Gotten off track some and need some advice

Tigerman · Post by **Tigerman** » Tue Nov 11, 2008 6:42 am

I was doing pretty well for about four weeks on the program. I was doing everything that was asked of me to a T. I started to feel really good about myself and actually would wake up and not feel any anxiety. A couple weesk ago I slacked off some and now my wife is upset with me. She said she feels I am nto taking this serious enough and it shows a lack of willpower to help our marriage get better. We have been dealing with anxiety/depression for about 5 years now. I completely understand that she is worn out and maybe feeling a little bit of "I don't care anymore" attitude. I am dissapointed with myself for not staying 100% on track, but I have made progress. I am working out, eating organic, working on a self help art project, trying to overcome the negative thoughts, doing the program, relaxation, etc. So I got off track on the program for a few days. I needed her to tell me she was dissapointed, but the impression I got today was she may have one foot out the door. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:53 am

tiger,

all i can say is listen to week 3 again. ive owned the program for about six months now and im only on week 6. its hard for me to break old habits and start new ones. all you can ask is for you wife to be patient.

ern

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 9:09 am

Tiger, it is very normal for us to go "off track". This is a very difficult thing to swollow and change. It takes a lot of time, energy and patientce to un-learn our usual negative thinking and ways of dealing with stress. It doesn't happen over night. Tell your wife you are trying very hard and you feel like you have made a lot of progress BUT this is a PROCESS. You said you've been dealing with this for 5 years. It takes time to heal. It's all about baby steps and you can't rush things. Tell her you understand her frustration and you too are frusterated by this whole thing but if she can just be supportive and patient you guys can work on this together like a team. It sounds like you already have made GREAT progress and i know you will contine with this. Just keep your head up and keep on working on yourself every day and things will get better for you and your family.

~Erin

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 9:58 am

Hi Tigerman,

hey we are all human and humans aren't perfect. You aren't the first to get off track and won't be the last so just take some deep breaths, start back on the program and keep up all the good work you've been doing.
It sounds as though you have put your heart and soul into changing your life so don't beat yourself up over a minor slip, talk to your wife and let her know you are devoted to doing all you can to live a wonderfull life again. Sometimes a spouse will say things they really don't mean just because they are in a bad place at that moment or to keep you on your toes.

I wish you both all the best!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 10:25 am

Hi All-

I've been "off track" since 2nd week in Sept. where I halted on Session 3. I know where I'm "supposed" to be and have figured out why I got "stuck". I watched the "watch me first" video and Lucinda says not to get hung up on a certain session and to move through.

We are all human, as mentioned above, and it does take a long time to undo a habit. It's OK to be working and have a little bit of a shift in focus for a bit. That's sometimes a good thing - to find a new grasp on your path. If it were so easy to do, we would've figured it out a long time ago on our own.

Give it a chance and know we are all here in the same place and here to support eachother. Let your wife know you are doing your best and you do need her understanding. I've had to say it to hubby and family quite a bit.

Good luck to you and I wish you great success on this journey. -J

"It is impossible to be THE Best so you must always strive to be YOUR Best."

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 10:35 am

You know it is very intresting how we humans work. When we feel things start to get better we stop doing the things we need in order to fully deal with the problem. I think myself, I've done it at least 5 times with this program. We are all human and ya we do fall off our paths and that's fine, we all have the option to get right back on. You mentioned how you made progress and that is what is the most important. You got off track for a few days, it wasn't a few weeks or months and you also learned from the experience, these types of situations are also practice opportunities. My suggestion is to give what you can and understand that no matter what happens you'll be alright

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 10:53 am

I have found that when we have suffered with our condition for any length of time that our only concern becomes just to "feel better". However, as the program teaches us, we have personality and thinking traits that have to change in order to overcome this. Once we feel better we are tempted to slow down on the "change" part. My beloved 90 year old grandmother has been my best example of relaxed, positive under reacting behavior I have had in my life. She has lived through poverty, the childhood loss of parents, a depression, an alcoholic husband who attempted suicide, the death of two children etc. etc. Yet, she has always maintained a "this is part of life" mentality and remained positive and happy. She once told me something I never forgot. She said, "The purpose of life is not to FEEL good but to BE good, then the feelings will follow." The purpose of this program is to help us learn how to be positive, under reacting, peaceful loving people. The overcoming of our anxiety will be the wonderful by-product of the changes we have made.

Andreadreams · Post by **Andreadreams** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:04 pm

Tigerman,
Sometimes a spouse cannot understand or even grasp any understanding of what we have been through. I have seen people that say 'snap out of it' or 'just get over it', well this just dosen't work that easily. As other have said, it takes time, but it will not take us forever to get out of this mess! Google 'symptoms' of panic and anxiety and show her the list and let her know how many Americans suffer anxiety (is it 1 out of every 7 ?)Also find books by Dr. Claire Weekes, let her read some of them, that alone should let her know what is going on, and it will be straight from the mouth of a doctor and former sufferer! Your wife said the same vow as you did, 'For better or worse, through sickness and in health'.
You said you slacked off, do not slack off bro. Soooo many people do this when they feel better and then find themselves with anxiety coming back, I did it so your not the first nor the last. Hey you have learned a lot thus far, finish the program then go back through it again because we always miss something the first time! READ and reread the workbook.

Tiger, there is no magic pill for this(nor anything else for that matter) I takes determination to change the though patterns and to be knowledgeable about anxiety and how to get rid of it (Yes we can indeed be free from it)

Best to you and your wife.
Rod

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 2:31 pm

Hi,
I am very impressed by you! Why? Well, when it comes to talking about emotions i.e. anxiety & depression I think it's alot easier for women then men. For you to even do this program is so awesome!!!
Does your wife deal with depression or anxiety? In the introduction program there's a C.D. for spouses to listen to. Wait till she 's in a good mood & tell her you would really like her to listen to it for you.Then give her the Partner's Guidelines in Session 2 page2-7 & 2-8. You have been pouring your all into the program for a month! Tell her sometimes we have to back off just temporarilly. I call it 'letting it sink in', but remind her of how hard you have been working on the program and just because you took a break doesn't mean you are stopping the program! You have finally found the cure you need for your depression/anxiety, this program. Let her read the groups response to your cry for help (only if you think it would help her and not make her mad) and see that were all trying some of us at different speeds. But, we are trying to get better. It took a long time to get this way, it will take time to heal and learn how to get better. But, you want her to be a part of it. My husband encourages me because he's been to all the doctor's visit's with me. Seen me try all the different med's. But, he is so exited about this progam because he feels it's going to help me be the Jen I used to be. Happy, energetic etc.

"If you fall going up a set of stairs you don't go back to the first step and start over. You pick yourself up and continue to the next step."