Empowering Group Program Run-through part4

[MapleLane]

I've been thinking about the idea of being in the present moment and I think this is another one of those concepts that we'd benefit from finding balance in.

Being in the moment has been good for enjoying the life I am living at this very point in time
On further thought I realized that it might be worth reminding ourselves that mentally spending time in the past or the future is not a bad thing. It's actually a really useful thing to be able to do.
(Also I think there's a place we go when we daydream or are deep in creativity that isn't past, present or future...but that's not really important here).

I think there are a couple things we can keep in mind in order to find a healthy balance:

1) that we probably don't want to be spending too much time in the past or future OR present.
We know that spending too much time in the past or future can cause us to miss the wonder of the very moment we are living in.
On the flip side, expecting ourselves to be in the present moment all the time or almost all the time just isn't very realistic given human nature and we may also cause ourselves to miss out on what a gift it is to be able to visit the past and possible future in our minds.

2) that we're mindful of what we do there. Do we spend time in the future to dream and plan or to worry and predict negative things?
Do we spend time in the past to learn from what we've seen and done, and to enjoy pleasant memories. Or do we go there and fill ourselves with guilt or regret?


If we're mindful of maintaining a healthy approach to visiting past and future, let's let ourselves enjoy sometimes NOT being in the moment

[coachchris]

Hi All:)

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Hope this helps:)

Happy Thanksgiving!
Coach Chris

[THH]

Today I spent much of the day staying calm. At times focusing on just this moment in time. For me it is very easy to get too far ahead of my self, cleaning, cooking getting ready for holidays. If I stay in the moment I get more done. If I start worrying I get distracted and then just worry. If my mind is focused on what I am just doing, I can plan and stay clear in the mind. finishing one thing before starting another helps too.
I tend to get to many things going at one time.
I am waking up better, without negative thoughts right out of the gate. I catch myself when I brush my teeth, I always seam to think about them and when my next appointment is. ( even though its not even this week, or month ) I try and think of my plans for today just to get away from me fixing my mind on teeth! LOL...
When I get to worried/ stressed about what ever it is I have to do, I think of either my teeth or my body symptoms. Its weird.

I'm doing better at managing my thoughts.

[THH]

Coach Chris,
Thanks, I will try it just to see if I can figure it out. Thanks again.
Happy Thanksgiving to you too!!!

Maplelane:
Good point that it is a good thing to be able to think of "good memories" from the past. Because hopefully there are many! ( AND there are for me.) For me there are times I will do that but more often I tend to think of negative past things. Many of the memories I have include many people who are no longer here. I don't have regret nor guilt. I feel sadness because I miss those days, and people who I shared those days with. I rarely day dream of good fun things to look forward to. If I day dream, I anticipate another loss, or more bad news. I guess it is this age where things are expected. I think when your young life gives you things, get married, family, houses, cars ect. As you get older, people start to decline. Life takes away. Sadness is everywhere. Dealing with old parents where there hay day is over. Being creative helping them look forward to a dinner is really good!
It is part of life, and as I age I must embrace this, and be as graceful as possible. Also it is important to look forward to something fun. It could balance things out a little. So thank you for the tip, as I found in my writing this, I need to think about fun more.
Thought provoking for sure...

[THH]

Mike:
I like your pictures with the captions! Also Your list of accomplishments, good truths.

For me session 2 was great this time as well. I am beginning to understand this external, internal thing. Before I got the external and I assumed much of my anxiety came from there. This time there are not as many external things as internal. I think much my body symptoms are coming from internal stress, not just my thoughts and expectations, but facing the reasons I feel these symptoms. It is stress producing, but at times in a good way. I have uncovered another layer.
We are learning some skills, we can put to much pressure on ourselves. Slow and steady wins the race!

I can also relate to your job experience! I was so unprepared to take a job. Again, expectation. I should just know how to work at every job and after a hour of training run the place. LOL... If I did not work at home, I do not know what kind of job I could even do. In my early years, parents figured girls would get married. No reason for education. I had several jobs, waitress at a truck stop, store clerk, factory worker. I was harassed being a women long before it was talked about. I figured I'd be broke before I would play games for money. I did not go into management as I could of, I hated what people did to get there.
In my middle 20's I got a job in a flower shop. I learned so much and enjoyed everything. I even did local deliveries. I learned by watching other designers and in a year I was a designer. I stayed there for 11 years. My husbands business took off and there was a good opportunity for me to work with him. So I quit, I worked there on call for years helping with holidays and fill in.

I don't think there are that many jobs like that around as the grocery stores took over full line florist. Creating my own job has helped me. I fear the day I would half to get into the work force and find a spot again. hoping I can ride this out till retirement. What ever that is? LOL...

So your not alone in your experience. Maybe one day you will discover something that really works for you!

[forever young 06]

hi all, I am trying to stay focused and learn something. so much for getting over an attack. I had a spell Sun after noon. I had another one yesterday around 12 noon. I was going to start wrapping Christmas presents and usally I want to not do a thing just maybe lay down. I hate thinking something is wrong with me. So I said I don't care how you feel I am not giving into this. Yes you feel weak and short of breath but go ahead and do what you intended to do. I did I eventually felt better I did the breathing exersies. I feel that helps because for some reason I find I am holding my breath. I wonder if that doesn't bring on the symptoms.

THH I have to go to the Dr this afternoon and I am already dreading it. I have had some pretty bad spells there and my mind wants to go back those thoughts. the mind is a powerful thing. It is going to take some time to get things worked out. I am trying hard to not get discouraged. I also have to take the dog back to the vet to check his insulin levels. this too is stressful. I cooked for my daughter and her family and found I get stressed I feel like I need to rush like I have to have this fixed at the right time. I had to keep telling myself stop rushing what is the hurry if they get her before you have it fixed so what they can wait. I found a should, I should be able to keep grandchildren while my daughter works but you know they stress me so much. I don't have a lot of patience and get very tired. I wished I could but I don't need to should that on me.

I need to let go and try to relax I am putting some pressure on my self. and I am back to wanting to worry about those spells is there really something wrong with me should I have more test ran. I wish I wouldn't think that. I had been doing better. I have to keep reassuring myself I am okay. I still haven't listened to tape 2 again. oh well have a good day.

[THH]

Forever Young,

I think I hold my breath too. The breathing exercises does help.

Your doing good. You are aware of several things bothering you, and you have seen the symptoms show up. Accepting you know what they are is enough. Your trying to change the thoughts and that too is good.
I know several people who are dealing with grandma guilt. It is important to be in their lives, but that could be one for you list to visit later. Setting realistic times and dates will help with this. I seen my neighbor work though this situation.
Cooking, and taking care of the dog are all not that bad except when everything gets you feeling so rushed. I know that feeling too.

I'm sure your okay, but it is nice to have that come from the doctor. Have a good visit!

[coachchris]

Holding your breath will increase symptoms. So does shallow breathing. It's great to hear that you're aware of this. I was a terrible breather too and it took time for me to practice and float through the adrenalin. Keep practicing. There is nothing to fear or fight. You are safe.

[Ninjafrodo2]

So yesterday was really interesting...I got an insight about the spaciness while working through the thought replacement. I'm really afraid of letting go of the spaciness and bewilderment and what comes up is i'm afraid that I will see that I'm not in control and cannot change my circumstances while feeling the full effects of them. This is not the truth for the current circumstances but in the past it was very true. (This next part is a little painful and if you are really sensitive and easily triggered then you might not want to read this).

In my teenage years I came to realize that I was in fact abused by one of my older family members, I had also realized that the way I was raised to be was actually mean and I didn't know how to live or how to be and didn't really have any role models for that and I was also dealing with being neglected as well as my confusion about my sexuality. There was alot of stress and it was overwhelming, I tried to reach out several times but it just made people uncomfortable, nobody really knew how to help me and I really didn't see much hope and I didn't have anybody to turn to so the only way for me to actually cope with such stress was to space out and do my best to disassociate from my circumstances. I blocked out alot of pain (both from those circumstances I mentioned as well as other things like kids saying nasty things to me), it did serve me in keeping me occupied while I got through those years not really having the ability to change my circumstances.

So i'm still in that survival mode when it comes to the spacy feelings...I am still trying to protect myself and yet those same threats are gone and actually I do have the power to change my circumstances now which is much much different from my past. It is very scary to give up such a coping mechanism but at the same time, that coping mechanism also makes it very difficult for me to make a life for myself and to feel a connection with other people, it makes it hard for me to do many tasks and to really focus on concentrate on them but most of all, I end up missing out on many wonderful moments and I don't want that anymore. I am scared but I can't live like this anymore...I'm not the powerless teenager I once was, I have power now and I'm starting to really realize it...in fact it has actually inspired me to create a new project that will help remind me of that power and how to create power within myself.



Mike

[forever young 06]

oh mike my heart breaks for you. I know you can get thru this it will take work. I feel like I have a lot of work to do myself. work at it slowly it will take time. you are learning so much it is painful. I dread the it is time to face your fears. I listened to part of tape 2 while I walked on the treadmill. yes I exercised today had to make myself.

THH you are not going to believe this but I called the drs office to be sure the dr was there today and they said she was out sick. I feel for her so made another appointment for dec 5th. I don't want to have to look for another dr we don't have much to offer here in this small town. I did okay with the dog his blood sugar is still high they keep increasing his insulin so hopefully we will get there soon. what kind of business are you and your husband in ? It would be nice to work for yourself the work force is pretty rough. I am only going to take one day at a time if I can.

thanks coachchris for your input. I recently saw I was holding my breath and at times I feel breathless. I feel this could be adding to it and I start the breathing exercise. it does seem to help. I need to keep working out my thoughts and feelings.