Man I had a bad weekend. On Friday near the end of the day my boss called me in to tell me that we were going to have to "justify my position". This was very scary because the layoff's in my position have been extremely high lately due to the banking situation. Anyways, I handled it very well (no over-reacting) and through positive self talk and breathing got through the rest of the day. When I got off I called a good friend to vent my anger and frustration and all without "Freaking out" so YAY! by the end of our conversation I was even talking about what positives may come of this!!! So feeling pretty proud and pleased with myself I now decided I need to tell my husband. (He is pretty highstrung and tends to be a bit of a negative thinker which I prepared myself for)Besides, I was telling myself nothing is happening today (breathe) and I have a plan (breathe) I have alot of connections and if all else I have family members who own businesses so even temporary employment would not be an issue. Okay, I can do this.... forget that I am doing this! pat's self on back.
Well forget it! I tried to explain all this to my husband to no avail. He dismissed everything I was trying to say and told me I was taking this all "too well" can you believe it?!?!? "too well" what kind of crap is that???
Well, I let all the negative talk suck me in and that was that. I ended up sobbing uncontrollably and having a total breakdown telling him how scared I was and what am I going to do and how can they do this to me.... blah blah blah!
Why did I turn into a blubbering idiot? Yes I was scared and hurt BUT nothing has been decided, I have a plan, there was no need to fall apart.... except for I think that maybe subconciously that is what he wants... to take care of me. He always has, from the time we met. He has been my safe place, my knight in shining armor.
We did talk later and he said he would listen to the CD's (so he could better understand what I am going through)but he still hasn't and I don't want to push him to do it because then he really wont.
Anyways, after all this I felt really down. Like I did all this work and felt so good only to have FAILED my first real test. So I slept nearly the whole weekend.
But on Sunday night when I was going to bed, I put on my relaxation CD and woke up this morning and knew I needed to pick myself up and start again. I know this is going to be a very difficult journey but I really didn't expect to have this revelation about my husband. I need him to be on my side consciously and subconsciously and know how to help me.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this?
What to do??????
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dbuttercup
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2008 1:07 am
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John * Thunder!
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Sat Jun 03, 2006 1:41 am
DB-I found this out the HARD way. I had just found out I had cancer and was going to have to take chemo. I had absolutely no reason to believe that he would not be my rock during this. Well...I cried. He cried because I cried. He just couldn't deal with it. My mother always told me that most-Not All- men don't want to hear women complain. They are not openly emotional people. I have found this to be true. We are the caretakers and we are the strong ones. When we are weak or sick, some men just don't know how to deal with that. My husband is one of those. It hurt a lot for a long time and it still bothers me. But it just is what it is. They've never had to take care of anyone and have always been taken care of-by women. They don't know how. My husband has come out and admitted this. So how do you argue with the truth? How do you create something inside of them that just isn't there? Good question. My husband tells and shows me how much he loves me in many other ways. But I can't depend on him to take care of me when I am sick. It is taking me a long time to get used to this, but I feel much better(not perfect as it is very frustrating)about now. Try not to be too hard on him and try to get him to talk to you. Good luck and best wishes. Everything will be just fine. It always is isn't it?
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Guest
Hey dbuttercup/
I know how you feel having your rock be a negative thinker. I am in the same boat. My husband is my rain cloud. Its hard enough dealing with our anxiety let alone a person that doesn't understand. My guy doesn't want me to get better he likes it when I need him. How different do you think you would feel if he acted they way you wanted him to? Would everything be better? Im just letting you know, your not alone here. I think most of us feel the same way. We need someone to let us know they understand and will be there no matter what.
I know how you feel having your rock be a negative thinker. I am in the same boat. My husband is my rain cloud. Its hard enough dealing with our anxiety let alone a person that doesn't understand. My guy doesn't want me to get better he likes it when I need him. How different do you think you would feel if he acted they way you wanted him to? Would everything be better? Im just letting you know, your not alone here. I think most of us feel the same way. We need someone to let us know they understand and will be there no matter what.
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Guest
Thank you both for your insight. I am getting sooo frustrated. It almost seems as though he is actually picking fights now. Constantly testing me and my willingness to feel better. I wanted to not procrastinate and get my packing done to leave for Thanksgiving. And he is actually getting upset with me and snapped at me that he wants me to do it in the morning before I go to work and I have to leave right after work! Seriously, he is not being reasonable at all. I came home from work and ate dinner and it was 7:00 and he needs to go to bed at about 8:30 but he is acting like it will take me hours to pack. Grrrrr..... anyways I guess I just needed to vent!