Dear Diary

[SoWhatif]

I hope it can be healing pain. Seems society does it,s best to avoid reality. Part of gain is mastering the pain.
At times there is no gain without pain.
The Dr asked me what,s the hurry. Answering that has changed my life.
Love is life.
R

[Paisleegreen]

J, Glad you are feeling better and are getting prepared for your meeting. That is a good idea to practice with a tape recorder. My father use to have us practice on a reel to reel recorder when we had to speak in public when we were little. But while I grew up, I just practiced in front of a mirror or maybe a friend.

Well, today, I've been alone as DH had to get up and work. Got a visit from my Grandchildren, unexpected, their mother didn't know they had taken off for so long or just taken off. So they kept me busy, until she walked over to bring them home. It was time they were keeping me from other things and DGS was playing with my goldfish and he isn't gentle.

I then rested and watched a TV show I recorded and then ate, DH has been gone all day and DS has been asleep. Did some garden work, mainly turned on a couple sprinklers. Then I read my email and visited some websites and now planned on taking a bath and getting cleaned up. I was invited to go to the waterpark with the Grandkids, but it isn't hot enough today.

I did wrestle with whether I need to go on antidepressants or something else...that's when I boiled some eggs and ate some yogurt and walnuts. I also posted on a website I use to visit a lot before my son's death and told my story. I don't know if I will get any help there, but it felt good to tell my story a wee bit. As part of my goal is to declutter...I'm getting closer at tossing more of my Dad's stuff that has been left out in the elements. And taking my garden pots to a second hand store. This would require a pick up truck to carry much of these Nursery Pots that was a dream of mine last year, before panic attacks showed up and reality.

That's all for now. Paislee

[Loveslife]

Dear Diary,
Today is my first board meeting at the hospital. I read through all the minutes and notes from the past two years, so I am up to date and prepared.
The best part is that I learned how to use the recording devise on my iphone. I'm going to tape the meeting on my iphone, and then email the recording to myself and file it. How cool is that??

I mentioned to my psychiatrist that my iphone has a recording devise that can actually email the recording. I said that this is sort of creepy, to be able to record people and email the recording. I told her that I am using it for business purposes only.

She told me that "No, it isn't creepy. For you, it is a very powerful tool to have"

She stopped me in my tracks when she said that. It's true. I have a very powerful tool, and will use it at a moments notice if I ever have to again.

Peace to all,
J.

[Paisleegreen]

That's super, J! Paislee Hope all goes well!

[manofmusic]

Hi everyone......update on mom. It ends up the mom has lymphoma. The good news is that the dr said that it's contained in one area. They gave mom her options and she chose radiation at first. She wants to go home and finish her stuff that she was doing. They told her that they have a relatively new type of chemo that's used on older people with lymphoma. Evidentally, this chemo doesn't make you really sick, and with the older people that get it, it's given in smaller doses over a period of time. With mom, depending on the final test result tomorrow, it could either be one or two rounds of chemo or it could be every 3 weeks for 6 months.

Mom is staying very positive thru it all. So am I. Mom said that she wants to live to be 100 ! LOL I told her if she keeps a positive mindset, you just might make it ! I love people with that kind of attitude. I understand that mom probably wouldn't live to 100 if she was healthy and I'm sure she does too, but why not strive for it ?

A few other people like to keep a negative attitude about it all. I think they thrive on negative stuff for one reason or another. I like to stay away from that and so does mom. I think that's why mom likes me being there.

No one's promised tomorrow. I'm learning that more and more every day.

I've put my health as my #1 priority this year.

Thanks for listening (I mean reading LOL)

[Loveslife]

Hugs to you, Mano.
My sister in law just told me that I could live to be over 100, and if I have a passion, I better start pursuing it now.
The sky is the limit.
For your mom to.

You and your mom both have your whole life ahead of you. Make how ever long it is FABULOUS.
Live Life.
Love,
J.

[Loveslife]

PS
Love to you too, Paislee,and thanks for your well wishes. This is an opportunity for me to show what I'm made of, and prove myself to others, so I can try to get ahead.
Peace and love,
J.

[tina martin]

Your mom is terrific in her outlook. She may well make it to 100. And you, J, will make it to wherever you want to go with or without recording devices.

Very inspiring.

[Paisleegreen]

Mano--Glad to hear that your Mother finally has a diagnosis. My father came down with Lymphoma just before he turned 92 years old. He had just recently buried my Mother and its symptoms showed up. He was treated with chemo, had time to get his financial affairs in order, sell his house and went to live in his hometown with my sister. Later the lymphoma came back, but after considering his age and circumstances it was decided to not put his body through the chemo again. He was pretty cheery going through the treatment, but of course being weak and moved from his own home was a bit hard on him. It was fun for him to be close to his siblings and had some great times socializing with them again.

He lived a full and productive life until then and hardly ever got sick or complained. We just feel that my Mother was calling him home, as he passed on Christmas Eve in the wee hours of the morning.

Your Mother should pretty well...she is younger and has a good attitude about everything. Take care, Paislee

[Paisleegreen]

Well, I finally got my mountain/lake get away settled. I finally asked DH if it was okay to talk to his brother about it. So instead of a week and the weekend, I get 3 full days up there, so that is better than none and if noone else shows up, I'm good with that time frame. It will give me enough time to recall fond memories, and deal with them. Then make some new ones at this different stage in my life. I'm really looking forward to the semi-private warm swimming pool and a semi-private jacuzzi. I'll miss sharing these with my children...but that's okay. And again...maybe DH might show up and some adult children and grandchildren, we'll see.

I will not set up any expectations...just go with the flow. Paislee