in bewteen agoraphobia and panic attacks

[praying4sun]

hello everyone. i bought the program 4 weeks ago, but am still working session 1. i am really anxious around people, some more than others. it is REALLY BAD with my co-workers. it has been this way for 4 years now, and i am still at the same job? i am afraid to quit thought, because my therapist did say, no matter where i go the anxiety will follow and that makes sense. at one point i was agoraphobic to going to lunch/drinks with them, and could not do it. i just stopped socializing with them. in the last year or two, i started going but i am anxious the whole time. when i drink i get liquid courage, but the next day i am depressed.

now i have developed a new wonderful fear/agoraphobia to the phones!!! i work in an office where it is dead silent 95 % of the time, and everyone can hear your conversation. (yes i have my music playing- but its not working). i am so scared of sounding stupid, or messing up, or not knowing enough about my business i avoid the phones. it has gotten so bad, that i felt i had to tell my team about it, because my boss put me on the spot once and wanted me to make a call right than and there, so it made go into a panic attack. the bad thing is i am more paronid because, whenever i talk now, i always here my team member stop typing and i feel like she wants to see my reaction!!! it sucks, i hate this so much. i don't make any outgoing calls, when i get calls i take them because i am always a nervous wreck, and i get angry with myself for feeling this way. i could be further in my career but my anxiety is holding me back.

i say i am bewteen agoraphobia and panic attacks b/c i have stopped doing things all together, but than I will try and be strong and do them but i feel so panicky the whole time ... it's been this way for years and i am just not sure when it will stop. i have tried it all........

[cleocat]

Hello

I was just wondering, you mentioned that you bought the program 4 weeks ago, and then your still on session 1, my question for you is are you procasinating to start the program? are you afraid to have started the program after you bought it 4 weeks ago?
I was just curious, for me when i bought the program it was soo important to start on it right away. In the beginning i almost felt lazy, but then i realized, that there is always HOPE to find if this program is suitable and it WORKS i promise you. What you should do, is since you mentioned that at your work you listen to music, you should be listening to the audio tapes on your computer at work. What i did is i took all the audio CDS to my work, and i would start at the beginning and i would listen while i was working and it was very soothing, it made me more comfortable at my workplace as opposed to feeling nervous or uncomfrotable. Then what you should do, is every time you go on a break take your workbook and go through each sessions after youve finished the audio sessions. I promise you that it really makes a difference when you read through that workbook. Oddly enough i was in the same situation as you BIG TIME, i never socialized, i was always afraid of people watching me, making an embarassment of myself, my stomache would hurt hardcore, id have BAD BOWEL MOVEMENTS lol yes im admitting id have to go the bathroom, but once you listen to the audio CDS everyday, and even that workbook, that book is soo enlightening, it made a light bulb turn on in my head, and i realized that everything Lucinda was talking about made perfect sense! And i really believe that if u stick to it, and u DONT' have to go fast, take your time, no ones rushing you, YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT. I felt bad for you, no one was responding to your blog comment, so i feel that its my duty as a person who is going through the same thing is you, is to support you. I support you, i believe in you, the program really talks about negative thinking, and thats basically it, WE cause ourselves to feel this way, WE are negative thinkers, and for your to still be on session 1, you gotta move forward, if u think you can't, this is totally the wrong attitude, as lucinda would say lol. There is HOPE, and there really is, ive been moving along in this program going at my own pace, and ive noticed a difference in the way im thinking. Its kind of like being in a rehab program whether your trying to get off drugs or booze, all you have to do is take ONE DAY at a time. I hope this motivates and helps you, remember you are NOT ALONE! I believe that you can do it, and you know what, when you listen to those group session audio CDs and you hear all those people who are recoverd, i would always say to myself, If they can do it, YOU CAN DO IT

[Paisleegreen]

I agree! I listened to all the CDs right after eachother, then I would listen to them again and again. But more often to the ones that I felt I needed help with. I don't have the workbook, but have already used Dr David Burns workbook on 10 Steps to Self Esteem that has homework assignments that help. It is using CBT techniques that really work. Eventually as you listen and do the workbook, you will have ideas in your brain to recall and be able to talk to yourself and this will calm you down.

You will feel better! Just start listening to the CDs. Paislee

[praying4sun]

thanks mamas!!! cleocat you commented b/c you felt bad for me???? i am here for support not pitty- sorry not trying to be ungrateful that's just the first reaction i had when i read that, and would like to get it of off my chest. U ASKED SO HERE I GO.... i am very serious about this program- when i was taking out session 1 cd i broke it so i had to call and ask them to mail me a new one. but i moved on, i have listened up to CD 9, watched the first video, done session 1 in the workbook- i even did the assignment for session 3 of writting down my negative thoughts and turned them all to positives- thinking that's what i was suppose to do when it said to go into "observer mode" in session 1 workbook. it did make me realize how negative i am! i agree with you. i did procrasinate on doing the online support group, but only because i have other online support groups, so i felt that counted (this site was out of service anyways), and i have not listened to the relaxation CD. i feel that is a biggie to do. i want to feel like i did all the excersises before moving on- even an introduction blog on session 1 about my phobias ....... originally i did add this explanation to my blog but it was so long, i kept deleting things to shorten it. i am anxious women! even on here lol i just don't know what/how to share my thoughts. they are all over the place.

with all my doubts, i am just happy to believe this will work, and happy to know you believe in me!!!!!!!! i have seen more positive changes in me being weeks into the program than years of therapy