The Challenge...Lesson 12

[THH]

Mike,
That women s voice creeped me out! LOL.... I like the idea of guided meditations, but what she said in the beginning about if your not ready to for give and you think justice needs to be done then go do what ever it takes to get it done!!! I don't know maybe the mood I'm in but I could not get past it.

Thought replacement huh? Lets see....
I don't think I can go through with this trip ( to calling hours) What if I need to go to the bathroom, what if I pass out, what if my car breaks down, what if I get sick. STOP... I am not thinking rationally.
It is just another day, and today this is what I must do. I am healthy, there are bathrooms everywhere, people are there who know and love me if I pass out. If my car breaks down, call a tow truck. If I get sick, I get sick. I have been sick before.

I then ask myself what is really your worry? And to be truthful I did not have one tangible(realistic) thing! I worry just to worry, use up nervous energy. Make things up. The idea that this is just a bad habit and I totally reverted back to my "normal" panic state, seams to comfort me, so that kicks in what are you doing with all this energy. Why am I turning it inward rather than outward? So then I change my inner thinking to positive things and think of nice things. I remember my 50 birthday party, all the people who came to it. I was so surprised to see some people I have not seen sense high school. Aunts, Uncles ect... they didn't need to say one thing! They were here before me, so even though I am very uncomfortable by going to this event, I will not have to say just the right thing, I don't need to look the right way, or wear the most fashionable outfit. I am here! I love this person too.

Oh Mike, really good work on realizing how you can push yourself to a unreal place and beat yourself up because you are not dealing well. Then thinking a pill will help you! This is really good, we are all different and each of us has different comfort zones with work loads, stress loads, and it is important for each of us to know ourselves, our boundary and limits. I'm glad you it caught your attention!

I bet it was the positive energy you were projecting, it really does shine!!!!

[THH]

Paislee,
Thanks for the hugs, and prayers too.
You have known all this to well. You have lost more than your fair share and I'm sure you are still grieving. Huggs to you and prayers too!

[THH]

Forever young,
Thank you for your lovely wishes as well. I was happy to see you posting, I have not read all the post yet but I'm getting caught up. Good hearing from you.

[NinjaFrodo]

THH
Ya it was a little strange but she has a point. Its the same as agreeing with someone, it creates acceptance instead of resistance and gives the message that you are in control, i'm not going to try to control you. If you choose to and can get past that first thing then you will see its effectiveness. I've been listening to it a few times and each time I listen to it, I detach a little more from my grudges against my family, its really intresting actually. But ya if your not in the mood, then I'd say don't do it right now.

Good thought replacement. Thank you. You recognized that you were thinking negatively (Step 1), you accepted it (Step 2), I have no idea if you used breathing techniques but you replaced your thoughts (Step 4), you also distracted yourself with things like your 50th birthday (Step 5) and it sounds like you just let time pass. Thats really great!

I"m really glad I caught it too and thank you . You should have seen me in the past when I was pushing myself, it was horrible and I never really understood. I mean I have been pushing myself, pushing myself and disregarding how my body was reacting to that for a decade and a half! That takes a huge toll on a person's body! Like you said, we all have our limitations with how much we can handle stress and workwise. I"m still working on my own. Oh and that cake was such a bad idea, It is really horrible how food can incapacitate me and make me feel lethargic...there was probabbly dairy in it.

Am I becoming a shiney happy person?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ0vDAbF7s

By the way it really sounds like you had a hard time with the funeral stuff. Thats really too bad you didn't get to go to the funeral and it must have been even more stressful that you left your purse at the place. Life is really been throwing you some practice opportunities eh? Sounds like you got through them pretty good, thats great!


Mike

[THH]

Mike,
That was a good video! Very happy, shinny! LOL... I like REM too!

Yea, we are all getting our share of practice opportunity! We need some smooth waters soon! LOL...

I think the anticipation of how everyone was going to be and the months leading up to it gave me more anxiety. I got through it and did better for going through this program. I still have things to work on. For me, I get such anxiety when I think of what I have to do. Some of it comes from anticipation and the rest comes from walking through the wall of anticipation. I do know it is normal to feel it now, so I can expect to feel it, rather then it scare me. I just tried to float with the body symptoms and not focus on the symptoms itself. Does that make sense?! It helped me.

[Paisleegreen]

THH- Boy, I can relate to all that you said in your paragraph to Mike on anticipation. Of course, it is for other things that I anticipate happening, but feel the same symptoms.

I've been working on my garden that I let go last summer due to anxiety symptoms and just getting back into and working on pruning the roses and clematis vines gives me some anxiety, but makes me feel better after I've accomplished the task. I have to be careful to not get overwhelmed by the task of straightening out this garden to perfection status. I have to keep in check my negative thinking or self talk so that my anxiety symptoms don't come a calling! Just "take baby steps" and enjoy the progress. While I'm typing this I can hear a Mourning Dove cooing away, more a calling for a mate I think. Paislee

[THH]

Paislee,
Yea, I can apply the same thing to many other situations as well. It is uncomfortable, with that being said, there is some self gratitude for trying!

I am so jealous that you get to be out side and play in your garden. I can't wait.It has been soooo cold and the ground still frozen with snow here. It has been a really long winter and I am like you as the days the snow actually melted you see 4-5 months worth of tiding up. I have down sized some of my flower beds. I planted things everywhere when I moved here as nothing was in our yard! I had back surgery 10-11 years ago and had to replant and tear up beds as it was way to much to take care of. I do a little every day, weather permitting. It is good to recognize not to push your self to make it all look so lovely and perfect. Our new lesson talks about this. It talks about "The fun is not the end result; the fun should be in getting there. Enjoy the getting there or you will be disappointed in the end result". I know this fits me, and I am working on enjoying the getting there instead of I have to get this cleaned up.

Baby steps, that great! I have red wing black birds, this is a good sign for us! My birds are eating me out of house and home. Poor guys as having a hard time picking though all the snow and ice! Spring thoughts....

[Paisleegreen]

THH-Thank you for the good advice. I believe I will have to down size my garden as well. Turn the garden beds into grass that the men folk can mow or my little grandson can grow into the job. I'm glad you are seeing some special birds. I haven't done the feeding part yet, because my garden is full of things for them to much on. I would like to put something up close and personal, but I'm afraid my cats will take advantage of the easiness of catching the birds. As it is, the cats have had it pretty good since my poor little dog has been gone for two summers. He would have chased them away from the ground, so the cats wouldn't have a chance.

[NinjaFrodo]

THH
Awesome I choose the right video then. It was one of those inspiring moments where I went with my gut or my heart or whatever organ you want to call it from (maybe the large intestine)

Well we will be done the challenge soon and then take a break and if your interested, I'd like to go through the program again however it will not be called the challenge (we are already challenged enough by our thoughts), I will call it something along the lines of the life enriching and perception enhancing project. Its alot more positive and will focus on increasing positivity as opposed to decreasing negativity.

So it was anticipatory anxiety then. Yes that makes sense, you are accepting the feelings but you are focusing on what you want as well as the positive reality. Would it be easier to then focus on the rewards and the feelings you get from doing that thing you have to do?

I think thats why I've kept being stuck because I kept focusing on the body symptoms. It can be really challenging but you've been able to do it and I can tell that it has really helped you!


Mike

[THH]

Sure Mike, I plan on sticking with this for awhile.

I have been sick. It has been real bad. Kind of a sinus/ upper respiratory thing. No fever, just feel the body tighten up. Lots of coughing and blowing. My husband has it too. Our area so many sick people. We probably picked it up at the calling hours last Sunday. There were hundreds of people.
As I have talked about so many times my anxiety goes up when I am sick. I feel nervous and want to do things but I have no energy and feel restless. I can't sleep as I get to thinking about all the body symptoms, I can't breath, I'm never going to get better, I can't sleep, why am I not tired. I am afraid to take things because decongestants make me jittery. I don't need any more help.
I ended up going to the doctor on Friday. ( both of us) We have antibiotics now and I even hate to take them! I worry about getting hives, colitis, stomach up set on and on... I have had all of these from certain kinds of drugs. But I have taken 2 so far. ( so far so good! )At times I think I'm getting better and then it hits and I can't breath again. I take antihistamine it helps and you would think I would be fast asleep, but I am not.
I've gone so long with out the zanax and it is somewhat a disappointment that I am taking it, but he suggest I take it at least 3 days when I get sick.
Well back to the drawing board. I'm taking my xanax!

This is what my doctor told me about taking it. I mentioned I wanted to try to work though my problem but he told me that is my first hint I need to take it now is: He said when you work though your problem you do, you do not question whether you can or that you want to. You just do it. So I came home and took some. This is a long one he says, 10 days. I've got 5 under my belt. It sucks!

I'm not going to feel terrible and I will get better. I know I have handled so many things better that this does not mean I will undo everything I have worked hard on.

I just wanted to post so maybe others who have these set backs don't feel like they failed as well. Its OK.