Recurring Dream... brings anxiety & sadness

[-Mandy-]

Alright, so I keep having a recurring dream about something that happened last summer. I have a fear of fyling and I didn't know how bad it was until I went on vacation with my sister and my Mom.

We flew to our destination and it took pretty much all day. I was super scared on the plane. Takeoff is always scary for me and I was doing well for a bit, but then we had slight turbulence and after that I was in full panic for the rest of the flight. The whole time I was dreading the return trip and when it came to it, I couldn't make myself get on the plane to come home.

My Mom didn't get mad at me, she understood. But when I called my Dad that night from the hotel room by myself he got really mad at me, and said I did it for attention and that I just wanted to make everyone worry, and said I was stupid and all that. Don't get me wrong my Dad is a wonderful man who has been there for me a lot but he has a bad temper. But I know now what he said was just because he was worried about me being on the other side of the country all on my own.

What happened eventually was my Dad paid for my fiance to fly out to get me and for us to rent a car and drive back (a three day drive). No one is mad at me anymore and they all understand now but when I think about it I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself and it makes me really sad.

I try to forget about it but I get this recurring dream where I'm with my family and I can't get on the plane and everyone is mad at me, and I wake up feeling sad and guilty and ashamed all over again.

I keep telling myself no one holds it against me anymore and that everyone understands, and that I had to do what was best for me. But how else can I get this dream to go away?

[Guest]

Mandy - Welcome it in. Welcome the dream and all the feelings associated with it. Your resistance is what keeps it recurring. Love every part of yourself. Even the part that "Thinks" she may have done something stupid. Wrap your arms around yourself and just ask yourself a very simple question: Can I just allow myself to feel this shame? Keep asking until the answer is yes. When you accept, you are released.

In addition - make a list of ten things that are great about you. Add ten to that list every day.