Scared but here it goes!

[DonnaDoLittle]

I purchased the program, listened to the first session and was ready to hit the ground running. I'm not alone anymore!
However my body decided it wasn't done with me yet and ended up having a major melt down. I haven't been to work in over 3 weeks and on medical leave.
Doc has had me on Xanax for over 3 years, Paxil for about 6 months and now since my breakdown Zyprexa. I have been out of the house now 4 times & 1 of those alone but had a girlfriend waiting! 2 To the doc my honey with me (married 6 yrs I think) 1 he talk me into a drive. Oh and the biggy and kind of sad. My honey's mom isn't doing well and he being an only child had to go take care of things and help her, I had to fly! I did amazingly well. I knew I had to because his mommy needed him and not me as a distraction. I did what I had to do.
oh by the way don't ever forget to take meds! or take to late!
The point is. I need help! Docs are doing what they can with meds and yes they help, but like we all know, meds help but not the answer.
I want to work the program, I need to start over because things have changed. but I have to get back to work!
I need a friend! Yes I have a normal friend. But my best friend was taken from me by stomach cancer! She could help me find me and what I needed to learn from experiences to better me. She is a one in a million friend!
I am 46, married, and a very spoiled only child who is in the Army as an MP, been to Iraq and I am sure you can understand the stress there. My Honey is also an only child and life's payback for raising a spoiled only child But that’s not always a good thing! However he is handling things better at this stage in our relationship!
I related to a person who would wake up early and had I read it say….. a year ago maybe would have done better.
Please I need help to help my self. Journaling is hard for me, because of my arthritis and if honest a mental thing too, I need a friend.

[Clarysage]

I admire your strength. Journaling is really helpful. I don't know if typing would be easier?
I just do one session a week and it is revealing a great deal for me and making me more aware. I find myself in observer mode most of the time and I am noticing a lot about myself and my patterns of behavior. Very empowering.

[SoWhatif]

DonnaDoLittle, Welcome and thank you for your service.

Please feel free to share whatever you would like. There is drinks in the frige, cookies or veges in the last room on the left down the hall from yesterday.
And if you were to guess, what do you feel is dragging ya down? Answer if ya like or not, it is something you must answer. We spend our lives loading the trunk of life so things over load the pack from time to time. Do you love yourself?

Have a rip of a good day tomorrow, ok.
R

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Donna-Welcome! Did I understand it that you have an only child, a son who is an MP and been to Iraq?

I'm glad you were able to go on a plane with your husband. I'm sorry to hear about your friend passing on from Stomach Cancer. That is hard to lose your very best friend.

I've come a long way since I've been here...but I will be seeing my Psychiatrist for a med check. Mainly I've been on Temazepam and went off my main anti-depressants over a year ago., different ones at different times. But I have been Remeron for 9 months and Xanax free for a year. I wasn't on Xanax for very long except to counter the "rubbery leg feeling" after I went off of Cymbalta while on Wellbutrin.

Anyway, I've been with StressCenter.com for almost a year now and it has really helped me as well as some counseling. I'm a little at the point that I might need to go back on an antidepressant or get something figured out with my Menopausal Symptoms. I guess more of taking each day at a time. I do wake up a bit down and sad, so I don't know just what is causing all of this. But I'm working on my issues with family life. They are getting better.

So you will get some help here, I'm usually on here, but not as much as I use to be due to summer activities. Also, I can't follow all threads either so I get lost if I haven't been on here for a few days or couple of weeks. Take care...I'll check up on you the best I can. Paislee

[DonnaDoLittle]

Thanks for all your reassurances!

Went to Doc today & he released me to go back to work!!!!!! I am so excited!

I think I found rock bottom with this, whatever, however you wish to name it. The invisible disease, no one can understand unless they are plagued with it. However I work at an understanding job! Thanks to them the program and well myself I feel as though I can breath again. By no means am I fooled into thinking it will be easy, in fact quite the opposite! My eyes are wide open and prepared!

Yes, I have one awesome son who has kept quite an eye on his mom, and such an inspiration. He himself having his own issues and being there for me too. He is a good kid! But I'm not biased by any means. LOL Yes he served time in Iraq, and that was a very scary time for me, he would reassure me he was OK. No one is OK while there. However proud I am of him! And thankful he has returned. He has been in 5 years because he started between his Jr and Sr yr of high school. He is trying to decide weather he will reenlist or not. But being an MP and working at a prison these last few years gives him a base to do just about anything he wants in that field on the outside; He is talking about college and that works too. In case you can't tell I could talk about him for ever!

My husband and my relationship is actually getting better since my world fell apart, because it opened his eyes to seeing some of the things he was doing wasn't helping at all. He has come to all my therapy sessions too! That really helped too. He has always been a good man, but you know what they say “Venus & Mars”

Thanks again, know I am at my desk at 8 am tomorrow!

I wish you all the best too!

Breath in 1,000-1, 1,000-2—Breath out 1,000-1, 1,000-2, 1,000-3, 1,000-4
If I start that ASAP then the action, do something, I can beat it!

Good luck to all you 2!!

[tina martin]

Just a suggestion for you to take a peek at Life Coach Very Helpful thread, Sept. 28, 2011. A Life Coach may be costly (don't know cost) but may not necessarily be essential. The program is key, doing it slowly, consistently and with focus and determination. Try and make every effort to make time for it.

Wishing you the best.

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Donnado little-So great to hear your news and all about your son! You Go Girl! Please tell your son I appreciate his service for our country! Sounds like you have a wonderful son and are blessed. I can see with his experience he will be able to go far in college and/or elsewhere. Super!

I'm so glad you honey is supporting you and is understanding more and more. Mine is coming around as well as we go to therapy together. Although not in the past couple months or so. I was beginning to feel that he was more concerned for my husband. I could be reading him wrong...I think I just need a woman therapist for awhile, I'm beginning to get tired of male therapist. I have a really good Psychiatrist, but was unable to see him for the second time due to him being ill. He truly loves his patients, so would be there if he wasn't in a lot of pain.

I do have two new appts to see the Nurse Practitioner in his office and him a few days later, depending on what is going on with the Doc. I best be safe to at least get the med check in and talk to the female NP and let her know how my year has been since she last saw me at my most panicked self as a new patient. Then it would be a bonus to see my Psychiatrist if it happens as it would be a over a year as well.

Anyway, so glad you are going to be at your place of employment. Hope all goes well today! Paislee