I can tell the difference.

You also laid out a very good example of setting healthy expectations. They are built on small steps. Very good reminder!

[Ninjafrodo2]

I'm still going pretty strong with my limitations. Today was one of those assertiveness days. I was assertive with one guy online on this site where you meet people...the guy was really insulting and his opening statment was, omg your pictures are hundreds of years old...I ended up telling him that I didn't appreciate the way he was talking to me, and I had no intention of sending him new pictures (he asked me to in order to prove that I still looked like I did in my pictures I had posted) and to stop messaging me....I think I took him by suprise because he suddenly blocked me! I also was assertive or rather I just expressed myself with my landlord. He said something like "what can I give you crap for today" (not sure if that was ment to be a joke or one of those half joke half serious type things), and instead of staying silent...I said "Nothing, because I don't want to hear it."

...As for limitations I notice that I have a bunch more of them then I thought....

I have struggles with;
playing videogames
making meals with more than 5 ingredients
cleaning and keeping things clean
staying in the moment especially when i'm out of my house
calling to make appointments or ordering things on the phone
conflict and expressing myself
getting to bed when i'm tired
looking at myself in the mirror
social situations with groups of people
one on one social situations
public speaking
heights
bordem
feeling tired
watching certain tv shows
reading
Telling someone I don't like them
Telling someone to stop when they are dumping stuff on me and i'm getting overwhelmed
Overworking myself
Relaxation sometimes
Getting and keeping a job
Long term committments
Dance class or any group fitness class where we interact with each other
....there may be more but I can't think of any others. I don't have any health fears, I don't have doctor or dentist ones or the plane one anymore...I've never had a problem with elevators either and most of these limitations I am able to do with a moderate amount of anxiety.

By the way I decided to face a fear on facebook and tell people things that I've carried around that do embarass me...they were from years and years ago and I'll share some with you guys....one thing we really fear is of embarassing ourselves so maybe this will be a great way to gain comfort for each other if we share these things.


In highschool I was playing football and I tried to tackle my own teammate.

I accidentally got wine on a library book and took it back to the public library and as I was talking with the person in charge I was trying to say "I didn't do it on purpose" but what came out was "I did it on purpose"

When I worked at a coffee shop and I was serving a customer I said, "Can I take my order"

I've laughed numerous of times when what was said wasn't even funny and I was the only person to laugh....one time someone even asked me why I was laughing and I couldn't give an answer and just walked away.

I was severely lactose intolerant and I think I consumed some dairy and well I went dancing and I cleared the dance floor because of it :S

I peed my pants in elementary school and when I went to the office, I told them I fell in a puddle

I was at my friend's place and his mom said, "I'm heading to bed" and then I said "yeah me too" and it was embarassing because I thought I had insinuated that I was going to bed with her. lol

The other day I was on the phone and asking about ticket purchasing and how to do it and the person said it works like any kind of cinema when you buy tickets and I told the guy that I don't go to them...and ya actually I do.

There are many other things too but this is all I can think of at the moment.


THH
Sounds like you got natural exposure to your anxiety. The universe or god or whatever you want to call it was giving you opportunities to face your fears. The danger was definately there and so its understandable that you would feel afraid but it sounds like you got through it...what were the things that helped you out the most in getting through it? And it is really interesting...I mean with the anxiety...we can't control alot of what happens to us and some things are going to happen to us either way, but we can help to prepare ourselves and empower ourselves with the skills we learn in the program and any other self improvement type skill. Do you think you would have been able to handle this situation as well as you did without what you learned in this program? How do you think you would have responded without it?

Good you realized the depression part, it is definately important! And the anticipating the situation as negative is bound to happen with an anxiety condition....anxiety is mostly just a memory reaction. In some situation we had the body feelings and they scared us and it gets tied into whatever activity, place or person that was apart of that situation when the feelings come up and then we start to fear that the same thing is going to happen again because of the memory coming up, its our mind's way of protecting ourselves from danger.

As for the intuitive stuff oh yeah tell me about it...this has been a problem for me as well especially when fear comes up...it can be hard but if you can get grounded then you can differentiate things better. One thing that I do (I read this from a book about how to trust your intuition because of I needed more help in that area) is I will write options out on paper when it is a decision type of thing and I'll write out as many as I can come up with and then go through each one and see how I feel about it or see if I can imagine myself choosing that option and then seeing how I feel about it. I even do the imagining thing when i'm buying groceries and it seems to help, even when money is scarce and well that has been the issue for a long time.




My friend mentioned this when I told him about me being assertive and it was soooo great! I'm actually going to use this as part of my assertiveness project just because its so great!


Mike

[THH]

Things are beginning to settle. Now our temps are 40*. Such crazy stuff, -20 to 40* all in the same week. I feel calmer, got some of my "normal" routine in. Walked with the dogs - I enjoy that.
Hope Forever young and Maple Lane are good.

Mike,
Your brave in facing some of the silly things that you did in the past. I think everyone does dumb, or silly things! As you get older you even forget 1/2 of them.

The things that helped me get though it was the constant checking the information I was feeding myself, Though this program and the many times we talked about facts. So I would say to myself The power is going to go off and we are going to freeze. ( as an example ) I would make a correction and say we have power, why are you doing this to yourself. And if I would think, but it might? I would say I have many options, my dad lives down the road and he has wood stove. It is just a storm, we have been though many of them. What makes you think this is the one to do me in?
I had to work hard at healthy thoughts and say positive things, even when I did not feel it. I was just feeling an over all expected something to go wrong feeling. I was able to identify what I was doing and be able to work on my thinking. I made it though it after several days strung together dealing with more of the same. I did pretty good.

I used what skills I have learned in the program to work out my perception problems. My skills are weak, but they were strong enough to make it much better.
If it were before the program, I would have gotten all upset and not know how to figure out why I was feeling so bad. I may have even ended up in the er for a panic attack. SO I stayed home and even though I was uncomfortable I managed and rolled with it. Much of it really was out of my control. That is a hard thing to except when your a control freak. But I have learned in these types of situations the sooner you recognize this is not under your control, the sooner you can regain control by focusing on something totally different.

I have to get to know my depression too. Sense I never seen it before, I have to remember to look for it and not ignore it. I get it with the memory protecting us. It is true, all my reaction comes from memory. That is what makes it hard is staying in the moment and blocking those memory thoughts. Being positive that things will be different, and much of the time it is. It is a lot of work and I hope there is a time when I get really good at it. It seams up & down. I know that is to be expected as when you do the same thing so much you don't even think about it, to trying to change that conditioning and replacing it with something new It is hard. Again trying to stay positive and think I can rather than OMG its too hard.
Love the picture. Good movie too.

I just watched the Lone Ranger movie, with Johnny Deep and loved it. Loved his humor...

[forever young 06]

hey guys I am still here. I am trying to catch up. I hadn't read all my lesson from lesson 7. I did that the other day then working on lesson 8. I am having a hard time with working on my limitations, I thought I might try driving toward some areas that give me trouble. I will start slow then go a little farther each time. I still have my times when I feel weak and trying not to pay any attention to it. I wish that would go away.

mike I don't know why I feel overwhelmed I guess because I am behind. and maybe because I don't want to face my fears. I need to get to the place I want to be empowered by it. I have a lot of work to do.

THH I would have been like you through your storm. I am afraid of the electric going off in cold weather. I do have gas logs and I have a wood stove in the basement but don't use it. If the roads get real slick I am always afraid some one will get sick and you can't get to the Dr. I hate thinking the worst. I am working on it too. I feel like you did good not going into a panic attack. I too hope there will be a day when these thoughts don't come so easily and we don't think the worst. if we keep working we will get there the ones that have gone thru the program that are on the tapes you know they have got thru it. we need to keep going alone and never give up. I want to stay on top of this.

[Ninjafrodo2]

So I'm still going on with the fear facing...little bits here and there, and i'm feeling pretty good about setting myself up to win before-hand. It doesn't always however turn out with me feeling good though. I have had 2 situations that I did face my fears (both social related) and felt bad afterwards...not so much an anxious bad but a depressed kind of bad and after some looking into what it was that was going on in my head during the situation, I realized it was just my thoughts...after replacing them I felt better. I am also noticing that my thought replacement is coming quicker for me and sometimes I can do it without paper although not that often and its only now that i'm facing the limitations and really focusing on thought replacement and setting myself up to succeed beforehand that I actually feel satisfied with my efforts...I couldn't say that before, not anywhere else in this program run through.

I also added another thing to my facing limitations thing....if i'm not actually acknowledging my success and giving myself credit, then sometimes I don't feel good about what I did and felt like I didn't do good enough. I looked at that and realized there were a couple thoughts there that kept me from feeling good and I replaced those and it helped to open me back up to feel good about myself. One of those thoughts were "Why should I get so damn excited about facing my social anxiety and being social, anybody can do that?" What helped me is to remind myself that not everybody can do this easily and it doesn't matter if they can or not because its my challenge and my struggle and thats just where I'm at right now and this is worth celebrating because it was really difficult for me and I had the courage to do it anyways.

Other then this I am still plugging away...it seems like opportunities to face my fears are coming up naturally and some I just decide to do as well which is fine. Today I'm facing my fear of being tired and potentially lethargic...usually i'd get really uncomfortable kind of like THH when it comes to getting sick with a cold or flu, it bothers me, I feel like i'm going to be stuck like that forever with no end in sight, and I still feel some of this but i'm much more calm and more accepting of the situation at the moment and also still seeing that what takes me from this tiredness to a level of lethargy is again not activities themselves but my thoughts while I'm doing them...most of it is anticipatory anxiety that does this...I get afraid that I'll become lethargic and I think about it so much and scare myself so much that in fact I do. So instead today I did a bit of stuff, I replaced thoughts but mainly i'm playing videogames and watching some tv shows and taking it easy.



THH
Thank you! Yeah it does seem like everybody does these things. When I shared that information on facebook I got told that it really is not that bad and some people started to share some of their stuff too and it turned out to be a great experience in doing that and I feel more accepted by other people and myself actually.

Thats great that you did pull out your skills in the storm and used them to calm yourself down, instead of just freaking out and then having to be brought to the er, Good job! It is defiantely still a process, in a way we are changing our whole way of thinking and being and well thats not something that happens overnight.

Its also interesting how you weren't able to see the depression thing before but great that you can now. Also the part about the memory thoughts, it just seems like the past is going to be exactly the same as the future when you get lost in these patterns and don't realize it. What works for me is to actually spend time feeling some of those memories out consciously...somehow it just helps to separate my past from my present and my future. Anyways we're doing good, its going to take some more time and thats ok.


ForeverYoung
Thats great that you got through the lesson 7 stuff and started working on lesson 8, I know this is challenging for you but it seems like you are still trying and that is wonderful. As for the limitations, what is scaring you the most about them? And what do you think you could do in order to feel more empowered? What can you do in order to inspire yourself and put yourself in a good mindstate before you try facing the limitations?

Mike

[Ninjafrodo2]

Oh and we start the next lesson tomorrow