angry, mad, and just pissed!!

anjelica · Post by **anjelica** » Thu Nov 20, 2008 1:02 pm

I am agoraphobic and Terribly affraid to be alone i depend alot on sister and live in boyfriend to get me through alot of the days.

As usual I still feel like I can not completly depend on them for any thing. "He" complains about not being able to go anywhere. And "she" just seems to fail me alot.

Example: Today i had planned to go out to the washateria. But was waiting for my sister to get up from bed. She was up and out all night. I wouldnt have a problem with it normally but she likes to take my truck. (she doesnt have a drivers license and has a DWI). So i waited and waited all day but by the time she was ready i was having menstral cramps and told her to please give me a few moments. She gets a phone call and starts wanting to rush me because her friend has decided to invite her to a concert last minute. So i get up anyway to go and while we are there at the washateria she gets a phone call from her friend again saying they were going to leave in 30 min. she tries her hardest to pull out the stops with me saying if we could please leave that she is going to fold all the clothes her self at home later. I fianlly just get mad and ask her to go ahead and leave. But before this I called my Him to come by there to help me fold clothes he starts with "u should have gone earlier" and on and on. So when she finally does leave i call Him back and ask Him please, please come and help me or pick me up. But to no surprise he starts with "Why" "Why" "what happened? No, you can answer me now... Why do i have to be there so you can talk to me... "

the part that gets me the most is that they both know how much it pains me to be alone. And its like they dont care. I know my agraphobia is my problem but i just seem to get no hope or support. And then i just become depressed and anrgy at my self and at everyone.

I am only on week three but have peeked at session 4 and have seen the title which has lighted me some. so thats an up side.

I wish I could just kicked them both to the curb... ahhh just the thought made me feel better.

I really dont know the point to this story I just had to get out there before started to throw my dishes around.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:53 am

Hi. Whoa. I'm glad you got all that off your chest. I hope you are doing all the Session Three homework, especially the journaling part. This will help so much. Lucinda reminds you on the CD and the coaching DVD to make sure you understand how important Session Three is to your future success with this program. So much of what is bothering you today can be handled with the skills on Three. Best of luck and kindest regards.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Nov 21, 2008 12:20 pm

pecos,

Thanks for the kind words. The negative thinking and actions are a hard habit to lose and take control of. This is my second week with on session three. I know this sesson is important and I just really want to let it sink in. The journaling and replacing negative thoughts is a habit I need to pisk up.

Again thanks pecos

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Nov 21, 2008 12:44 pm

Angelica,

There is light at the end of the tunnel and for now you have all of us right here to vent to anytime at all. Session 3 is a grteat one and I have done it so many times and go back to it often. Please know you will get through this with time and hard work. It's a terrible feeling when we depend on others just to get through our days but you won't need all that help down the road. You can and will accomplish all your dreams if you really want to.

Sending you some hugs and best wishes for a better tomorrow.