General Depression or Reasonable Cause

[olliebear]

Hi all,

I've been pretty depressed since the beginning of the year. I have suffered from anxiety & panic for about 8 years, but the severe depression is somewhat new for me. I guess I'm writing to ask for validation that I have a right to be depressed anyone in my situation would be as opposed to just being a depressed person. I'm sure I shouldn't be asking and that my feelings are valid as feelings but I need some outside opinions.

I've been supporting my retired mother and unemployed brother for over 4 years. I love them dearly and they are my mental support units (I'm co-dependent and can't drive more than a couple miles from home, etc.). That said I'm burnt out in my work, everything I work for has gone to their expenses. I have not paid down any of my own debts or saved anything because of this black hole. I think I hate my career (too many hours) but I'm not sure if its lack of reward or really hating the career. I can't abandon them but I'm also so very tired of it all. They are the only people I confide in and I can't allow myself to trust them because they have a stake in my continuing to work. On that point I think I want to change careers, I want to get out of the financial world and teach and work with people and shape futures. It would be costly to change over and I want my family to support me, but I feel like they won't genuinely because they need me right now.

I have no life of my own and only go to work and come home. I'm starting to get anxiety when I leave for work in the morning because I don't want to go. On top of that I have had a couple of panic attacks at the office (privately I run to my office and pop some Xanax). I feel like I need a break, but there is none in sight. I feel guilty about wanting a break when other people are desperately seeking work. And I don't know if I'm using the career change to run away from something, to just burry myself in something to avoid the lack of a life. The career change would require additional school, I already have an MBA and it'd be 4-5 years for a PhD.

Olliebear

[OmahaIsBeautiful]

Hi Olliebear!

It makes perfect sense that you need to hear external validation of your feelings; hearing someone else say that it's okay to feel a certain way is something we all need sometimes. So: it's okay to feel depressed. It sounds like you are feeling very overwhelmed, and that is completely understandable! Take a moment to recognize how amazing it is that you are able to do so much. Congratulate yourself on your accomplishments and all of the hard work that you do!

As for your career, if you are interested in teaching, you might try applying as a summer school aide. I don't know what the laws are in your state, but in some states you can get a job as a teacher's assistant with an associate's degree in anything. You are more than qualified, and with a temporary position like that, you can get an idea of what it would be like to teach full-time and whether it would be worth it to you to consider going back to school. It may not be feasible, but it is something to consider.

Hang in there! Remember that you are not alone!

[bob p]

it is great that you are helping your retired mom and unemployed brother, but i would let them know what you want and things might change in the future. you do deserve to go for your dreams. go for it.

[LyndaLu]

olliebear:
Well, I guess I know what the other side feels like now.
I am the "unemployed sister" in my family and have been unemployed now for 3 years.
I have been able to support myself financially through that entire time spending my
severance pay, my retirement fund and almost all of my unemployment insurance
benefits pay. I recently have begun to receive money from my sister, she is going to
be helping me out financially while I look for a job and as my unemployment insurance benefits
payments expire. I have a few more weeks of unemployment insurance benefit
payments. My sister works hard and she will be retiring in a couple of years. Here I sit
in my apartment, unemployed, and there she is working very, very hard at her job
every day. She is learning a new computer system at her job and she is very stressed about that.
I am here doing nothing for three years while trying to find a job that I am qualified for.
I have no education or computer skills. I WAS at my last job for 24 years, but my skills have
slowly been wasting away with my poor concentration and poor memory blinding me.
I guess that is all I have to say. I am so sorry that you have to support your mom and
your brother. I know times are tough, but you should not have to shoulder all of the weight.
You are strong, capable and intelligent. You are important.
God Bless.
Lynda

[lucy knepp]

I've suffered from depression and anxiety all my life. Sometimes I think it is in the genes. I don't know. I analyze and self evaluate all the time. I ask why I was born this way, why can't I enjoy life, why can't I be more motivated?
I go in circles. Everything I watch on television or hear or see anywhere I think too much about it and end up feeling depressed for one reason or another. It comes back to me which causes guilt. I want to focus on other people but it comes right back to me. I talk about how proud I am of my brother and sister and their accomplishments and then my mind goes to, why didn't I accomplish more. I think the biggest reason I am sad about my relationship with siblings is that I feel there's been a distance put between them and me. I remind myself and they remind me of the bond of love but I feel the cultural differences put a distance. We are not alike anymore. We are all individuals. They are allowed to have their own interests. I feel I got left behind. They love me I know that. They tell me life is choices.....they chose professional careers and I wanted a family. Of course you can have both I know that.............but they put everything in the one. I remind myself that there will always be lesser and greater persons than yourself. Don't compare yourself to others. You are a child of the universe, no less than the stars and the trees. Be proud of your work no matter what it is. Be happy with your own accomplishments big or small.

so.............what? so............I will go on.......and remind myself over and over that I have a purpose and I am loved.

Lucy Knepp

[lucy knepp]

Anxiety again. Facebook is depressing to me. I read all this about my sister and her husband and her family. I feel even more inadequate now than ever. Trying to remember I am loved. Ok ok..............

[LyndaLu]

lucy

Thanks for sharing ! Sometimes just writing on the website is a great way to relieve the stress !
You are doing a great job at trying to figure things out. You are a reasonable and intelligent person .
Stay strong and God Bless.

Lynda

[lucy knepp]

Thank you! I am so tired of being this way.
okay...no negativity.
Sleepy time
God Bless

[LyndaLu]

Olliebear, how are you doing ?

Lynda