

Thank you for you advice, I've been a bit quiet due to the great weather we've been having here and I forced myself to go out and work on my yard. Also, it helps when a neighbor boy comes over to earn some money so I put him to work as well. I tried to get in as much yardwork as my body would permit as well as the weather and time. I worked on not stressing over the yard, as it can overwhelm me.


But I persevered, working methodically and in the moment, cutting back plants, transplanting some, pulling weeds, getting rid of dandelions ready to send its seeds, and watering. I appreciated my efforts and gave myself a pat on the back for a job well done and that I have time to achieve my goals. Then Saturday I worked in my backyard until the rain came, working in an area that had been neglected because it is in the back and hidden from view, although always in the back of my mind.
I worked harder in this area, soaking the weeds, turning the soil and adding good stuff to it, and transplanting potted plants that I need to get i the ground or I will lose more of many plants I have bought and had not found a place to plant and have lost. I mourned the loss of the ones that didn't make it due to my anxiety and being on medication last summer that sapped my strength and the broken heart I felt after what DS now 20 did to my family room while on vacation.
So I'm working things out and progressing, I had read Lucinda's guidebook last week and that helped me to be more positive and I also started to fix DH's some breakfast when I planned on fixing myself some eggs. We hadn't been talking for a bit since my weekend getaway with women friends. Well, more as you say, they are overworked and not fun to talk to.

So we reconnected a bit to the point that we are happy to be in each other's company, although I did go see my Therapist and he needs to see DH along with me as he asked me hasn't my anxiety gotten better after we have our counseling sessions together where I can openly express myself and he can counsel DH. I agreed that was true, but at the time when I saw him I wondered if I needed to go back on Anti depressants. The Dr felt that I had come back from such a great weekend where I felt very happy, energized, and had a lot of fun and socialization that it can be a bit depressing to come back to home
to an other wise "boring" or "non cheerful" place, those are sort of my thoughts, as you guys know.

Anyway, my efforts to fix DH some simple meals that I really need for myself and eating together by ourselves really made a difference. So we are okay for now...DS 20 is still focused on the pick up truck and took my other son four wheeling and met up with a group of four wheelers. So I was happy to hear that and then later he rescued some other young man that got stuck in a big puddle and stayed up late and slept in all day yesterday but consented to go to work. But after he had to have DH make him some tuna fish sandwiches.

I guess I see it as DH's way of "if I feed this kid, he'll go work for me" and their way of bonding. This is late in the evening when I've done the work I need to do for the day and I do not feel any responsibility to cook for this young man. Usually, on Sundays, his GF and other young adult friends have been over and cooked a meal for all and I end up cleaning up.
But GF is gone away to college and the others must have stayed away since DS slept all day yesterday, he did go camping w/ DH and his brothers Friday night before he went on his four wheeling adventure. So I had the weekend partly free.
I have been able to spend a couple afternoon's with Grandchildren separately, so that has been nice. Although, they just show up, and I had gone out and bought some sand box toys for them as well as little boats to play with in our ditch water. So with each one I introduced the toys, but not all, and we had fun together.

Today, I watched the Lucinda's videos, all four of them that you're suppose to watch at the beginning. I had seen them before due to Ninja posted a link to YouTube. But it isn't quite the same as watching them on my on TV instead of a small picture on the computer. So that was great and then after reading a little bit more in her book, I decide to get on the computer. So here I am.

I did work on positive thoughts and I did allow myself to weep just a little when I was working on weeding this one hidden garden area, as this area had started out as my Memory Garden and the area already has many memories in it. I mourned my late son, but more of feeling the feelings of missing him and acknowledging that I'm feeling the sad feelings. I was still feeling empowered by working methodically on the weeds and clearing the ground. I was feeling good physically and made sure I did not over do it, as that is my tendency.
So the physical activity wore me out, but I felt good afterwards. I was sore the next day, but feel stronger that I got that work done.

