Back after 3 years anxiety-free

[Asamsyd]

Hello all.
This is a bit hard for me to start writing again, as it's been so long since I've done it or felt the need for help. I've been having panic attacks again for the last 2 months. Feels like I'm slipping back into my old patterns. (Reclusiveness, worry, ocd) But I did something a bit different this time...I went back and read through all my posts I've written. And you know what? It made me feel pretty darn good to see the progress I made and how I was able to help others! That in itself is lifting my spirits high.

I guess the ridiculous part is, I have always known that since I have panic disorder, it WILL spike up at times. It is a condition but it does not DEFINE who I am!

This is what my thoughts/fears are right now:
-Scared it's going to "get as bad as last time"
-Afraid I'm going to not be able to take care of my daughter properly
-And so on and so forth

What reality is:
-I have anxiety, but so what!
-It's just body symptoms
-It's my minds way of avoiding what the real stressers are in my life, inessence taking thefocus away from what I need to deal with (I just started back at college 2 months ago...when the panic attacks started back lol)
-I will not die, go crazy, blah blah
-I will get through this
-I will be ok

I'm going to try to post on here daily, but if you don't hear from me it means I'm having a great day and anxiety hasn't even crossed my mind, and thats a good thing! Feel free to follow my posts as I've down the program before and will start again tomorrow morning.

God Bless,
Crystal

[samcat]

Hi Crystal,

Sounds like you have the skills to handle a setback now. Just keep at it it. Going back to college can be a major stresser, especially with little kids at home. Don't listen to your negative thoughts--they are big lies. Remember what Ken said on the DVD's, "Thoughts, only thoughts." You will get better--you did it before, so you have proof that it works. Your sensitive system just got too stressed out again , but you know what to do this time. Good luck and I believe you will get yourself straightened out again.

Admitting you have to work on your skills is already taking a big step to getting better and you were smart to do that!

Take care,
Samcat

[patience99]

Hi crystal I also went thru the program 2 years ago and did very we'll with my anxiety was basically symptom free for 2 years. I have had a 2nd child and alot going on in my familys life that created some unmanaged stress that I did not realize that turned into anxiety. I am going thru the program again also, learning to live in the moment again everyday and just taking one day at a time. I never was one peer support the first time i used the program so thought I would reach out and say that we will and we are on the right track to acheiving our goal. Emotional muscle and self confidence. Take care.

[Asamsyd]

Thank you very much. Of course the worst oars is the fear of regression, but I just have to keep telling myself that I'm allowed a "bad" time. I've coped before, no one has ever died from anxiety and I wil get better. I just gotta keep reminding myself that it's on God's time and not mine. Self talk and letting the anxiety float through you seems to be the most helpful. The difference between now and then is that I have prn anxiety meds. Althoigh it mostly makes me drowsy. Lol

[Asamsyd]

Today was a rough day- the anticipatory anxiety has got me so angry today that I melted now and cried like a baby. Im just s angry with myself for being anxious when I know its all in my head!! GRRRRR!!!!
I know I can be ok, I have been ok. Even 15 minutes throughout the day of being ok proves that. But geez....I want to feel better RIGHT NOW!!

Heading out to watch fireworks. Wish me luck.

[Asamsyd]

Different kind of a day for me. Pushing thru and doing better, even got all my laundry done and house cleaned (with the exception of paiting my daughters desk with a second coat, which im gonna next.) Session 8 is helping me a lot today. My What If thoughts for today,

What if this makes me a better person overall?
What if I enjoy life more?
What if it makes me a stronger speaker?
What if it makes me able to help others?

Adrenaline dumps take a while to disapate. Remember that eventually your body will get over trying to respond that way.

[Asamsyd]

Oh my, lol. I just re-ordered the program. (I had it years ago but sent it to someone who couldnt afford it.) Money well worth it

[patience99]

Hi crystal, I hope you are doing better now. Anticipatory anxiety is one of the main things i am working on getting thru my growth spurt. That and also making peace with my symptoms. One thing that helps me so much is just to do my best to live in the present moment. I know that is not easy sometimes but dealing with the moments of anxiety in the present moment and then doing your best to just let go and not keep obsessing once the moment is over. one good quote a coach told me one time was if we are dwelling on the past or anticipating the future how can we live in the present moment. Working on ourselves again to build emotional muscle we sometimes get obsessed with our selves. To much is just as bad as not enough. Baby steps.. Take care Jeremy Patience99

[Asamsyd]

Jeremy, thank you so much for your kind words...it feels so good to hear my favorite quote--"live in the precious, present moment".

I would like to add to anyone reading this--- today has been a good day. Did I have some anxiety? Yes, yes I did. But what I did today that I didn't do before the program 4 years ago was--I worked through it. I cleaned house, listened to the 3 different sessions on my phone, I painted some of my daughters furniture, I took a relaxing bubble bath. I played with my daughter. And then, I went out driving and went tanning and to the hardware store for more paint. Did I feel a bit anxious at times during it? Yup! But I did it anyway. And guess what? I'M NOT DEAD!! hahahahaha. Yes I can laugh. because when I'm not panicky, I know I still have all the tools the program taught me.

I really wish I could talk to Lucinda... I would hug her.

Love to all of you, and I'll write again soon.

God Bless,
Crystal

[Asamsyd]

Much better day today. Had a fantastic day yesterday, that ended up not so great due to a fight with my boyfriend which kinda ruined my evening...but its ok.
So today Ive been chatting with friends, even made a huge step and went out in the heat with my daughter, went to Kmart and got the things we needed and came home. Felt some anxiety, but told myself that I was allowed to feel that way. Huge accomplishment. However, it is sooo hot so I'm going to stay inside the rest of the day. (after I eat some food bc Im STARVING).
I hope everyone is doing well and can look at themselves and see that they will be o and overcome this. Just continue to remind yourself that that it does go away and we will get better.

Take care!!

Crystal