Panicking around Men
Panicking around Men
Hey guys! I really need help with this. I am a 20 year old female and growing up my dad had a horrible temper. Even though it only happened a few times in my life, when I was little he would yell at me so loud that it would scare me so badly I would be shaking and sometimes even pee in my pants. That always instilled fear in me that he would randomly become angry. So now in relationships with boys if I think for the slightest second that he could be angry with me I immediately start panicking. I went through the program about 3 years ago. My panicking has gotten SO much better! I went from panicking 3 times a day to once every two weeks. However it is still there and bothersome. Part of this I think is because I have not talked or had closure with my father on how his temper has effected me. I am scared that I will never be in a relationship in the future without panicking in it. I was wondering if anyone out there has a similar situation where they are afraid of their significant other and could tell me how they are dealing with it or overcome it. I want to be married and have kids someday but I don't want to have panic attacks be apart of the relationship. Please give me hope that I will be in future relationships without panicking. Some people tell me if I find the right man, it won't be a problem. I want to give all my problems up to God and let him handle it. Please give me hope! I need to know that this is possible. Thanks!
Re: Panicking around Men
Spazzz, welcome and allways remember to NOT take it personally. Your Dad had or has his issues or reasons and more than likely you were one of his outs. In his heart I doubt he intended to hurt you. In our ignorance we sometimes take things out on the ones closest to us. Words can be painfull and destructive. Are you able to write him a letter and explain the damage?
Maybe it would do no good or cause more harm than good. Only you would know that.
Be up front with the boys and tell them that NO amount of intimidation or loudness is acceptable.
Just remember to don't take the outburst to heart.
Be Safe
R
Maybe it would do no good or cause more harm than good. Only you would know that.
Be up front with the boys and tell them that NO amount of intimidation or loudness is acceptable.
Just remember to don't take the outburst to heart.
Be Safe
R
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Panicking around Men
As I reread your post I pick up on the fact that you have not addressed your issue with your father. If that is possible, try and do it. If you feel threatened doing this alone, try and see a shrink or counselor with him.
This could make all the difference for you. Just my thoughts.
This could make all the difference for you. Just my thoughts.
Re: Panicking around Men
You could write him a very detailed letter expressing all the fear and anger and hate, all the negative feelings. end the letter with forgiveness and expressions of letting go and moving on with your life.
You don't have to give him the letter. you can burn it or tear it up. Writing the emotions will help to release them. It doesn't matter if your emotions hurt him. I know it feels like it should, but you can only control your own emotions, not his or anyone else.
You don't have to give him the letter. you can burn it or tear it up. Writing the emotions will help to release them. It doesn't matter if your emotions hurt him. I know it feels like it should, but you can only control your own emotions, not his or anyone else.
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tristressing
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2006 2:39 pm
Re: Panicking around Men
Spazzz- to reinforce what sowhatif said your dad likely had his own issues with anxiety and depression. We often use anger to try to gain control. Just like we all are I'm sure he was regretful of his behavior but even more fearful of facing it in order to change.
I didn't reflect on it until I had my own problems but I believe my dad was struggling with the same issues I have when he was raising me. He had all the signs of extreme anger and lashing out at his own family and alcoholism that had him drinking 7 days a week. When I was 12 he and my mother went through a nasty divorce. It is a long story as to how it all happened but in the process my dad gave my younger brother and I up for adoption. I have lived the bulk of my life (currently in my late 30's) with a weird mix of deep hatred and a desire to be accepted by him that has never come.
Now that I've had my own struggles I've been able to forgive him even though he wants nothing to do with me. He was likely scared and making poor coping choices. If you can talk it out with your dad that is great but if that day never comes be willing to accept that he had his own struggles and his struggles don't have to define you or the life you live going forward.
I didn't reflect on it until I had my own problems but I believe my dad was struggling with the same issues I have when he was raising me. He had all the signs of extreme anger and lashing out at his own family and alcoholism that had him drinking 7 days a week. When I was 12 he and my mother went through a nasty divorce. It is a long story as to how it all happened but in the process my dad gave my younger brother and I up for adoption. I have lived the bulk of my life (currently in my late 30's) with a weird mix of deep hatred and a desire to be accepted by him that has never come.
Now that I've had my own struggles I've been able to forgive him even though he wants nothing to do with me. He was likely scared and making poor coping choices. If you can talk it out with your dad that is great but if that day never comes be willing to accept that he had his own struggles and his struggles don't have to define you or the life you live going forward.