Post
by OneMoreTry » Mon Mar 14, 2011 11:59 am
Hi!
I wanted to share with you something that I noticed about myself when I was going through my panic attack period. I was creating a lot of drama, I don't know, maybe I was doing it because I was so bored or because my life at that time was so tedious and I had to buckle down and do a lot of stuff that was monotonous. Maybe because I really wanted to connect with people and I couldn't seem to. I'd tell myself all these dramatic things and because I was scared and I didn't want to be in that situation, what I was telling myself would fuel it. Then I had an excuse not to get on with my life, I couldn't - I had this problem. The way I got a grip was to monitor what I was telling myself. First, I'd break it down the thought as "talking" to myself or was I creating an "image" in my head. Then I'd focus outside of myself, to check what was really going on, as in "I'm standing here, the sun is shining, I have a bit of a headache, my hand is reaching for the doorknob, the doorknob is cold, I'm taking a step, I'm outside, etc" you get the idea. When I'd get a scary thought, I'd label it "having a scary thought" and kept going. The panic attack was just PART of my experience it wasn't the WHOLE experience.
This process helped me to get some distance from myself and allowed me the space to realize that not every thought I have is true. In fact, almost all of the thougts I was having weren't true. They weren't being supported by the facts of the environment. They were just thoughts. I'd also call myself on being caught up in thoughts by asking myself "So what?" If I'd follow that one, I'd find that I was feeding myself a very dramatic story line (that I should really write down to sell as movie rather than using to feed myself a line of crap). The "So What?" question also helps to get me past a lot of social fear that I create for myself. "Everybody is going to see that I'm tired and depressed and they'll see what a loser I am" - So What? What do I think is going to happen and is it real (as in happening right now and supported by the environment)? Sometimes, I think (tell myself) that I can't handle it - but if I get real, I can. I (and probably everyone in this program) have been to hell and back (several times), I've been there before, and I'm still here. I can do it.
Anyway, I've found that if I don't get caught up in my own "game", it goes a lot better. Hope that helps.