"What if" thinking

[Loveslife]

Goodmorning All and Welcome Rachael,

BB, I'm delighted to hear the positive steps that you took yesterday, just for you. I know how hard it is to take the first few steps towards wellness, as you feel completely lost and unable to complete even the smallest of tasks.

Look what you accomplished yesterday. You turned a negative day into a positive one!!! That is a HUGE achievement and you should feel so great about yourself. You brushed your teeth, made your own waffle, ate a bit more then usual and, and, and, listened to the CD's and relaxed and followed along. You self soothed yourself and turned negative self talk into positive self thought.

You even gave me a bonus and told me that you like that you put 100% of yourself into everything you do. Wonderful!!!!!

I am so happy for you, BB. Now, if I can suggest you try to keep some momentum, and self soothe yourself today, and journal too, and hear Lucinda's words, you will be off to a great start. No worries for you BB. We are here for you.

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Tina, I'm not sure what you mean by friendship and salutations. Sometimes, if I'm rushing, I will send a friend a note with out any salutations at all, but my thoughts are always the same, even though my salutation might be missing. Do you think this makes one less of a friend?

Re: the friend I mentioned in another post, the one that I had to let go of, it was because it wasn't real. We didn't build a foundation of real friendship, and in the end I felt a trremendous sense of neediness from her. That is a pattern that my psychiatrist wants me to be aware of, and she wants me to recognize an extremely needy person when I see one, and not be the person to try to fill all of the other person's needs.

The other person must want to help themselves first, before I can offer any help. So, I had to let that friendship go. It might sound shallow on my end, but it was actually self preservation. I am glad I am learning self preservation. It all comes down to loving ourselves and my old standby, the oxygen mask on a plane metaphor.

Tina, I was reading your posts on my break last night and you made me smile. I am working so hard, but it was nice to be able to go off into the lobby for 15 minutes and sit in the corner and read these threads. I wasn't having dinner as you imagined, but I was on my break and sitting curled up and reading by lamplight in the corner of the old lobby, which is much more warm and cozy then the "new" lobby in our hospital.

I made a yummy salad with cucumbers and turkey and drizzled Paul Newman's honey mustard dressing over it and ate that before going into work last night. A couple of the hospital employees come in to bring me cookies and juice, but I don't want to get in the habit of eating cookies and juice late at night, so I just smiled and said thank you. (not sure what else to do about these kind gestures)

Tina and R., I heard from Acat yestesterday. I'm very, very concerned for her. As you both know, I'm sure, she lives on the west coast, and they are all concerned about any residual nuclear gasses that might manage to come over into our country.
Her daughter is wanting to drive east.
They are also very nervous and worried that they too will have a massive earth quake, as they are near the fault line and are due for another quake soon.

She asked about you and sends her love.

I am going to send her an long email now, so I will send my proper salutations.....

Love,

J.
PS
Paislee, you do have your hands full. You are right to take care of YOU first.

[tina martin]

Dear LL, the word I used is "salutary" and I said less salutary. Salutary means conducive to some beneficial purpose; less salutary means less beneficial. In other words, not all aspects of Friendship are necessarily good as you, in fact, experienced yourself. Sorry I used that word, but it popped into my head and I wrote it. Yes, the concern about Japan is all too real. I have my two in CA along the same fault line. Some cataclysmic disaster.

Welcome Rachel. So glad you joined in, appreciating Loveslife who is so helpful to BB and who is a treasure. I have this great belief in the benefits of group self help. My view of psych leans more to a Freudian approach (the old "Talk Therapy"), but I actually also practice CBT which is the basis of the program here. Paislee, I have no doubt it can also help you. There have been testaments to it, not the least of which is one by Donna, To Lucinda, March 10. Worth looking at.

Paislee, please forgive my silliness at feeling out of the loop on some big topics. As to comfort (or lack), my mother did the best she could under terrible conditions. She was depressed herself, with good reasons, and I was a burden from day one. We got away from the maniac in Europe at that time, but lives were destroyed anyway. For the past 3 years I have been rebuilding mine.

Am grateful this computer is working this a.m. It was impossible during parts of yesterday. So if I'm not here, I'm having computer issues. Hope the program and our exchanges keep raising spirits. Love...........Tina

[Loveslife]

No need to apologize, T., but I do appreciate your explanation.

I want to drop back in and say that I just sent ACAT a long email, and I'm hoping she finds her way here. I sent her a link.

I also need to tell you that when I got home last night I had on my machine a message from B's lawyer. She is back in jail.
I am in self preservation mode, and I know that I have done and continue to do all that I can for her. I am starting to get angry now. Angry that she is wasting her life and she is putting us all through such hell. Her sister Julie is furious and ashamed.

Maybe I SHOULD feel angry. I don't though. I just hurt for her. Jail is the scariest of places for me. Handcuffs, locked pens, strip searches, cavity searches......I type these out so I don't have a panic attack myself. It is the truth. This is where she is and what she is experiencing, but clearly jail is where she needs to be. She walked out of another rehab facility, and I don't know how she keeps managing to do this. She was re arrested yesterday. I don't think she will be out for quite some time.

I will now call her father and tell him this news.

I will also practice positive self talk and self preservation.

I sent ACAT your love.

Love and Peace to all,
J.

[tina martin]

This is very painful news. It is hard to know what to say, but I'll try. I'd almost say it is beyond reason, beyond understanding, even beyond feelings, except to try and be compassionate. Compassion and doing whatever positive gestures you can think of make sense. She cannot help herself is what I would say. And we believe that Love is the ultimate force for good. You also must preserve yourself. You want to help Julie to help herself, to preserve her boundaries. She is not responsible for B.

Went to a Tai Chi class yesterday. Can't praise it enough. Must make time to practice today. Have 2 DVD's. Stay calm and positive, Love..........T

[Paisleegreen]

I need to go to a Tai Chi class, my older brother use to do that all the time while he was visiting my parents. I would see him out in the backyard going through the movements.

[tina martin]

This machine (or server) likes to quit work early. So sluggish. But I do want to tell you, Paislee that Tai Chi is incomparable for relaxation, coordination, balance, breathing. Maybe your brother can still be an advisor. I forget it took me years to learn yoga. So why am I impatient to learn Tai Chi? Patience.

[bklynbee]

Does yoga help with the anxiety? I was really thinking about trying it but not sure if it will help. I have been meditating the last 2 days and I cannot get over the calming effect it has on the body. I am willing to try anything at this point.

[Rachael9700]

Thanks for the welcome,
Also thanks for all the advice. I went all day, no panick. Then I had to leave later than usual, I hit rush hour traffic. I put on the relaxtion tape in the car. I must have looked like a fool laying back with my eyes closed at red lights, but I didn't care. I made it home, I didn't have a panic attack today! But I have to burp alot because I almost did and probably took in too much air on the way home. I hope all of you have a wonderful evening, I too am interested in Tai Chi, Paisleegreen, thanks for the welcome. Hang in there, I'm rooting for you bklynbee.

[Loveslife]

Thanks for the tip Rachael. Truthfully, I have no idea what tapes you ladies are talking about. I might have to investigate....

If I'm quite for awhile, it is only because I'm working so much this next week. I will return soon.....

Love,
J.

[bklynbee]

Today I had an "aha moment" as oprah would say.....I realized I have a lot of anxiety because I believe there is really something wrong with my heart. I was not satisfied with my cardios answer to just ignore it so I am going to make an appointment with another cardio that can hopefully give me some answers. If I get answers I am satisfied with then i will have peace of mind and peace of mind equals less anxiety. Im sure the anxiety wont completely disappear but it will be nice to have peace of mind at least over that. Im petrified to go to the doc but just have to put one foot in front of the other.

welcome rachael and thank you for the support. In just a few days the people here have helped me so much and made me start looking at things differently. I think thats the first step to recovery. For the first time in a long time I have a little bit of hope and that is something I havent had in a long time.

J dont work to hard! I hope everything is going good for you.