I should let go of the "shoulds"?

[Iwillbebetter]

Freeinmydreams, I have had a hard time with this also. I'm sure I will be coming back to this one for a while. You are right about "condintioning" yourself in this way. I think that is why we are here, to re-conditon or un-condition... Although they may seem logical when we are thinking them, they are so damaging when we are unable to meet our shoulds. When we aren't standing up to our expectations. Or others for that matter. I still work on this daily. I find myself often "shoulding" on myself. I'm learning to catch it now though and get rid of them before they "hurt" me so to say. I think with anything the more we practice it, the more we keep it on our mind the less often it will occur and the easier it will be to see and stop it.
Wishing you the best

[esperanca]

freeinmydreams, I have been working on expectations for about 4 weeks now. I have gone through the program once and decided to do it again. Although I have learned to recognize negative thoughts that lead to anxiety, I still felt that I needed to solidify the tools to help me overcome. It takes time, you probably have been thinking this way for a long time and it's going to take some time to correct it. That is what I keep telling myself. I don't want to give up like I have in the past and I don't want to settle living this way. I record all the feelings that hinder my happiness and I break them down to see if there is any truth to those feelings. I have to say that most of the time my expectations have been off and I find it liberating to be able to recognize this and to be in control of how I feel and not how others make me feel. I have started to let go of the shoulds by writing down my expectations and asking if they are true and if it is then i work on a plan to accomplish my expectations. Hang in there, keep reviewing the material and be patient with yourself!