I've lost so much faith...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 2:47 pm

One thing that really stuck with me ever since I went to church last week is when the pastor said that Satan is a deceiver, he is big on deception. At first I didn't think the sermon was that good, but later in the week I put two and two together. I have OCD and worry all the time and in Matthew 6:27 it says "Do not worry or be anxious for anything, for it does not add one unit of measure to your stature of life span. Then it hit me, when I worry the devil is deceiving me, because it states right in the bible not to worry. And you can't do both, you can't listen to satan and God. So now when I have a negative thought, I ask myself does this line up with what the bible teaches and it has really helped me to realize that satan is just trying to upset us, he does not want us close to God. But he does it in a suddle way.

Hope this helps everyone.

Inna · Post by **Inna** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 4:43 pm

Hello everyone,
I just finished a bible study and it really hit the topic of the devil tempting and trying to draw us away from God. He's a master of deception. The closer you try to get to God the more test you may endure. Remeber, they are tests. With God on our side, we can pass the test and end upon a better side.
Hey, another thing I'm working through is worrying about my health. Any suggestions to calm that down? I know the worry prayers, but my head keeps entertaining the worry thoughts...

Worrygirl

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 3:58 pm

I sometimes wonder why I get so anxious. I kind of just want to get out my experience. I hope you don't mind because compared to others' experiences, it seems kind of lame. On the other hand, it has possibly cost me a career that worked very hard for. I have spent the last 8 years working full time as an instructional assistant for the public school system. My first year, the principal told me I was wasted as an assistant and should go back to school to become a teacher, so I did. I worked full time and started college part-time at first because I had 1 child in elementary school (where I worked which was VERY cool), 1 in middle school and two in high school. In 2006 I started attending college full-time while still working full-time. Everyone made sacrifices to help me achieve my dream, my husband and children were fantastic. I spent every weekend studying and four nights a week in classes while working 5 days a week. I finally graduated May 2008, magna cum laude with an exemplary in my internship. I'm not bragging, I just worked very hard and had lots of support from my family. I even walked (my family insisted) and had very high hopes; however, I live in Florida and there have been massive cutbacks, with public schools taking the brunt. This happened partly because of a HUGE property tax cut to try to help the housing market bubble explosion and partly because of the economy in general. I finally got a position as a kindergarten teacher, but it was a very unhappy school environment compared to the school I had worked for 10 years. No one on the K team ate together, my "mentor" told me that "I had to figure out what I needed to ask and she would give me the answer." That is NOT the definition of mentor in the dictionary. My mentor came in on my first day and helped me move desks around and then told me that our curriculum night was in 2 days and then left the room. That's when the cold in my midsection began. I know I'm or could be a great teacher and made my lesson plans and put together a program for my parents for the big night, but middle of the night insomnia had begun and general anxiety took hold of me. The only time I wasn't anxious was when I was in the classroom. I began working 12 hours a day, crying on the way to and from work, and withdrawing from my family. It was a horrible 2 months. My students were progressing and their parents were happy with me but nothing I did seemed good enough for my principal. I prayed every day for the Lord to relieve my anxiety, help me sleep, and glorify him with my teaching, but I felt no relief. My principal did not like my style of classroom management and finally said she thought I should resign. I turned in my resignation because I thought it was best for my students, my family, and myself. Unfortunately, my anxiety problems did not stop. I thought of the death of my dream, anger at the principal, my mentory, and most of all myself constantly. Finally I sought help from my physician and a psychologist. My doctor gave me medication which helps and my psych is teaching me meditation techniques. I still wake up in the middle of the night with cold feelings along my legs and general anxious feelings. I am attempting to regain my closeness with my Lord and live part of my dream by teaching Sunday School at my church. I'm getting better, but still struggle everyday. I have been substitue teaching where I worked as an assistant and they all say I'm wonderful, but I have my doubts about being able to take on a classroom again. The possibility isn't even there anyway as more layoffs are expected to make up a $700 billion budget shortfall for the state. I'm sure God has a plan, but I am just not getting it. Meanwhile I need to find a permanent job, so am working temp and sub jobs while brushing up on my clerical and computer skills. I have to find a way to pay off the debt I accrued getting the degree. I feel guilty about that, which starts up the anxious feelings again. And so I go on like a hamster on a wheel. I want my life back so I ordered the program. I haven't okayed it with my psych yet, but don't think he'll have any objections. At least as long as I keep seeing him!! LOL Anyway, I feel a little better just laying it all out. My family can't understand why I can't move on and frankly neither can I.
Looking forward to moving on,
kittylover

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:55 pm

Hello Kittylover,
Sounds like you have a lot going on. I'm a teacher too. I did the same as you. I went back to school after having my kid, well I had my son while in college at the age of 29. I graduated with honors, because I'm a perfectionist. That's a good and bad quality. I was only offered one job my first year out and didn't take it because of the school district. I was broken hearted. I felt like no one would want me. After a year of substituting, which I hated, I did get a position at the school district that I still work at. My team teacher had the same situation as us. I would stand over the toilet every morning ready to throw up from nervousness and anxiety over doing a good. job. My principal at that time never seemed to appreciate my efforts even though I got a walk on water for being on the most committees. She had her favorites. Well, to make a long story short, I now work for a wonderful principal that tells my friend and me how great we are all the time. Not that we need that, but it sure feels good to hear it from your boss. My team techer and I have brought our district top 10 scores in the STATE for math and communication arts for the past 8 years. So HAAA HAAA to my old principal. You will be a great teacher too. You focus on yourself and your family right now. Subing is a great way to get a feel for a school or district. Look at it like your checking them out, not them checking you out. You have until August to get your anxiety in check and you can do it with this program. It helped me tremendously years ago and I back for a refresher. One good thing about teaching is you can go into your classroom, close your door, and pretty much do things the way you want to. Follow the basic rules of classroom management and curriculum and you'll be fine. With our new education loving president coming into office, I think that teacher will pan out just fine. Keep your chin up, listen to your weekly cd, get plenty of sleep, exercise, focus on your wonderful family and all will be better real soon.
It's never to late
for a happily ever after....

Worrygirl

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 14, 2009 5:07 pm

I have been a Christian all my life and I am 61.
I can say what I need to say because I have been there. I feel like it is human to ask
"Why ". Just remember that the enemy is a liar and his job is to make you have doubts - seek- kill and destroy. Ask God to send his Angels and repeat " Jesus Christ " ; that will make the enemy cringe.
Don't ever give up!!!

cfe · Post by **cfe** » Thu Jan 15, 2009 8:54 am

Thanks so much Worrygirl. At least you managed to keep your first job, good for you and toooo baaaad for your first principal who didn't see the potential in you. I bought the "First Days of School" by Harry Wong and "Concious Discipline" by Becky Baily to give myself books that focus on specific techniques teachers actually use in their classrooms. They also keep me from watching too much TV. :p Right now I'm working in a business office as an office administrator for a woman out on 6 weeks maternity leave. I like it because there isn't a lot of responsibility, if you know what I mean. I even have time to read my books now and then. The people are very nice, of course I'm a temp so they wouldn't expect as much.

I am also coming to realize that there are other careers that I could go into and be happy even if they aren't my dream. I have applied to be a Scoring Evaluator for CTB/McGrawHill through Kelly Temporary Services. If, that is, WHEN I am accepted for that, I am going to take some of the money and use it to take a Microsoft OfficeSuites Certification course this summer. It can only help, especially if I end up taking a job in the private sector. I am trying not to get too far ahead of myself and enjoy being in the present because really that's all we have, isn't it. Thanks for your advice;) You too chukar, I'm sure I'll be asking God to send "All Angels"
kittylover

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 15, 2009 1:34 pm

Kittylover,
It sounds like your on the right track. The cd's can really help and I actually feel that the more I listen to the relaxation tape, the better I'm handling life. A relaxing job can be just what you need right now. I think that once we realize how unimportant the little thing in our life are that we think are soooo important, that really aren't important at all, then we can put life in order. What is really important? Only a few things really
are important.. That is one crazy runon sentence... Did it make sense? Talk to you soon.

Worrygirl

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 12:44 pm

Originally posted by karenLeigh:
Hey Elizabeth,
You hang in there!! I know how that feels. I hope you have the program. It will give you so maney of your answers....that your searching for right now. Coming on here also helps alot! Even though you feel unsure about things. It's a good thing that you recognize this. Sometimes that's the first step in finding what you need. Give yourself credit for that!!
Take-care and God bless