Intrusive thought

[keepsmilin]

I would also like to add to the posts of others above.

I went to a therapist and he basically reminded me that "bad feelings are full of themselves". Stress and anxiety and depression feed themselves and feed off one another. When you feel bad, they WANT you to, and therefore, they win, and keep hittin' you, striking again and again until THEY have control. IT SUCKS. But remember, accept how you feel, say "it's ok I feel this way.." and let it go. That IS the fight. DON'T ignore and pretend it's not there and run away...then they chase you. The feelings are sometimes like a wasp/ bee....you show fear and they sense weakness and fear...then they sting. Take it from me....in the summer... I was running from a darn bee, screaming, freaking out...so I jump in the pool to get away from it! My head pops up from the water, and there it is hovering over me!! What the heck?! So.... what I'm trying to say is try stay calm. Remain cool. Accept. You'll be a little more at ease. The feelings will back off a bit.

Sorry if that's a weird analogy....but try understanding what I mean. Hope it helps

[JBerny]

I believe I have suffered some form of OCD and anxiety my entire life. Mine did not get bad until I was in my early 20's about a year after a car accident in which I started having severe panic attacks. i did not know what it was so I went to a ton of doctors who ran so many tests it was not funny. I thought I was dying and knew something horrible was wrong with me. I obsessed over dying and beeing sick. I would have thoughts of my family dying and leaving me. Like if my husband went on a trip somewhere I would have thoughts of his plane going down and i would even think it though to how I would cry and what i would do. As life went on the anxiety went away for about 16 years. Then 18 months ago my best friend died a horrible death from stage 4 bone cancer, a few months later my dog died, and a few months after that my brother died. I was grieving very hard and one day suffered a panic attack. I got so bad I could no longer go to work and ended up taking 6 weeks off and seeing a counselor as well as ordering this program. BTW this program is what saved my life 15 years earlier. So I ordered the program again and started it along with some ativan, that stops the racing thoughts. I used the meds only when I had too. One day, while on leave from work, I was in the house and my husband was working on our closest systems, and installing new ones. I saw a show called General hospital and this woman slit her husbands thorugh from behind. OMG there it went. I started obsessing over that and wondering if I was capable of losing my mind and slitting my husband's through. At this point I was suffering PTSD as well as anxiety and panic as a result of the car accident from years before. It all cmae back with a vengance. I could not get the slit the throat thought out of my head and the fear that would overcome me was so intense. i could not get near knives or any knives when he was around I was so afraid. I cried all the time and begged my counselor to lock me up so I would not hurt him. She kept telling me I was not going to hurt him and she was very sure of that. As time went on the thought was pushed out of my head but I find that any time I am very stressed I pull it back in and obsess over it. I obsess as to why I had it, could it happen, what did he do to deserve this thought in my head and I even worry anytime we are alone about the thought and why I had it. it is not constant but it does bother me that i ever had this thought. If it comes to my mind I have fear associated with it right away like anxiety. This is the one thing that has bothered me the most. I finished the program already and even re-visit the scary thought portion from time to time just to reassure myself I am normal. I have a friend who thought about killing her step child and it scares her so bad. She also sufferes extreme anxiety and panic. You are not alone at all. I am always here if you need to talk. I understand this fear very much and wish you the best. Thanks for listening. Oh yeah, try tapping theaphy as well. It has helped me so much.

[keepsmilin]

I am learning to obsess less, and let the things that don't matter GO, before they become "big" things. Learning more about my intuition and gut, as well as my head and heart. Still get confused...but talking and writing helps..and sometimes...thinking LESS HELPS...ok ....usually all the time.

Keep at it everyone!

KeepSmilin

[keepsmilin]

Jberny

I JUST read your post today. Right now.

I am sorry you had to go through all of that. Thanks for sharing! I am so happy to hear that you're in therapy and taking this program-and I am very happy to hear that this program has helped you. I wish you happiness and peace of mind. The fact that you stated you were obsessed with certain thoughts really reminded me of me. I did/do that all the time. And once I let it go...I bring it back in times of stress. Shouldn't I want a "security blanket" instead of another scary thought when I'm stressed and scared and anxious and depressed? Why do we make it worse for ourselves? It's interesting...yet scary. But knowledge is power and we can do this. We can share our thoughts and feelings here, and elsewhere, and seek comfort and confide in one another. I have been in this program for three weeks (currently on week 3), and I already notice a difference.

I wish you all the best, and if therapy and meds and this program help you...I am happy to hear that. Hang in there. I am here for you.

[keepsmilin]

Oh and I also wanted to share that I have been through the doctor thing A TON, too! What's wrong with me? Why are the tests all negative? I got tested for everything..and YES, I WAS SICK, FOR REAL. I had insane stomach aches, no menstruation for months...always had a horrible cold of some sort...the list goes ON! I can relate to you there, like you and I can relate to OCD with thoughts.

I notice..... I turn my "thoughts" into "bad thoughts"...but I do notice that simple unpleasant bad thoughts just pop into my head, too. So, for a thought....basically, If it's not just negative to begin with, I have the ability to turn it negative. AHH! It hurts.

I have also had OCD with towels after I shower....They needed to be clean and dry..always. I went through so much laundry...I am a bit better now though. This program will help me further I am sure!

I used to always wash my hands...when they didn't need to be washed at all. It was bad. They bled. I am better now. And again, I believe this program will help me even more.

I want you to know we can relate to each other. Neither of us are alone, you're right.