Okay, am I being unreasonable...or have common sense?

[Paisleegreen]

DH just showed me a video sent by my married son showing my 4 1/2 year old Grandson driving a mini-fourwheeler. Now this is my opinion probably brought on by my Dad, but I see the wisdom in it. This little boy has ADHD, leaves his house to visit me without his parents knowing. I understand wanderers, and it is good he lives close and comes to my house.

But this boy doesn't always listen nor obeys his parents nor other adults. He will mimic anything he sees others do and has his own ideas of things to do that keeps any person that is watching him go crazy! He is so active!

Okay, so this little boy is riding a 4-wheeler with a helmet on but no shoes or other protective gear. I think it is a "bad" idea. My son's family doesn't have health or accident insurance on this kid or the family right now, not that they don't want to have it.

Anyway, I expressed my feelings to DH and he is sorry he showed me the video, calling me a "Debbie Downer". I just think this is a bad idea and I wonder what is my son thinking. I know people have little sons compete in motorcycle races at this age, but this boy doesn't have the best judgment or obeys. I just don't get it.

My Dad would always question why parents give their kids a motorcycle at a young age, and then what is the kid going to want next? A car? A Jeep? A plane? And so forth...Why do parents have to rush kids into growing up so fast? It is costly and causes undue accidents at an early age. Why can't just him bike riding be enough for now? Soon a new baby is arriving and who will be watching this kid when Mother is busy.

Anyway, I just needed to vent and just get what other people's opinion's are...b/c we all are anxious at different levels. I haven't expressed my opinions to this activity and probably won't, but DH might tell them what I think and maybe not.

It just scares me, b/c last year at a family reunion this little boy would not mind me and was doing impulsive stuff and myh son made a big deal over my giving him a time out and took him home. My sister stood up for me at the time and talked to everyone explaining what am I suppose to do. He needs to obey Grandma when he is at my house so that I know he is safe. We've come a long way since that episode, and now this little boy leaves his home without his parents knowing to my house when sometimes I don't even know he is here. I have hazards at my house so I worry about him.

I will probably be the main babysitter when the new baby comes, both my husband and son work at night and need to sleep during the day. Paislee

[tina martin]

Paislee, I am completely with you. What I see in the culture of the young is quite the opposite of what they see. I won't spell it out because I'm of an older generation and perhaps viewed as obsolete. Not in my eyes.

Common sense, safety, reasonableness, protection, consideration, assuming responsibility whether for a child or an adult are never obsolete.

[Paisleegreen]

No, Tina, you are not obsolete, you have great wisdom! Which I appreciate so much! I just hope I don't see heartache in the future. I only can say is that my son that took his life at 15, had the same problems as this Grandson, except this Grandson talks more than my son did at this age, but he also obeyed. He did his "wanderings" and did impulsive things. But he never was destructive or was vengeful. He was very sweet and tender...this Grandson is sweet, but does destructive things to get back at his older sister where they get into squabbles. My son and daughter in law brush it off...they both had their inattentive problems as well in childhood and adulthood...so this really scares me.

I just don't know if my son is trying to fulfill his own childhood longings he wished he had, as being the oldest, he didn't have all the "fun toys" or recreation that maybe some of his friends or peer group had. I just know that if my sons, all four of them had this motorized equipment at age 4 they would have gotten extremely hurt! And three of them didn't have ADHD and rebellious or mischievious thoughts go through their minds or impulsive actions.

I realize this family has four wheelers and go camping, but I don't see that a little child has to have his own four wheeler. I also realize that my son is a mechanic and has a shop so his world is full of "machines". I guess this could be transferred to the days when little children rode horses or ponies. I guess some of them wore cowboy boots or some rode them barefoot. And I guess they paid the price when the kid fell off the horse or pony.

The most exciting thing for my son that had ADHD when he was 4 years old, was a peddle car! He loved it and it wore out his energy. I believe this motorized vehicle for my Grandson would agitate energy! I think it would bring on more adrenaline and not wear out the muscles.

Anyway, thanks for listening...maybe my son and his wife know what they are doing and maybe they are just sucked into this society of more, more, more...or they are war weary with this little boy and this will keep him occupied. I just hope they at least get some boots on this kid and health and accident insurance. Paislee

[tina martin]

Paislee, I must admit I have old fashioned ideas so I appreciate what you say. Thank you.

Why do I think children need to be calmed down, not wired up? They need to know limits and boundaries and that their safety is monitored. An example is the playpen, now no longer in use. Why? The sky is the limit mentality. Well, I set the limits and the kiddies knew it. No harm done, as far as I know. I like to ask my two about what I might have done wrong. Now is the time to speak up, I tell them. They laugh. We can talk about anything.

[Paisleegreen]

That's great, Tina! I loved the play pen and we even had to put a hook on the top of the front door or my son would go out of it.

[KAMO]

I think you sound like you have a lot more sense than that child's parents.