Hi All,
I so want to respond to Paislee's post, but honestly I feel too sad at the moment to do so. (Paislee, if you knew me, you would understand that this is really true. I will try to respond at a later date. In the mean time I love that you are doing healthy things for yourself, and working hard in your garden. Yay.)
I feel as if my words are flat right now. If I were speaking outloud, they would sound flat ----- like that. Flat.
I've been working very hard, and I love my job. I'm exceeding expectations and retaining everything I'm learning quite quickly.
What is bothering me? Not work. I love it. Today I finally had lunch in the cafeteria, and sat alone amongst the doctors, nurses, and hospital employees. It was fun. I didn't mind eating alone at all. I loved the setting actually, and most people seem happy.
My new supervisor is terrific, so what is bothering me.
OK...I'm not sure how to explain this, and if I do explain it, you probably won't understand, and then I will be upset again.
The only way I know how to explain how I'm feeling is to try to describe for you the setting and then maybe we can figure out what has gotten me so depressed/upset.
For instance, today at work, H., my supervisor spread out on the table her new "gift with purchase" that she got when she bought a cosmetic. She bought Estee Lauder something or other and received a cosmetic bag filled with goodies.
So, I oohed and ahhed and admired all of her free goodies. Then the other girl came in, (woman I should say) and we did the same thing over again. Then we discussed each product, etc.
Then my supervisor, who I will now refer to as H., shared how she wanted to be a makeup artist to the stars, or a psychologist, etc. Then she told me all about her life, her husbands, her children, grandchildren, etc.
They all like me very much. They really do. But then H. was talking about how she wanted to buy a watch and was in a store and asked for the cheapest "knock around" watches. The sales lady said "welllll, over there in that box" as if H. was not good enough for the sales lady to be bothered. I listened intently but just listened. Then both woman started talking about how long the batteries lasted in their watches. Then H. asked me about my watch and if it needed a battery. She held my wrist and pulled it down from under my sweater. I slid it back inside and just said it has a swiss movement and needs to be wound unless I'm wearing it.
I can't explain why I am so upset. I jjust want to work. I just want to do a good job. Part of this means fitting in. H asked "who here is going on a vacation, tell me something exciting" and they talked about their family trips to New Hampshire, and honestly, it does sound very nice to me. Very loving. I'm envious of there lives. H is extremely happy, finally, with her 3rd marriage.
Why is working with woman so complicated? I feel as if I'm going to be judged and conclusions will be formed and I will be "categorized" somehow.
I don't fit in. I'm making myself fit in, but my psychiatrist wants me to be able to not have to hide parts of me, and I do that everywhere. I hide this with them, this other part with those people, that part with everyone, and I'm supposed to be one person instead of so many broken up pieces.
So, I've had very successful days at work, but I feel like I'm trying to be who they want me to be, instead of who I am, which is multifaceted. Also, I find I'm dumbing myself down. Words are spelled wrong for instance, and in my notes I spell them correctly, but if they are going to be notes that others can see, I spell the word wrong too.
I feel defeated, and I shouldn't. I should feel happy. Maybe I'm having a mood swing.
Sorry. Me, me, me. Sorry.
Goodnight everyone.
J.
Changes, How do we make them?
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Changes, How do we make them?
Paislee, so good you are enjoying the outdoors. Do what you can and leave the rest, there is tomorrow. I loved walking today; but then, I do every day.
No, no, no, Jamie: you are doing everything right except don't bother with incorrect spelling. Some people have that spelling connector in the head, some don't. It has little to nothing to do with much of anythiung. I must take care of some things here or I might get fired from Home Admin job (housegirl is more like it), but your post stirred up thoughts. I'll get back.
No, no, no, Jamie: you are doing everything right except don't bother with incorrect spelling. Some people have that spelling connector in the head, some don't. It has little to nothing to do with much of anythiung. I must take care of some things here or I might get fired from Home Admin job (housegirl is more like it), but your post stirred up thoughts. I'll get back.
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Changes, How do we make them?
Why my no's? Because there is absolutely NO defeat here. I must admit you did not hit the jackpot with H. Mercy. The woman will be a handful. I'd rather work for a man in a heartbeat. Could you see a man going on as she did? Here is the tough news: you'll have to be the strong, mature, pleasant, sounding board for her. And more: the danger of this sort is she'll distract you from your work and then fault you for it.
Now for good news: you can deal with her. You can listen, smile, share a thing or two, flatter her discreetly, and never lose sight of the work. You love the work, are good at it, and that is everything.
Do not mean to contradict your Dr, but you know, we like Will S, The Bard. For the life of me I can't remember the exact quote (that's why I bombed Shakespeare), but there are lines to the effect that "all the world's a stage and we are all players." As I see it, you must play a role with her. No harm (in my view) as long as you know you are doing what you must to walk a fine line, be a juggler, be diplomatic, and save your neck. I've been there, done that, and did not always emerge smelling roses. Ask Dr. about this.
J, you can do it, love it, and enjoy it. You will be whole and we'll be with you. Love..........T
PS Then again you can discount anything or everything I say here. I'm fine. Just want you strong and confident.
Now for good news: you can deal with her. You can listen, smile, share a thing or two, flatter her discreetly, and never lose sight of the work. You love the work, are good at it, and that is everything.
Do not mean to contradict your Dr, but you know, we like Will S, The Bard. For the life of me I can't remember the exact quote (that's why I bombed Shakespeare), but there are lines to the effect that "all the world's a stage and we are all players." As I see it, you must play a role with her. No harm (in my view) as long as you know you are doing what you must to walk a fine line, be a juggler, be diplomatic, and save your neck. I've been there, done that, and did not always emerge smelling roses. Ask Dr. about this.
J, you can do it, love it, and enjoy it. You will be whole and we'll be with you. Love..........T
PS Then again you can discount anything or everything I say here. I'm fine. Just want you strong and confident.
Re: Changes, How do we make them?
Thank You Tina. So, that is what I will do. I'll just walk that fine line to fit in, and keep my focus on the work.
I do want to say that my new supervisor is a very decent woman who seems fair, honest, protective and kind. I really don't think she is the sort to blame others for mistakes if they are not their fault, etc. My old supervisor is like that, but not this woman.
I like her. I want her to like me too. Her husband's name is Vinny and he served in vietnam. I don't know why I'm going on like this. I just like her and I want to fit in.
Do you know Tina, this tiny little office is the heart of the hospital. That is what she told me. Without the people in this office, nothing would function. We even sleep over on snow days, to make sure we can get to work the next day. Isn't that Cool?!
But Alas, sweet Whatif, I heard many robins today on my walk from my car to the hospital side door.
Spring is here, and Paislee's garden will be bursting with life soon enough. Our hospital's daffodils are poking through the ground, so rebirth is in the air.
Yes, The Bard put it best. All the world's a stage...I guess I will have to remember that. I don't like that part though...
I do want to say that my new supervisor is a very decent woman who seems fair, honest, protective and kind. I really don't think she is the sort to blame others for mistakes if they are not their fault, etc. My old supervisor is like that, but not this woman.
I like her. I want her to like me too. Her husband's name is Vinny and he served in vietnam. I don't know why I'm going on like this. I just like her and I want to fit in.
Do you know Tina, this tiny little office is the heart of the hospital. That is what she told me. Without the people in this office, nothing would function. We even sleep over on snow days, to make sure we can get to work the next day. Isn't that Cool?!
But Alas, sweet Whatif, I heard many robins today on my walk from my car to the hospital side door.
Spring is here, and Paislee's garden will be bursting with life soon enough. Our hospital's daffodils are poking through the ground, so rebirth is in the air.
Yes, The Bard put it best. All the world's a stage...I guess I will have to remember that. I don't like that part though...
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Changes, How do we make them?
Hi J, so glad to hear from you! 
Yes, supervisor's are hard to work with when you are the beginner person. I've never done well with some of mine, for instance when I worked for a bank. I was so glad to leave because it was competitive and I discovered I was pregnant after I got the job. So I endured it until I could move elsewhere under the umbrella of the bank and only had to work 20 hours a week to keep my health insurance.
So am I understanding this right, you are dummying yourself down to fit in with the supervisor? Because she got herself a knock off watch and you have the nicer one. I would not hide my knowledge of how to spell words. If people don't know how to spell them, then they aren't going to know that when you do write the correct spelling of words in your notes. I don't think they are that detail oriented.
Before I got the bank job, I took an business office course through the college that the government paid for. Now I already was s Senior in college when I got married, but I qualified at the time for this 6 month program. Where they taught shorthand, spelling, typing on the at the time new memory type writers., accounting, data entry, 10 key, and other stuff. They focused on spelling as being very important and the teacher would read aloud letters that secretaries had typed up for their bosses with the misspelled words. I was always vigilant about spelling anyway as they doc you in college on reports etc. I notice many important letters or papers that have misspellings. It is something I'm good at and I always am a proof reader for my children's and DH's letters, because my eye catches it.
I even keep a paperback dictionary right by my computer to check my words because the computer questions it and I usually know that I spelled it right.
So it is a good thing to know how to spell and that doesn't mean you should be ashamed of it or the women you work with should make a big deal over. That is just your talent if they question it. Some people have the gift to see detail, others don't.
For one thing, you guys always talk about Shakespeare, I only know him by watching movies that followed his plays. Otherwise, I really don't read a lot of his plays perse'. My sister was the drama person, but I did take humanities in college and went to some operas, and other productions.
Well, I worked again in my garden, still working on the negative talk as I wrestled with the unpruned rose bushes and clematis. I made great progress which I have to tell myself and not look at the whole picture. I filled 2 garbage cans full of rose and clematis prunings. I was beginning to not feel too perky, and then it started to rain so I came inside to rest.
After visiting with a Grandson, and two DS's and DH, I'm left alone to rest, which is good because I'm not sure if I overdid it or I'm getting a "bug". Ugh.
Yes, supervisor's are hard to work with when you are the beginner person. I've never done well with some of mine, for instance when I worked for a bank. I was so glad to leave because it was competitive and I discovered I was pregnant after I got the job. So I endured it until I could move elsewhere under the umbrella of the bank and only had to work 20 hours a week to keep my health insurance.So am I understanding this right, you are dummying yourself down to fit in with the supervisor? Because she got herself a knock off watch and you have the nicer one. I would not hide my knowledge of how to spell words. If people don't know how to spell them, then they aren't going to know that when you do write the correct spelling of words in your notes. I don't think they are that detail oriented.
Before I got the bank job, I took an business office course through the college that the government paid for. Now I already was s Senior in college when I got married, but I qualified at the time for this 6 month program. Where they taught shorthand, spelling, typing on the at the time new memory type writers., accounting, data entry, 10 key, and other stuff. They focused on spelling as being very important and the teacher would read aloud letters that secretaries had typed up for their bosses with the misspelled words. I was always vigilant about spelling anyway as they doc you in college on reports etc. I notice many important letters or papers that have misspellings. It is something I'm good at and I always am a proof reader for my children's and DH's letters, because my eye catches it.
I even keep a paperback dictionary right by my computer to check my words because the computer questions it and I usually know that I spelled it right.
So it is a good thing to know how to spell and that doesn't mean you should be ashamed of it or the women you work with should make a big deal over. That is just your talent if they question it. Some people have the gift to see detail, others don't. For one thing, you guys always talk about Shakespeare, I only know him by watching movies that followed his plays. Otherwise, I really don't read a lot of his plays perse'. My sister was the drama person, but I did take humanities in college and went to some operas, and other productions.
Well, I worked again in my garden, still working on the negative talk as I wrestled with the unpruned rose bushes and clematis. I made great progress which I have to tell myself and not look at the whole picture. I filled 2 garbage cans full of rose and clematis prunings. I was beginning to not feel too perky, and then it started to rain so I came inside to rest.
After visiting with a Grandson, and two DS's and DH, I'm left alone to rest, which is good because I'm not sure if I overdid it or I'm getting a "bug". Ugh.
Re: Changes, How do we make them?
Hi Paislee,
Wow. You worked hard today in your garden. Pruning and cutting back is no easy task, and I can remember having an aching back after doing that sort of work. I do love working in a garden though, and I'm sure yours is quite lovely. You've earned a night of relaxation and maybe a warm bath with epson salts?
I've given you the wrong impression re: my supervisor. It is not at all anything that she has done, rather feelings I have within me. I'm ashamed to have a nice watch, I'm ashamed of having nice things. She is not ashamed to have an inexpensive watch and she knows how to manage her money. I'm ashamed to have had a different life. I'm no longer feeling ashamed to be working at the switchboard, and in fact I am quite proud of it. Not everyone can do this job. It involves doing many things at once, speed, efficiency and politeness, as well as diplomacy and empathy.
I want to fit in, and will do all that I can to fit in. So, you didn't quite grasp what I was trying to say, because I wasn't able to express myself properly.
It is I that needs to learn that it doesn't matter what the packaging is, it is what is on the inside that is important. I just don't know where to draw the line between accepting that some of my experiences in life might be broader then my supervisor's but that doesn't make me different or more experienced.
Now I'm getting confused, but I do feel you misinterpreted my message. It was not about the watch, per se, it was about my needing to hide my watch, so I wouldn't be judged. It's too hard to explain. Let's move on...I can't explain it and it has nothing to do with watches.
I'm glad you are doing well.
Love,
J.
Wow. You worked hard today in your garden. Pruning and cutting back is no easy task, and I can remember having an aching back after doing that sort of work. I do love working in a garden though, and I'm sure yours is quite lovely. You've earned a night of relaxation and maybe a warm bath with epson salts?
I've given you the wrong impression re: my supervisor. It is not at all anything that she has done, rather feelings I have within me. I'm ashamed to have a nice watch, I'm ashamed of having nice things. She is not ashamed to have an inexpensive watch and she knows how to manage her money. I'm ashamed to have had a different life. I'm no longer feeling ashamed to be working at the switchboard, and in fact I am quite proud of it. Not everyone can do this job. It involves doing many things at once, speed, efficiency and politeness, as well as diplomacy and empathy.
I want to fit in, and will do all that I can to fit in. So, you didn't quite grasp what I was trying to say, because I wasn't able to express myself properly.
It is I that needs to learn that it doesn't matter what the packaging is, it is what is on the inside that is important. I just don't know where to draw the line between accepting that some of my experiences in life might be broader then my supervisor's but that doesn't make me different or more experienced.
Now I'm getting confused, but I do feel you misinterpreted my message. It was not about the watch, per se, it was about my needing to hide my watch, so I wouldn't be judged. It's too hard to explain. Let's move on...I can't explain it and it has nothing to do with watches.
I'm glad you are doing well.
Love,
J.
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Changes, How do we make them?
Oh, I did understand that you were hiding your nicer watch and you want to fit in. I think you are doing great! Are you feeling bad because that was your focus in the past to have nice things and that made you feel important? There isn't anything wrong with you having a nice watch. You aren't flaunting it. There is always going to be someone richer or poorer than you. If there wasn't somebody that made more money than another person, than how would we get jobs, Somebody has to have a product that people want and by producing it, there are jobs provided.
I understand you want to be appreciated for your talents and not for what you wear. But it is still okay to wear nice things and not be ashamed. Just by you being nice and thoughtful, you will help others to feel comfortable around you. Does Oprah apologize for her wealth, no, she shares it. Through her compassion and thoughtfulness, but she doesn't dress down, unless she goes camping or goes to Africa. She isn't afraid to let her hair down and wear glasses and no make-up.
Eventually, you'll become good buddies with this nice supervisor and you'll be able to just be yourself and appreciated just for being yourself, with no make-up and noone will notice the watch. It didn't say Rolex on it, right. So I think you are safe. It'll work out. We're praying for you. Paislee
I understand you want to be appreciated for your talents and not for what you wear. But it is still okay to wear nice things and not be ashamed. Just by you being nice and thoughtful, you will help others to feel comfortable around you. Does Oprah apologize for her wealth, no, she shares it. Through her compassion and thoughtfulness, but she doesn't dress down, unless she goes camping or goes to Africa. She isn't afraid to let her hair down and wear glasses and no make-up.
Eventually, you'll become good buddies with this nice supervisor and you'll be able to just be yourself and appreciated just for being yourself, with no make-up and noone will notice the watch. It didn't say Rolex on it, right. So I think you are safe. It'll work out. We're praying for you. Paislee
Re: Changes, How do we make them?
No Paislee, Having nice things never made me feel important.
I'm sorry that I've had nice things, because we are poor now.
My watch doesn't say rolex, Ok?! If it makes you feel better, it says Timex. Whatever.
I"m sorry that I tried to discuss this topic, clearly I made a mistake.
I won't try ever again. I've learned a lesson.
But make no mistakes. I'm a switchboard operator and proud to have a job. I will sleep over in a snow storm and trust me, if no make up is required for the job, then I will not where any make up. I barely wear any now, however I do like lipgloss if that is alright with you.
J.
I'm sorry that I've had nice things, because we are poor now.
My watch doesn't say rolex, Ok?! If it makes you feel better, it says Timex. Whatever.
I"m sorry that I tried to discuss this topic, clearly I made a mistake.
I won't try ever again. I've learned a lesson.
But make no mistakes. I'm a switchboard operator and proud to have a job. I will sleep over in a snow storm and trust me, if no make up is required for the job, then I will not where any make up. I barely wear any now, however I do like lipgloss if that is alright with you.
J.
Re: Changes, How do we make them?
PS
Please don't pray for me. I'm fine!
Please don't pray for me. I'm fine!
Re: Changes, How do we make them?
J, It is their way of testing where you stand. Do not let them seduce you into the pack.
Tina gives terrific guidance (sp) for the Ladys, some won't fly to well with us Guys. That could be a story for another day. Just use her wisdom, after filtering it threw your mission. Mrs.T beats her self down but she didn't miss hitting the nails on the head even once, and I can't spell by the time it gets to my finger tips. 
I have a dictionary at hand and have been lazy at using it and as P spoke of the dictionary get one and put it at your desk or work station and leave it out in the open. Just to reassure yourself of correctness if needed "a ploy" hehe, browse the word book. Builds THEIR self estem and they respond.
Heck learn a new word, the others will start adapting without a word spoken. If they mispell then it is them screwing up NOT you.
I don't walk the line for nobody except who I let in my boundries. That # of people is a very small number. If in doubt don't.
Be you J, that is who you are. Engage as much that it is prudent for you then return to the task. Let them learn you, be open as you can not help but be and the folks will warm up to the new kid. Mix it up, it time you recognize the pack mentality and witch, oops, which are the healthy and the ones not so healthy clicks. Give it at least 90 days and some maybe even longer as you learn them and they learn you. just Be You and be consistant.
Trying to please people will drive ya bonkers. A new instrument in the band makes the rest more attenative to there own notes played it takes "extra effort" Play your music to the beat of the new You that you now are. I hope i said that correct....
Sweet dreams.
Tina gives terrific guidance (sp) for the Ladys, some won't fly to well with us Guys. That could be a story for another day.
Just use her wisdom, after filtering it threw your mission. Mrs.T beats her self down but she didn't miss hitting the nails on the head even once, and I can't spell by the time it gets to my finger tips. I have a dictionary at hand and have been lazy at using it and as P spoke of the dictionary get one and put it at your desk or work station and leave it out in the open. Just to reassure yourself of correctness if needed "a ploy" hehe, browse the word book. Builds THEIR self estem and they respond.
Heck learn a new word, the others will start adapting without a word spoken. If they mispell then it is them screwing up NOT you.
I don't walk the line for nobody except who I let in my boundries. That # of people is a very small number. If in doubt don't.
Be you J, that is who you are. Engage as much that it is prudent for you then return to the task. Let them learn you, be open as you can not help but be and the folks will warm up to the new kid. Mix it up, it time you recognize the pack mentality and witch, oops, which are the healthy and the ones not so healthy clicks. Give it at least 90 days and some maybe even longer as you learn them and they learn you. just Be You and be consistant.
Trying to please people will drive ya bonkers. A new instrument in the band makes the rest more attenative to there own notes played it takes "extra effort" Play your music to the beat of the new You that you now are. I hope i said that correct....
Sweet dreams.