The same thing keeps happening!
All of my past jobs have ended the same way. Once the newness of the job wears off, I feel like I am not measuring up. I then start to keep a mental note of all the times that I think I have messed up. My supervisors tell me that I am doing fine, but in my head, I come up with some scenario or event that makes me think otherwise. Then there is nothing that no one can do. I start to spiral until I convince myself that I will be fired. Or if I try to assert myself, I feel extremely guilty and want to apologize. I have had some great jobs, but I self destruct. I just can't seem to be satisfied with myself or life. It probably has to do with my past. I know that, but I can't stop my mind from concocting these awful scenarios. Then I come across as the fool/crazy person. It is like I am dying for approval and acceptance. I know it is in my head, but it feels so real, and I have not been able to stop it on my own. Has anybody else experienced this?
Last edited by Unknown2 on Fri Nov 14, 2008 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
Yes I can fully relate to this. I've done this my whole life and it is very depressing...I've pushed myself way above and beyond others and even if i accomplish the goal it is short lived and then i feel like i'm a failure. Like yourself i've been told by my supervisors and bosses that i do a good job but i just don't believe them and i feel like i'm not doing as well enough as i can.
There is definately something you were or weren't taught in your past. Lemme ask you some questions. How many of the things you accomplish do you actually give yourself credit for? Are there accomplishments that you may be overlooking?
Mike
There is definately something you were or weren't taught in your past. Lemme ask you some questions. How many of the things you accomplish do you actually give yourself credit for? Are there accomplishments that you may be overlooking?
Mike
Hi Ninja,
I had sometime to think this morning. I have an intense/absurd fear of rejection. My grand mother was very domineering and somewhat abusive towards me and my siblings. The way that I compensated was by being really, really good to avoid being beaten. I was a very frail and shy kid. Dealing with rejection is something that I can't or never learned to tolerate. Not only that, I seem to fiercly desire attention from others and once I get the attention, my fear kicks in. I guess the fear of failure kicks in because subconsiously I'm thinking that I will be punished. Which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a horrible thing. I don't know how to fix this. Hopefully, now that I am fully aware of what I am doing, I will have a better chance of being sucessful at my next job.
Do you work Ninja?
I had sometime to think this morning. I have an intense/absurd fear of rejection. My grand mother was very domineering and somewhat abusive towards me and my siblings. The way that I compensated was by being really, really good to avoid being beaten. I was a very frail and shy kid. Dealing with rejection is something that I can't or never learned to tolerate. Not only that, I seem to fiercly desire attention from others and once I get the attention, my fear kicks in. I guess the fear of failure kicks in because subconsiously I'm thinking that I will be punished. Which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a horrible thing. I don't know how to fix this. Hopefully, now that I am fully aware of what I am doing, I will have a better chance of being sucessful at my next job.
Do you work Ninja?
"O God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek you;my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is BETTER than life,my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name, I will lift up my hands." Psalms 63
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Guest
Ninja,
Yes! I now do think I deserve to be happy, have a good life and deserve love. After I had a chance to really think, I realized that I was attempting to get my emotional needs met by others in unhealthy ways. I did not realize before how I was making everyone else live up to my unreasonable high expectations. I was holding others accountable for their flaws while not examining my own. I was the one presenting as something that I am not but at the same time expecting everyone else to be perfect. The whole point is to accept myself flaws and all and don't expect anyone else to accept me, if I don't fully accept myself. Thanks for responding to my post.
Yes! I now do think I deserve to be happy, have a good life and deserve love. After I had a chance to really think, I realized that I was attempting to get my emotional needs met by others in unhealthy ways. I did not realize before how I was making everyone else live up to my unreasonable high expectations. I was holding others accountable for their flaws while not examining my own. I was the one presenting as something that I am not but at the same time expecting everyone else to be perfect. The whole point is to accept myself flaws and all and don't expect anyone else to accept me, if I don't fully accept myself. Thanks for responding to my post.
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hollyann22
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Sat May 03, 2008 11:59 am
Unknown2
You were taught that if you do things wrong you get beaten. You were taught that punishment is needed when things are wrong. It is only normal to think the way you are when you were taught it from a young age. I wouldn't be suprised if you were expected to live up to your grandma's high expectations either. These responses are completely logical and most human beings in your position would respond the exact same way that you have been. I hope this makes it easier to accept the flaws that you have now and make it easier to overcome it.
Mike
You were taught that if you do things wrong you get beaten. You were taught that punishment is needed when things are wrong. It is only normal to think the way you are when you were taught it from a young age. I wouldn't be suprised if you were expected to live up to your grandma's high expectations either. These responses are completely logical and most human beings in your position would respond the exact same way that you have been. I hope this makes it easier to accept the flaws that you have now and make it easier to overcome it.
Mike
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Guest
Hi Unknown2
I just started the program 3 wks ago and just started reading on the peer support group. I feel the same way as you. I was taught at a young age negative thinking about myself, the world and others. My mom was also domineering and very critical (still is, but not as bad) I have suffered from depression since I was young (not realizing it I always thought I was different or weird) I just went through a divorce (my decision) and I am having the fear that I will always end up alone and how I mess up all of my relationships. I am trying to change my way of thinking but I get in these "funks" and I talk myself into believing and thinking that I am just being real and accepting reality. My mother always told me she was a realist. Maybe this is why I am having a hard time changing my behavior. Does anyone else ever feel like they will always feel like this?
I just started the program 3 wks ago and just started reading on the peer support group. I feel the same way as you. I was taught at a young age negative thinking about myself, the world and others. My mom was also domineering and very critical (still is, but not as bad) I have suffered from depression since I was young (not realizing it I always thought I was different or weird) I just went through a divorce (my decision) and I am having the fear that I will always end up alone and how I mess up all of my relationships. I am trying to change my way of thinking but I get in these "funks" and I talk myself into believing and thinking that I am just being real and accepting reality. My mother always told me she was a realist. Maybe this is why I am having a hard time changing my behavior. Does anyone else ever feel like they will always feel like this?