Changes, How do we make them?

[Loveslife]

Well, I have been tossing and turning all night. I read R's last post and haven't been able to sleep since reading it.

R., If I ask him why he read the book, that would be delving into "intimate" territory. GROSS. I hate intimacy. I know why he read it, but I also know R.

You can't fool me, R. You want me to start a conversation about the book with my spouse just for that very purpose. So we can have an intimate conversation. Fine. I will do it. And I will go one step further and ask him what he liked about the book, which parts, and why.

Intimate. Gross. But alas, I will complete this assignment. It is 5:10am here and he is already at work. I will ask him when he comes home and let you know what I have learned.

Runs off feeling yucky................

[SoWhatif]

I double hate this f...ing computor. I had the reason and words all ready to send and it reboots itself.
I do hope that its's not a start to a rough and tumble day ahead.

J my reason is to get his motive for reading it. Was it for him or just a ploy to please or use it on you. Do not go there. He must repair his himself. Veryfy it with your Dr. first as I want your stance and independance intact sound and seperate. If you engage him do not accept any inference that it is about you. It must be for him for himself to learn not to involve you with his intimacy. Keep it seperate and if tension rises disengage, accept only calm conversation of him and nothing about you.
I am sorry I kept you awake as you need to be rested.

If in doubt, don't.

[tina martin]

Now I realize I can't join in because I don't have the book (may get it in paperback) and because my own Wonders happily go with me all day long. The trail of excluded Wonders keeps following me yammering, "What about me? What about me? Aren't I important enough?" I may need to expand my Wonders.

Since I also have a marriage here, I don't know what I'm missing with intimacy, good or yucky. Physical intimacy? Emotional? Intellectual? Social? Familial? We kid around. Does that count? I tell him not to call me during the day. He's beginning to think I may have young swains here since I still have that aura of attraction. He knows about May/Dec arrangements and my body parts are all originals, in fairly good shape. What don't I grasp here?

[SoWhatif]

Tina it is a book along the lines of the 12 steps. Much less intense and more to the point, as your well aware of our Dr. Kieths ability to get to the root of the causes by using truth as the ruler to measure by. I keep falling asleep while reading it.
More than likely is not the books fault.

I wonder if we will ever get to have photos again? I have some pics of the mountains close to your back yard Tina I would like to share. As I plan to be in them someday.

[tina martin]

What do I know about 12 steps? I drink a quarter glass of Cabernet Sauvignon once a month. I have several books good for napping. Do I need another one?

See the snow covered mountains every day. Think of John Denver's Rocky Mountain High. Photos would be nice. I have some from childhood I'd like putting up, but don't know how anyway.

[Paisleegreen]

Tina, you are a crack up! You've made my day! I love all your comments, I was wondering the same thing as well, what does so whatif mean when he is talking about with intimacy? Verbal or physical closeness? Hmmm....Paislee

[tina martin]

Glad you got some laughs, Paislee, which I did too. Maybe I did that in anticipation of calling my brother today. No laughs from then on. He is now losing his mind. This runs in my family. That is why I am a near fanatic about exercise, diet, weight, meditation, doing puzzles, reading, testing myself, etc.

The writing is on the wall. Am doing all I can to be prepared for anything. So one of the trailing Wonders I am adding is Gratitude. Am so grateful for every moment.

[Loveslife]

Wow, Tina. I'm sorry you had such a bad/sad day with your brother. I don't think the writing is on the wall at all. I was working with two woman last night, and both of their husbands are in a nursing facility/home for alzheimer's disease. They are in the same nursing home and both men are mid to end stage. It was HEARTBREAKING listening to their stories. One woman in my mind is a saint.

But I don't think that the writing is on the wall. I do think it has suited your life to be so active and health oriented, and I agree that puzzles are so important for keeping our brain muscle healthy.

Don't retire, rewire. I'm hiding out today and reading my book. My husband is home, he comes home earlier and earlier every day. Today he was home at 1pm. I haven't asked him about the book because I don't want to enter into an awkward conversation. (translation;intimate)

He bought/read the book because I posted a few links to my facebook page, and he must have read the links. I did this when he was my facebook friend. I have since defriended him. I know that sounds weird, but I only have 16 friends, and most of those are family. I didn't want him reading everything I posted, so I cleaned house, so to speak, and now only have my family and friends on my page. Sorry, rambling again.

The news of the day is that Brooke is back in rehab. Her father called me and asked me to call her lawyer and have her committed by the court to a 18month lock down program. I just did this, but she took off. Now she is back.

I'm thinking about this....I'm tired of all of this nonsense. I know it's not nonsense, it is her very real life at stake. I think SHE should call the lawyer.

I will think about this, but in the mean time, she is in a 30day program AGAIN, and there is a bench warrant out for her arrest. The court will probably agree to the lock down drug rehab program, but maybe it is time for her to start mopping up her own messes. Sigh.

Anyway Tina. Don't worry. You are of very sound and strong mind and always will be.

Love,
J.

[SoWhatif]

J, You are well on your way to mastering the new you. Thanks for feeding my curious and it answered the question.
I assumed the touchy feely was not even in the picture, the intimate was for conversation.
My guess is he hasn't even a clue he needs help yet and it is, Your fault of course would be commonly spoken responses.
He may think he does, I see you know he doesn't. I admire your Spirit.

Tina is on a roll today, is she not? Taking inventory and polishing the chrome, I strive to gain from her optimistic energy everyday.

P, my wife swears I speak a different language. Could be several reasons and I plead the 5th.
Anyway after a few questions to clarify me or me asking her it generally works out.
I be back later

I got to eat....

later

[Paisleegreen]

Tina, I was watching Dr OZ today and he talked about the different causes of stress and personality types that bring them on. Anyway, it was very interesting and I really wonder about my oldest sister as she never rested, and worried about many things. One Thing Dr OZ talked about was people that are frugal and worrying about getting the bills paid on time and then he through in emotional eating. One of the personality types that causes problems or stress was the nurturer or the kind person. The type that feels things deeply and is still affected by a touching movie hours after it is over.

Anyway, I'm rather tired so I can't recall all of it, but my point is that my eldest sister has been a caretaker for many children. Adopted and her own, and some have handicaps. So I wonder if her early Alzheimer's is due to her not allowing others to give her a break. She is almost 69 can email but can't recall things or conversations we had the day before. She also couldn't participate or follow in an email describing my other sister's problems. So we stop including her in the group emails so that she wouldn't become more confused and stressed.

She can only focus on her immediately family and has a husband that is a good communicator (not with our family) but with their children and what concerns them. So she is going well so far, but plans are made for her bio daughters to take care of the adopted DD that has Cerebral Palsy and is quite handicapped, when the time comes that my sister can no longer care for her.

So you are good to focus on yourself and your health, and do you walking everyday. I worry about the same thing. I don't want to have any strokes like my mother did in her late 80's.

R I like the story about you and your wife's communication... I have to question my husband or visa versa. But then DH doesn't hear welll out of one ear, so he misses a lot of what I or others say and then there is a real mix-up! paislee