"What if" thinking

[tina martin]

Friendship is lovely, of course. However, I see other sides that could be possible and so I would not put it on my list of Wonders. You clearly feel differently and are absolutely entitled to your feelings. In fact, you are in very good company with the authors of the book of 7 Wonders.

[Loveslife]

I agree with BB completely re: friendship. I believe that our lives are enhanced infinitely with just one true and trusted friend.
BB, I too had lost touch with 3 of my oldest and dearest friends. Completely. But guess what I did?! I took a huge risk and reached out to all three of them. Now, they are all back in my life, and I am in theirs, too.

Friendship is worth the effort. BUT, I didn't reach out to them until I had built my self esteem back up just a little bit.
I did that online and in therapy.

Being a quick learner is a lovely quality. Now that you have some momentum, can you think of another quality?

PS
I believe our T. Is being the devil's advocate re: friendship.

[tina martin]

This is heavy thinking, which is, of course, what I love. Do I set these things up for myself? Probably. I haven't even read their chapter on Friendship. I can't possibly say all I think about Friendship or those stones would come flying at me again. Family and Friendship, Good Lord. The problem, I think, could be in my personaltiy, the D-Personality which stands for many none too good D words, such as Doormat, including Do as Others Want. I may, in fact, be a weaker sort in some ways than either of you. My self was so squashed, I did not have a self. To develop any self I had to be alone. Still prefer being alone, except for my lovely virtual life.

No doubt this goes back to childhood, the mother I had, the deprivation, the need to ask for nothing (there was nothing) and to find something in my thumb and pillow to comfort me. So it could be I'm missing out on that extra zest in life, namely, Friendship. But I don't consider myself adeprived for that reason. I have compensated in myriad ways that are dependent on no-one else. Wonder what Dr. K would say to all this. But then he'd be mighty surprised what I imagine as the link between Dr. K and GB (the authors of the book, BB). This is very sick. I need a shrink. The other thing that happens when you are a loner? Your imagination becomes your dear friend.

[bklynbee]

Good morning...Having another crappy morning unfortunately....mornings are the worst for me....i did some meditation and that seemed to help me a little bit. It is so hard for my body to relax. Today Im going to start session 3 hopefully i will get some positive results. Another quality I love about myself is I am compassionate. My heart always goes out to people that are suffering and I will help someone in any way I can. It came a little easier for me to think of something today than yesterday. My mind was a complete blank yesterday when I tried to think of something. Thank you for making me start to see things a little differently.
I need to build my confidence as well before I reach out to my friends and I need to learn how to be a good friend...usually when I talk to my friends it is all about me and my problems and that is it, or i just call them when i am down and out and dont ever call them when im feeling ok and just say hi how are you? Friendship is a 2 way street and I need to be there for my friends just as much as I want them to be there for me.

[Loveslife]

BB, I am so proud of you for realizing that you have wonderful qualities. The fact that you have enormous compassion for people speaks volumes about your character.
I see myself in you, just a little bit. Only 2 years ago I felt just like you. We need to build you up and help you to discover all of the goodness in you. I'm sure you will learn that you are overflowing with goodness, but you need a little help, too.
Feeling lousy about the start to your day means one thing. You must try to turn it around and find one pleasant thing about today. Just one. And, it can't be about anyone else but you. Something you have done, however small, to make your day just a little bit better. Even if it was enjoying your minty toothpaste or putting on a pretty perfume or noticing that the days are growing longer.
Today, tell me one thing that you did to make your day better. And, I would love it if I could have a bonus, and you would find one more thing that you love about yourself.

Tina, I cut and pasted the following excerpt from our Dr's blog...As it might answer your question of the link between the two authors. I believe there are many links, the 7 wonders, but also love of freedom and our country.

"...................When Glenn and I began writing The 7 Wonders we were motivated by our desire to help men and women make the most of their lives, but we also were motivated by a commitment to our country. We believe—quite literally—that fostering autonomy, self-esteem and love for truth in individuals is like immunizing them from those very fierce and disabling forces in the world—like socialism and communism and despotism of every kind—that constantly urge them to believe they should give up their freedoms and other rights and let a central authority decide what is best for them......."

I'm wanting to understand more about your view re: friendship, and I know your roots, so that could be why you don't have friendship as a wonder. I still see you escaping on the big barge/ship that brought you around the world, and finally to our country.

Freedom is a wonder Tina. Freedom.

I'm off to work now, and will check in around midnight.
Love,
J.
PS
It hasn't gone unnoticed by me that I work hours when my DH is home. I might have already said this, but it is worth noting again.

[bklynbee]

Well today I did stay in bed all day again but I did manage to get up and brush my teeth (sometimes its hard for me to even do that) and make myself my waffle. Usually I wait for my fiance to get up to make it for me. I also made an effort to eat more today which I havent been doing for the last couple of days. Im hoping if I keep this up I will be able to get myself back on track. I listened to session 3 today and my god as I sat there and listened to lucinda talk I just kept shaking my head and agreeing with everything she said. I actually was in shock when she was talking because I could not believe how on the money she was about everything. I am going to start writing all of my negative thinking down and replacing it with positive and writing in a journal daily. I was doing the journal once in a while but not consistently. Another thing I love about myself is how I put 100% into anything I do. I am noticing as I start thinking about things that I love about myself I am starting to realize I am a person. I never looked at myself that way, Ive always just been someone that is going through the motions and just trying to get by. When my fiance left to the gym today I got kind of nervous cause I hate being by myself but I just said to myself I am here with you and you will be fine. I loved the way lucinda explained it how you have to comfort yourself the way you would comfort someone else...I have never looked at things that way. I will practice this and I know in time it will only make things better. Thank you for caring enough to be there for me. I hope one day I can do the same for someone else,kind of paying it forward!

[tina martin]

Beautiful, BB. The program is very good as many people state. You will build the self as we did. Keep up the excellent work. Maybe in time you will go to the gym with fiance. That would be outstanding.

Nice excerpt, LL, thank you. I had other matters in mind more along the psych connection. Dr. K would cringe. Friendship. What can I say that won't get me skinned? There are essays maybe even books written about it. There can be much joy in Friendship, no doubt about it. And there can be other less salutary aspects. No need to be specific.

Are you saying that you actually chose those hours with the intent you state? Not that there is anything wrong with that. Breathing space may surely be beneficial. Ships crossing in the night. Wonder if you are having dinner and enjoying it. Hope so. Am off to meditate. Do it twice a day and do not miss. Enjoy it. Bye for now.

[Paisleegreen]

T and J, I thought this was an interesting discussion...I wonder why T always thinks stones are going to be hurled her way. And I caught on that J you are working when DH is home.

I like the quote from Glenn and is it Dr K about autonomy. Very good topic and important to have some self-reliance so that we aren't swayed by voices calling out to us that aren't for our good.

I'm sorry T to hear more about your life history where your mother wasn't a comfort for you. Just your thumb and pillow.
BTW, I only started reading on here at #5 page. So I'm sure I missed some important conversations. Paislee

[Rachael9700]

I have been reading these posts, I'm new, I've been doing the relaxation techniques for 2 weeks now.
I was doubtful at first, but I've kept it up. I only work part time, I was able to avert a panick attack at work. I've lived for the last 3 months thinking panic attacks are just a part of my life if I go out. Funny thing, I don't use any drugs, I don't drink or even eat sugars. Been to the doctor, given a clean bill of health at 38 and this came after dealing with my ex husbands pill addiction. Feelings of being unsafte, and that spilled over to every part of my existence. I've been to counseling, hasn't really worked. Last, Wednesday was a full day without panic, or even thinking of it. I thought, I'm cured, then I went to the grocery store and my negative thinking, kicked in. Back to panic. Because, of Wednesday and today, I know there is hope. Shell. Good luck Bklynbee, I feel for you. Thanks for the tips, Loveslife.

[Paisleegreen]

Welcome, Rachael! Guess what...I've been feeling okay and then this evening after a big family get together and my elderly father in law stayed for a few days I started to have scary feelings. I'm trying to calm down, then it dawned on me, that I've been eating some more sugar during the last few days, not enough rest time, no exercise and enjoying the sunshine. No wonder I'm not feeling so good. But I've drawn a bath and I'm listening to Lucinda's CD on Self Talk. Boy, it is just what I needed as I haven't listened to that CD lately.

So glad to have you join us and you are not alone in this battle. Paislee