My story and relapse

[pjmorales]

My name is Jennifer, im 35 years old and have 5 children. i have 3 boys 18, 15, 13 and i have 2 girls 5 and 1 year.
I started suffering with panic attacks in probably 1999. I had to take a trip to Miami with 3 other girls but had to leave my husband and 3 children (at the time) behind, The whole 2 weeks before the trip i convinced myself that i was going to die on the trip and leave my kids behind. So the night before the trip i had my first panic attack, bad one i was throwing up from both ends, bad sweats but i was freezing. I made it through the trip but i did not come back the same, the panic attacks were horrible, but with the help of xanax i was able to live ok. Then in 2001 i had to have gallbladder surgery and thats when the attacks really got bad. I got to the point i was absolutley living in a horrible dream like state. I couldnt even take my son to kindergarten. I couldnt leave the house. I got the program and in 2005 i became pregnant with my daughter so i had to go off my meds. After i had her i had to have 5 surgeries and for some reason during all that time i didnt have any panic attacks it seemed to be gone.
Last year when i was pregnant with my baby, my water broke at 25 weeks so i was put on hospital bed rest and through the 5 weeks i was in the hospital i always seemed to have an anxious feeling at all times but never had panic attacks. My baby was born at 30 weeks and spent 5 weeks in the hospital and i was still doing great.
Now about 4 months ago i went to the e.r for a bad migrain and the drs gave me compazine and omg i had a bad reaction to that, my muscles got tight, starting sweating, i wanted to rip my i.v out and run. I didnt tell my nurses what was going on because i was afraid they would pump something else into my i.v. I got through it but had panic attacks for like 2 weeks after that but they just went away. Now this summer has been great, ive always been on the go, taking my kids places, going out with the hubby and just enjoying life, i could not stand to be home, in the house. Then about a week ago i was sitting in my room when BAM a panic attack his, bad bad physical symptoms my arms got tight, i got blurred vision, aweful racing thoughts i was even slurring my words, and kept dropping things and couldnt even type right. Now here we are a week later and im still having my attacks, and cant leave my room or my couch. I dont know what to do i feel like my life is over. Im stressing because im afraid im going to spend the rest of the summer on the couch and my daughter starts kindergarten and i dont know how the hell im going to take her to school every day and my oldest son is moving in a week and i was supposed to give him a going away party and i couldnt because i cant leave to go to the store.
So thats my story, its sad that i cant get better and just enjoy life like so many people get to.

[Paisleegreen]

Gosh, you have had a hard time. Do you have the program? Paislee