New To Program

[tina martin]

Learning to love me. Yes, Yes, Yes.

Liking and loving the self is, in my view. everything. It took me a virtual lifetime to understand that. Some of us don't even have a self, not an easy concept to grasp. Dr. Keith Ablow writes about this is his book "Inside the Mind of Casey Anthony." I find it fascinating while others can't deal with it at all. In my mind it is the strength or weakness of our self that will determine much in our life.

[Iwillbebetter]

I am starting to learn the importance of loving thyself. It's amazing how much time so many of us spend trying to get others to love us. Or even trying to love others, but never taking a moment to love ourselves!!
[quote="tina martin"] Some of us don't even have a self, not an easy concept to grasp.
reading that was almost like a light bulb in my head lol - that is how I would say I had felt most of my life as though I didn't have a self! It's nice to learn that I do. Now it's just getting "me" out lol

I must say also Tina, I appreciate your "responses" I have looked forward the past few days to them!

[Katlyn0823]

Faith... My daughter is 4 months. I do feel all the changes in my life are what is causing this anxiety and depression, but she is my world. She's the only thing that keeps me going. I want to get better for her. I feel like I've been making progress the last couple days with the program. I find myself laughing more, leaving the house, and I've actually been driving!! I had bad anxiety with driving with my daughter in the car. So many thoughts would run through my head, and today I just jumped in the car and drove without a panic attack. I had a little anxiety but it went away after a minute or so. I know I have a journey in front of me, but don't we all? I'm trying to stay positive and hopefully feel back to myself again. Thank you for your concern. This support group really makes a difference.


I remember when I worked in a nursing home awhile back, a resident, whom I was veery close with, commented to me "You're such a happy girl, every time I see you you're laughing. I've always said you're not living unless you're laughing." I may not feel as happy I was then, I have high hopes I will. Just remember "you're not living unless you're laughing!"

[Iwillbebetter]

Katlyn,

WoW way to go!! Good for you to get in the car with your daughter and go. Sounds like you are making great progess!! It's amazing what we will do for our children. Your daughter is sooo lucky to have you for a mother. To be able to see that there was something wrong and that you are taking the steps needed to correct it. She is also lucky as the things you will learn you will be able to hand down to her!! I know I'm excited to start mastering these things so I to can pass them to my children. I only wish I would have taken these steps sooner. Anyway Good for you!! I also would like to stay posted on your successes and progress!!

** Live, Laugh, Love **

[tina martin]

IWBB, you are a joy. Thank you for what you said. If you feel your Self is in tact (my Self was not intact) you have the foundation to make great progress. Then it is a matter of developing those crucial attributes of Self such as self-worth, self-confidence, self-reliance, self-praise, self-liking, etc, and finally self-love.

How we achieve these goals may vary from one person to the other. Session 3, positive self-talk is key, I believe. So are good diet, exercise, and meditation, to name a few. Perhaps we can all think of other ways to help ourselves.

PS. Katlyn, I've almost always had phobias about driving and yet insist on it, as you did. Good for you. Never give in.

[Iwillbebetter]

Tina, You are most welcome I guess I probably am more "intact" than I think I'm really good at the negative thinking so although at most times I may not think so.... Yes that is my next session. I had a lot of trouble with that my 1st time around!! But I am excited for it this time. I started to get it last time. Well I got pretty good at, at least stopping the thoughts... rewording them... now that's another story But that's why I'm hear and working the program I am going to get the skills

I agree I think 3 is a big part of it also!! That is a big part of our self-esteem which is a big part of it all... really if we don't feel good about ourselves... if we don't see us as "good" how can we see much else in a good sense... I got this book at the library (I took my oldest this weekend) it's called "don't sweat the small stuff.... and it's all small stuff" Oh I just LOVE it. I plan to buy it!! I want to read it a few times and keep it handy!! It's basically just a bunch of ideas to help improve one's self. Like for example... when you awake in the morning (or anytime during the day) take just 1-2 minutes to think of someone to wish a love. It can be anyone. Friend, family, past, present, a stranger that did a kind deed for you (held a door, let you infront of him at the store etc) You can vision the person and just think/say Dear "friend" I wish you a day filled with love. I thought wow what a way to set the mood for you day huh. Some things are things Lucinda says... Like accepting the fact that Life is not always fair... each chapter/idea is only 1-3 pages (and it's a smaller sized book so the pages aren't big/long) I will start incorperating different things from that into my activities as well

I am working on those as well diet, excersize, and relaxation/meditation. I've never been good at any. So far I'm doing good with the excersize. As I don't want to set myself up for failure I just do some stretching mostly then I will do one thing in the middle of my stretches to get my heart going... like jumping jacks or stair climbs... I'm hoping that will help me with eating. I learned at a very young age, very poor eating habits. I think excersize will help to increase my appetite, and I will learn to not ignore my hunger signs...

[tina martin]

If a book speaks to you it is worth gold. Books have been speaking to me throughout my life (I am old). Fiction and non-fiction. Still turn to both. For some years son and I have loved BookClub, one of the grandest experiences for me. We read many classics and others as they interested either of us. We're very flexible, always agreeable.

The first thing for me in the morning is Gratitude for so many basics we tend to take for granted. Then Acceptance of those things I cannot change. Then Praise for myself. Sounds selfish, but if I'm pleased with myself, it's inevitable it will extend to others. So I believe.

[Iwillbebetter]

I was never much of a book reader. I actually just started reading little bits before getting this program. I knew that I was at the end of my rope so to say and I had to do something. I knew I just couldn't continue the way I was going or who knows what was to come. So I got some "self-help" books from the library.

Now that I determined to make some changes, my mornings are the first thing I am working on. I'm learning that's were a lot of it starts. I wake up and just start getting myself worked up about silly things... (I am now learning are silly things) but that kind of sets the mood for the day. So I now know if I change that it will change the mood for the day as well

And I don't think praising yourself sounds selfish at all We all deserve praise and I think it means so much more when it comes from ourselves instead of others!!!

[tina martin]

Yes, the morning can set the tone. I meditate a.m. and p.m., also do most exercise in a.m. but walk every afternoon.

The praise issue is really so important. Even if others do praise us, it is our own approbation of ourself that I think counts the most. Whether we are at home or at work, we can do so much, are so skilled and energetic and need to always remember that. Finding sources of pleasure in our own activities or hobbies is crucial too. Don't know whether the program addresses this. Hope you are having a good day.

[Iwillbebetter]

Why thank you, I hope you had a good day as well. I actually did. I was kind of thinking of the whole "morning" thing last night also. So I actually did very well today. This morning, was actually a little off. I've actually been working on adjusting my schedule a little so I go to bed a little earlier and wake a little ealier. But this morning my boyfriend (he works overnights and goes to bed between 4-6 in the morning. I am working to get up around 6) got up when I did (actually 5:30 today before my alarm, but was rested) then my youngest was up by 6. So in short I didn't get any me time, which I have been at least the past week. I told myself when I went to bed I was going to wake up in a good mood though and wouldn't let anything get me... So as the morning went on I started myself falling into the usual and instead of feeding it, I told my oldest son I needed just 5 minutes and he was to watch the other 2 for me. I went up into my daughters room sat in the chair read a few pages of my book and back down I went feeling MUCH better. I was VERY proud that I was able to do that!!! That helped to start a great day. Then we decided to take the kids to disney on ice they LOVED it!! Watching the joy on their faces was soooooo wonderful!! And to even be able to enjoy it was even more wonderful!!

I hope you had a great day also. I'm curious also. You mention you meditate. I am just curious as I am exploring that option as a method of relaxation which is another thing I have ALWAYS struggled with. I'm the girl that DOESN'T sit still. Even when sitting I am never still. People I first meet often think I am nervous because my leg always swings etc... anyway I just thought I would ask how long you have been doing it. How you got started. A class, video, book etc.

I'm sure by the time you read this it will be tomorrow so I hope your day is filled with Joy

*** Katlyn - I hope you are doing well **