Anyone living alone out there?

[Paisleegreen]

Now how did Manomusic's posting get put on twice? Hmmm....

[Gigi123]

Yes, I live alone. Try and find ways to distract yourself, keep yourself busy. Another trick that my therapist taught me was to keep a small polished stone in my pocket. This sounds silly but it works! If I'm feeling obsessive, I rub the stone and it sort of brings me back into "reality," instead of living in my thoughts. Give it a try.

As for loneliness and I think you have some great ideas. Instead of thinking how lonely it is, try and think positively about how peaceful and relaxing your environment is. When I moved from my parent's home where I lived with two very disrespectful and bratty half siblings, it was SO nice to come home to a nice, quiet, peaceful apartment. I could have looked at it as being lonely, but chose to look at it in a more positive way.

[tina martin]

It is my belief that living alone is a developmental step that everyone ought to experience. I did not. Today that is possible for women, a great advance. It also requires women to be economically independent, another great advance.

Loneliness comes from within, in my view. Another person can perhaps fill that void for brief interludes. But if we believe that another person is needed to relieve our loneliness, we are left vulnerable to possibly pay a heavy price.

It has only taken me a lifetime to understand this (!). To forgive myself for apparently being a slow learner, I realize I lived through major social change in the course of my years as a young person to an old one. It is interesting how this thinking helps me even now and how reading and posting here can have such remarkable results.

This is for you, Jamie dear, and anyone else, of course. It is also my belief that parts of anxiety, of stress, of depression can be related to aspects of aloneness and possible loneliness.

[Paisleegreen]

I like the idea of a polished stone to help rid of obsessive thinking. I have lots of polished stones, but they aren't really in a handy place. I'll have to go find them and put a couple of them in strategic places.

Tina--were you talking to me, as I don't see Jamie here. Paislee

[tina martin]

Actually I was talking to anyone, Paislee. J. was not here when I posted this, just in my mind. She is here now. The suggestion of a stone seems interesting to me too. If you look at the thread Changes, How do we make them, you'll be enlightened (I think).

Out for a walk communing with nature.

[tombetty@nctc.com]

I was recently widowed when my husband was killed in a car accident. I have been alone for the first time in my life and it is very scary. I hope with this time alone I will learn to grow and learn to enjoy being alone. I don't know yet if I can. Has anyone been it this situation? When the accident first happened, I felt like I was in a daze and everything seemed unreal. Does anyone have any suggestions how you deal with this. He was my soul mate and I know that being lonely for him is not a good time to be looking for someone to fill that void, that would be a big mistake. I couldn't bring anything to a relationship right now. I hope someone can help me to know what to do to get past the pain.

[tina martin]

It is my terror to think I could be left alone as you are. So I'm very sorry for your shock and loss and sorrow.

I believe there are some books written by women who were left alone. One, I think, is actually titled "Widow." You might check with your reference librarian. Perhaps there are websites supportive of widows and widowers. Making new friends might help. That can happen anywhere. Best to you.

[gardengirl1531]

I too feel like I'm treated differently because I don't fit in with the "norm". I raised a son by myself then married when he went to college. My husband has no children so we are empty nesters except for the two-year-old yorkshire terrier and we take care of his elderly parents who have a trailer on our property. I feel like people don't "get" me so I've become a very good listener and encourager to others. My husband is a chronic complainer and seldom is in a good, relaxed mood. I need to connect with others on a more personal level. My family is spread out all over the country, so I shelter them from my depression although they are aware how bad it has been. So , yeah, I know what it's like to live alone....even if I've never been totally alone. Anyone want to chat? I started this program in July and haven't quite finished it. I just joined this website and haven't "met" anyone yet. Sorry so lengthy--I gues I'm lonlier than I thought.

[SoWhatif]

Gardengirl and TomandBetty, I am sorry for your losses. The pain I could deal with, the lonliness I believe and actually can in away relate too can be disabling and mercyless. Time can be a friend or foe, I hope for your finding the friend.
As with any program there are no magic answers. For me it is now in understanding and changing for the healthy reasons not because I had too or was made too.

[Paisleegreen]

Gardengirl and TomandBetty, I also understand somewhat at how you are feeling. I lost a son to suicide and have felt different for a long time from everyone else. Then my other children have grown up, so here comes the empty nester part and my husband is busy in the business he started years ago. So I feel alone a lot. Not many people to relate to with my experiences, most women have husband's that have careers where they worked for another company or have a college degree. And not many have also lost a child to suicide. So I get the loneliness part and also the isolating part.

I fear also that my husband could be gone anytime due to accident, I almost lost him to a brain tumor, so I had that reality check and we raised his life insurance. Now I just want him to be healthy, to eat better, so that he will stick around longer or I will be alone with my adult children bossing me around. Three of them work for our business and there is always some drama over what the other sibling does or didn't do. Ugh.

But I truly feel for those of you that are completely alone and I hope that some of us here can be of comfort to you.
Sincerely, Paislee