Acceptance

missgsr · Post by **missgsr** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:47 am

I keep hearing, not only in this program but in other material I've been reading, that one of the biggest keys to recovery from anxiety is fully accepting it and not being afraid of it. I know people have done it but I just can't wrap my mind around it.

How on earth do you stop being afraid of anxiety and the symptoms? How do you stop wishing it would go away??

Any advice on this would be GREATLY appreciated. I find that usually it only takes one little statement to make me realize something.

missgsr · Post by **missgsr** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 10:29 am

Anyone?

I guess this would be a question more for veterans but I think it's really important.

From everything I've heard/read, this is one of the MAIN keys to recovery from anxiety!

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 10:52 am

The key is to understand why you are having it. If you can understand that it doesn't just come out of nowhere and it is in response to a certain situation or event then you can start to understand that there is a purpose to it. Anxiety in itself is an attempt of the mind to prevent us from suffering and it's based upon what we feel afraid of. We don't want to go through the same suffering over and over and over again and so the mind is smart and will do anything it can to take us away from pain.

Also realize that people don't completely stop being afraid of anxiety 100%. Everybody is still going to get afraid it is just not staying in that state and not letting it spiral. Things get alot easier if you can accept yourself for the negative and positive sides of yourself as well.

As for how you deal with these things in detail...You may have to find what best works for yourself. What works for me may work for yourself so feel free to try. I've found making tic marks everytime i catch myself from thinking a negative thought and attempting to overcome it. For me it made negativity and anxiety look like accomplishments.

I hope this helps.

Mike

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 2:06 pm

missgsr- I've gone thru the program twice like it was recommended and then went thru it a third time 'just because'. It was at the end of the second completion that I felt a true acceptance of all of it. Maybe it was just the sheer repetition, and maybe it was my constant journaling that got me to see over time that all those fearful things I worried about and all those scary things I said to myself did not destroy me because 98% of them never happened and weren't even true. The harder I tried to fight the anxiety the worse it got. I finally said to myself "Ok, I have this. This is 'what is.' It has not destroyed me. I can deal with this because I've done it before, and I have the tools to change it." I wish I could give you an exact recipe for how to accept the anxiety and not be afraid of it, but for me it just seemed to 'happen' after so many hours of working this program. What did really help with all of it was keeping myself relaxed as much as possible with the relaxation tape, breathing exercises, and self talk. The calmer I felt the easier it was to come to an acceptance. Maybe we each need to find our own way of coming to acceptance, but I really feel that if someone works this program the way it is supposed to be worked you can end your fear of anxiety.

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 2:34 pm

Mary has a point with the relaxation part. When it all comes down to it there is just an imbalance between the rest/relaxation response and the stress response. All those bodily symptoms you are feeling are based on the stress response. The main effects are just the release of a few hormones (ie adrenaline).

Mike

missgsr · Post by **missgsr** » Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:19 am

Mary,

So how do you feel now?

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Wed Dec 17, 2008 4:43 am

I feel great. Any anxiety that comes up now does not scare me because I know what it is, and I know I have some skills to deal with it. I feel confident I can work through it, and if it is something beyond my control that happens I can eventually accept it and move on. This took about a year for me to come to this place. Most of the anxiety dissipated fairly quickly after starting the program but the full acceptance of all of it took quite a bit longer. It may be that I have finally accepted myself, weaknesses and all. I never expected all of this to be a quick fix, so maybe that's why I had patience with how long it took.
I'm ok with the fact that I may be a work in progress. It really is all ok.

missgsr · Post by **missgsr** » Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:04 am

I never expected all of this to be a quick fix, so maybe that's why I had patience with how long it took.

I think you just made another very good point: patience. I am reading this book right now called Hope & Help for Your Nerves. The author talks about the cure being as simple as:

1. Facing
2. Accepting
3. Floating
4. Letting time pass

I'm trying really hard on a daily basis to grasp the whole thing; accepting and waiting. Four simple steps yet so challenging.

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:39 am

I think over time you will accept all of this. Patience is definitely a key and so is trying to stay calm so that you are able to be receptive to the information. Grasping the whole thing at once is too difficult and confusing. That's why the program is designed with gradual steps in each session to move you on to the next one. I wish you luck with the program. I can tell you are trying hard.

Boon · Post by **Boon** » Wed Dec 17, 2008 10:03 am

The four steps you have written down are great but I just want you to know that the word accepting has a few meanings that may help you to go through the resistance you are feeling.

Accepting means to allow. It also means to welcome the thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing. It means not talking back to your scare voice in an effort to make all the discomfort go away.

"I welcome you. A take full responsibility for my thoughts and feelings and I invite them in for me to experience." Breathe into those feelings. Stay out of your head and focus on where you feel discomfort in your body. When you are really having a tough time, tell the anxiety that you want more. Keep encouraging the anxiety to stay and do its worst.

That's acceptance and you can do it. Take whatever time you need. Do it gradually if need be. You'll get good at it. This way you will learn to no longer fear the feelings and the thoughts. You will no longer be looking for a way to get rid of the anxiety. When it comes you'll handle it and you know it and it will pass much more quickly.