It has been a ride.
Late July I took my trip to the ER with what I thought was a heart attack. The doc said it was anxiety and I should see my MD if it continues. Two months of off and on panic syndrome led me to the MD, who introduced me to low dosage of Paxil (10mg to 20mg after 2 wks).
A week into taking the 10, I started to care less about what I was doing. When I say lost, I think that it is understatement. Everything was in place in my life but It felt like it lost meaning.
After another week of trying, I decided that drugs werent for me...Id rather have the physical issues than the mental ones.
I tapered off for a week and then they started. The scary thoughts. I should end my life. I should be agressive towards people that I love. It was like every horror movie I watched as a child was transposed on my, with real actors from my life. That was early November.
Over the past month ive weathered about every thought in the book. And am wondering when they will disappear? I am starting to deal with them better and realize that the stress in my life might be the main instigator.
My worst thought now is the one I feel towards a special girl. She came into my life right at the peak of these feelings, so I naturally inserted her into all of the plots. Im fighting now to separate the two and throw away the bad. Has anyone had luck with that? For instance, when I wake up at night and shes next to me I get freaked out that shes not breathing. Its ridiculous, I know that...but it is just so much build up.
Scary Thoughts, and why they are worse than panic
-
Guest
DrugFree.
Believe it or not, you're not the only one with those types of thoughts.
I've never taken any drug for the panic and anxiety because the effects of finally coming off of them seemed to be worse than the attacks themselves. I'd rather deal with the anxiety then live life floating. Sometimes the drugs are needed, but not always.
You didn't mention if you have the program or not, or what week you were on if you did.
Believe it or not, you're not the only one with those types of thoughts.
I've never taken any drug for the panic and anxiety because the effects of finally coming off of them seemed to be worse than the attacks themselves. I'd rather deal with the anxiety then live life floating. Sometimes the drugs are needed, but not always.
You didn't mention if you have the program or not, or what week you were on if you did.
-
Can't_be_beat
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 8:55 pm
I deal with scary thoughts as well. I HATE them. I have pretty much conquered anxiety or at least am not fearful of the anxiety anymore but I am still dealing with scary thoughts and yes I too have had the most horrific thoughts imaginable.
What I do to try and deal with those is to not put any merit into them. I know they are not real, eventhough when i say they are not real my thought says "yes they are". It's a vicious cycle. But the best success I have had is to continue on with my day no matter the thought and treat it as if nothing has happened. I may feel some effects from the worry but at least I'm not fretting and wasting time. This tends to take that junk off my mind. Have I said that I HATE scary thoughts?
Anyway, I would love to talk to you more about this as I think it is healthy for people to encourage and support each other so they don't feel alone. If you are interested in discussing strategies I would be a willing participator! Maybe together our brains would melt and find a great solution for everyone.
A little about myself so you don't think I am some weirdo...although by typing this response I am climbing the weirdo mountain. Anyway, I am married to my wife for 15 years and have 2 kids. I am the CEO of a YMCA. My email address is wcymca@frontiernet.net. Feel free to drop me a line at any time.
Good luck with your battle. It is a battle but the beauty is that we have guaranteed victory if we apply ourselves!!! Take Care.
Can't Be Beat
What I do to try and deal with those is to not put any merit into them. I know they are not real, eventhough when i say they are not real my thought says "yes they are". It's a vicious cycle. But the best success I have had is to continue on with my day no matter the thought and treat it as if nothing has happened. I may feel some effects from the worry but at least I'm not fretting and wasting time. This tends to take that junk off my mind. Have I said that I HATE scary thoughts?
Anyway, I would love to talk to you more about this as I think it is healthy for people to encourage and support each other so they don't feel alone. If you are interested in discussing strategies I would be a willing participator! Maybe together our brains would melt and find a great solution for everyone.
A little about myself so you don't think I am some weirdo...although by typing this response I am climbing the weirdo mountain. Anyway, I am married to my wife for 15 years and have 2 kids. I am the CEO of a YMCA. My email address is wcymca@frontiernet.net. Feel free to drop me a line at any time.
Good luck with your battle. It is a battle but the beauty is that we have guaranteed victory if we apply ourselves!!! Take Care.
Can't Be Beat
Actually im not on the program right now. Although im always open to suggestions.
My main issue right now is just accepting me. For me, failure is a big deal, and success is short lived if ever iternalized. Im super driven successfull guy with lots of friends and a good family. But somehow im always looking for more.
I think my curse is the inability to just relax and live in the now. If I could find that, it would mean more to me than anything.
My main issue right now is just accepting me. For me, failure is a big deal, and success is short lived if ever iternalized. Im super driven successfull guy with lots of friends and a good family. But somehow im always looking for more.
I think my curse is the inability to just relax and live in the now. If I could find that, it would mean more to me than anything.
-
MelMbrsl75
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2007 7:06 am
Good Morning DrugFree. I am on Paxil, 40mg. I have been on this med for about 7 years now and it has helped me tremoundsly. I was like you, against taking a med in the start, but there is nothing wrong with it.
I too have scary,obsessive thoughts. I have been able to live with my thoughts now, as they never go away, ever. It is a life style change. You must accept that you will always have scary thoughts, you must downplay the thoughts everytime, you must realize that everyone has scary thoughts, you are not the only one. Keep strong. You will be fine.
I too have scary,obsessive thoughts. I have been able to live with my thoughts now, as they never go away, ever. It is a life style change. You must accept that you will always have scary thoughts, you must downplay the thoughts everytime, you must realize that everyone has scary thoughts, you are not the only one. Keep strong. You will be fine.
Melissa
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~Dan Rather
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~Dan Rather
Hello everyone,
I too have obsessive scary thoughts and I have been on 40 mg of Paxil for the past 7 years. The scary thoughts which I entertain center around my concern with my schooling and my fear that I will never be able to "make it" in the world. I'm sorry Melissa, but I disagree with your idea that we will have to live with these scary thoughts the rest of our lives. I think if we are truly committed to recording/challenging our negative thoughts, we will begin to see the idiocy in them and will learn to entertain healthy positive thoughts.
Kind regards,
Benjamin Olthof
I too have obsessive scary thoughts and I have been on 40 mg of Paxil for the past 7 years. The scary thoughts which I entertain center around my concern with my schooling and my fear that I will never be able to "make it" in the world. I'm sorry Melissa, but I disagree with your idea that we will have to live with these scary thoughts the rest of our lives. I think if we are truly committed to recording/challenging our negative thoughts, we will begin to see the idiocy in them and will learn to entertain healthy positive thoughts.
Kind regards,
Benjamin Olthof
It isn't that the thoughts go completely away. It's that they become less and less, and when you finally grasp that a shift in attitude toward these scary thoughts is very important in the healing process (meaning you must accept their presence), and also, not only allowing the thoughts to come and go freely, but actually inviting them in, welcoming them into your mind, it won't matter if you have these thoughts anymore. You'll dismiss them immediately with no attachment to them at all.
Drugfree - When you have these scary thoughts, I invite you to say to them: "Oh, c'mon, you can do better than that." OR "I'm growing bored with you trying to scare me. Can't you come up with anything more?" And do not check your friend to see if she is breathing. Stay with your anxiety. Breathe into it and focus on the feelings in your body instead of your mind. It's a painful process but to finally get to the place where you no longer fear these thoughts (your fear of them keeps them coming back) this is exactly what you need to do, and when the anxiety gets so horrible that you can't stand it anymore, ask for more. You see, it isn't the content of your thoughts that is the problem. The problem is that you fear the anxiety. Start to welcome all these feelings and thoughts in. Truly welcome them. Make it so it doesn't matter one way or the other anymore if these thoughts come.
You will see such a difference in your life. When you hear a scare thought, just say -
"Is that the best you can do?" and focus on your breath - keep out of your head. No more talking to that anxious voice that just tells lies.
I know the above seems scary but you will one day get to this point where you finally turn around and face this rascal.
Drugfree - When you have these scary thoughts, I invite you to say to them: "Oh, c'mon, you can do better than that." OR "I'm growing bored with you trying to scare me. Can't you come up with anything more?" And do not check your friend to see if she is breathing. Stay with your anxiety. Breathe into it and focus on the feelings in your body instead of your mind. It's a painful process but to finally get to the place where you no longer fear these thoughts (your fear of them keeps them coming back) this is exactly what you need to do, and when the anxiety gets so horrible that you can't stand it anymore, ask for more. You see, it isn't the content of your thoughts that is the problem. The problem is that you fear the anxiety. Start to welcome all these feelings and thoughts in. Truly welcome them. Make it so it doesn't matter one way or the other anymore if these thoughts come.
You will see such a difference in your life. When you hear a scare thought, just say -
"Is that the best you can do?" and focus on your breath - keep out of your head. No more talking to that anxious voice that just tells lies.
I know the above seems scary but you will one day get to this point where you finally turn around and face this rascal.
"Life is not about comfort. It is about living." Dr. Howard Liebgold
I've started Imp of the Mind over Christmas break and it is definitely a good read. My thoughts are getting better (relative) and at least im able to think about them in a more realistic manner. Im trying to let them just pass through me and not run away from any trigger situations (i.e. stay away from knives, stay away from loved ones). I figure that will just make it worse in the longrun.
Now im struggling with what my mind is going to use to fill the void. For a better part of the month it has been struggling with these thoughts. Now there is some freedom.
Also, Im really trying to take them for what they are....a reaction to anxiety and fear. I need to tackle that...with exercise and postitive thought. Its suprisingly difficult to think good again after you mind has taken a beating.
Now im struggling with what my mind is going to use to fill the void. For a better part of the month it has been struggling with these thoughts. Now there is some freedom.
Also, Im really trying to take them for what they are....a reaction to anxiety and fear. I need to tackle that...with exercise and postitive thought. Its suprisingly difficult to think good again after you mind has taken a beating.
DrugFree,
I feel your pain. I to have rejected medication for the same reasons as you. I don't like feeling like a Zombie I would rather feel pain and feel alive than drugged up. I have been struggling with scary thoughts now for 13 years so to say that they will just go away may not be true sorry to say. You have to learn how to accept your anxiety and except the scary thoughts and not fight them. The more you fight them the more power you give them. Sure, I can go weeks not having a though but then I get sick or get stressed and boom there they are all over again.
The thing that has helped me the most when I am feeling down with scary thoughts is to dive into researching every possible answer to our problem. By that I mean reading books researching online reading what other people have to say. This keeps the mind busy and before you know it you feel better. Also, never stop living, get up and face life head on. Go to work keep all your appointments. I know it's hard but you must not let this thing conquer your life.
God bless you and I hope you get better soon.
I feel your pain. I to have rejected medication for the same reasons as you. I don't like feeling like a Zombie I would rather feel pain and feel alive than drugged up. I have been struggling with scary thoughts now for 13 years so to say that they will just go away may not be true sorry to say. You have to learn how to accept your anxiety and except the scary thoughts and not fight them. The more you fight them the more power you give them. Sure, I can go weeks not having a though but then I get sick or get stressed and boom there they are all over again.
The thing that has helped me the most when I am feeling down with scary thoughts is to dive into researching every possible answer to our problem. By that I mean reading books researching online reading what other people have to say. This keeps the mind busy and before you know it you feel better. Also, never stop living, get up and face life head on. Go to work keep all your appointments. I know it's hard but you must not let this thing conquer your life.
God bless you and I hope you get better soon.